The agony of unrequited love (but not from Laleeta!)

(Dress: Bernetta in Navy from Ivalde's *sniff* lucky chair.)

It hurts like a mo-fo when true love suddenly ends.

I feel so sad and alone and deserted and, yes, even rejected.

You see, I'm mourning a horrible break-up right now. And for me, the best way to purge myself of pain is to pound out my angst on a keyboard, shoot it into cyberspace and let the whole world roll around in it.

So as much as it hurts me, I'm gonna have to expose the bleeping-bleepity-bleeper who broke my heart. With love, regret and gratitude for wonderful memories, I'm going to publicly say goodbye here and leave the agony of my unrequited love behind me in this blog post.

GOODBYE IVALDE LUCKY CHAIR!

I loved that chair. I gave it everything -- my heart, my soul, my time. My time. My time. And again, my time.

Even though that delicious, sexy chair hardly ever coughed up an E, my unconditional devotion for it never wavered. Now, as I curl up into this fetal position, crushed and alone and longing for its warm embrace, I'm at least thankful for the memories. I will always cherish the many many many many many nights we spent together. 

OH GOD, how I'll miss those lovely moonlit evenings  -- 10 minutes after 10 minutes after 10 minutes after 10 minutes as my eyes traced its fruitful red curves with lust while my loins and inventory pulsated in anticipation of the caress of that ever-elusive E against my firm and ample pixelated derriere.

When I heard the recent news that Ivalde was closing, (update: YAY but not the Retrology location) I screamed, "CLARETTA IN BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE!" because (as sad as it sounds) for days and nights this past month I have stood by that lucky chair, longing for that dress. ALAS, apparently we weren't meant to be.

I'm just going to have to accept that.

There's so much more I wanted to share here, so many more special, touching moments with that chair . . . but the clock is ticking into the wee hours of the morning, words are starting to elude me, and I think right now I just need you to bring me some casseroles and let me huddle in bed and get on with the grieving process.

I'm so sorry, Ivalde Lucky Chair. This post is weak. You deserved better. In fact, you've always deserved better than me. And I think you knew that all along. You were just trying to break it to me gently.

. . . . Hey, I want this house at junkDrawer!:



(Yes, I am available to take your wedding photos.)

And no, I have no idea why my "show interfaces" option was checked in Snapshot. ("HAY! It's Emerald Wynn!")

I love junkDrawer and I love this house. It reminds me of the Painted Ladies in the old Chicago suburban neighborhoods where I lived for a while. 

Unfortunately, I think that house would take up the whole parcel of land I just snagged. So instead of buying it and living in it, I just go to junkDrawer and stand around and look at it. If you happen to be prefab house-hunting, read all about its awesomeness HERE. There are more color options and lots of cool features inside. 

And hey, that's an Ivalde dress I'm wearing down there! (Bernetta in Navy, the offspring of one particularly steamy and intimate encounter with The Chair.)

Speaking of lucky chairs, it's my friend Laleeta's rez day. Or it was when I started writing this post. Laleeta is the talented mind behind the oh-so-awesome poses at Pffiou, as well as lead rock star over on the equally awesome Baking Cupcakes blog.

I first met Laleeta one night last year when she was hanging with her Baking Cupcakes crew at the Crimson Shadow lucky chair. I was shy and scared because I totally loved that blog and I wanted to tell her but I didn't want to bug her. Eventually I pulled it together and put my brave and fearless face on.

I said, "Hey, I love your blog!" She said, "Thank you!"

And that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

A little while later when we were still semi-strangers, she gave me this balloon she made, but she called it "ballon" because she's from France, and I remember being totally charmed by that and thinking, "GIRL CRUSH!"





(Awwww! I was really cute back then!! A strange color, but cute!)

And then one day the balloon floated away on accident. I lived in a fugly skybox back then, as you can see from the photo above, and occasionally I would see it drifting past my balcony. I would run out to try to catch it and totally fail and end up laughing until my stomach hurt in real life. (<--- easily amused) 

Damn, that seems SO LONG AGO! Those were simpler, innocent times for me. I miss them. *gets all sniffly and nostalgic*

Anyway . . .

HAPPY REZ DAY!! I love you, lovely Laleeta! You've brought me such fun and joy during the past year, and I can't thank you enough for it. Your bright shining presence in my life is worth more to me than all the stuff in my inventory.

Especially since I never won that damn Ivalde dress.

Chasing the joy

YES. It's two posts in one day! You can handle it! I know you can!

Today I had a big-time RL editor tell me that my writing was "joyless." She told me to find my joy and get back to her, because my references apparently told her that I was a big damn bundle of it. Shoot, I used to be.

I don't know how to get my groove back in real life. That's a quest I'll have to embark on somewhere else. This is a Second Life blog, so here are the things in SL that've brought me joy recently:

1. Your beautiful butts

I'd like to congratulate blogger Marnix Malifozik for getting a bunch of people to show him their butts. I have officially been mooned more during the past week than I have in my entire life.

Hey, I'd like to start a meme too. Let's see how many of you male bloggers out there can post very tasteful pictures of your wangs.

I'm just KEEDING!!!!! Please don't.

Here you go, Marnix. This is all you get. I took this pic when I was a noob. Note the body oil. And that "Balloon Bikini with Bling" is blangin' AND poppable, so if you want to see my whole butt, you're gonna have to come over and start popping:



Tasteful!

2. The Bandwagon

I'm not one to jump on the bandwagon. I like to wander off the beaten path. That's why I try to resist for a while when bloggers start raving en masse about a store, skin, designer or whatever. 

In this case, however, I have to agree with everyone: I too am really enamored with Ryker Beck's skins. Here's Fae in Nutmeg from the Eden Gen 2 line at Exodi, formerly Genesis:



You win, Bandwagon. (Shoot, do my ears look too small??)

And WOW, my boobs look HYUUUUUGE in that pic! WHOOPS! That's not gonna fly with Gracie!!!

3. And as long as we're on the topic of skins . . .

I saw Suri Christen looking HAWT on this post over on Free*Style in a skin from a new-to-me store called Glance, so I ran over there like the wannabe hottie I sometimes am. This skin is called Bruna and I blame my stretched-out face in this pic on my latest viewer. It's not that long in SL, I swear. :(



Yeah, maybe I'm not the best poster girl for it.

And I'm jealous of everyone who's raving about the newish Surf Couture skins because, um . . .



Eep! 

Gorgeous art in that skin though. Just not on me.

4. Bubble Girl

I'm starting a new series here called, "HAY! Look at this cool thing my friend made!"

(You're up next, Kareem.)

Celebrity Trollop made this Fashionista in a Bubble to mock those new protective "don't inspect my amazing clothes" shields:



Touch it! Touch it!

[16:06] Fashionista in a Bubble shouts: OH MY GOD Emerald Wynn touched my fashion bubble! THIS IS NOT ALLOWED!

Ha haaaaa! If you want one of these, shoot me an IM. The only catch is that you have to run a snapshot of you posing in it on your blog.

Thank you, Celebrity. ♥

5. Men who aren't afraid to dress like demon bunnies

You may or may not know that the Midnight Mania board at Vendom is my favorite board to slap on the weekends. It has some of the most detailed and head-turning outfits I've seen. Last weekend, my fellow Lucky Kitty Crew member Nagash helped me rally all kinds of troops to lock down a 400-limit board with a sexy Demonic Bunny outfit in it.

And then, even though it's for chicks, he put it on and sent me a pic. HAW HAW HAW!!!!!



*crowns Nagash the King of Awesome*

6. Acting the 'tramp'

I bought a trampoline. I look like a jackass on it.



I'm looking for a new trampoline now. One with cool animations, like flips and stuff. Then I won't have to flail in the air like an idiot at an altitude that is almost higher than my house.

7. Punching procrastination in the face

I finally went out on a date with an eligible bachelor for my Date with Emerald column over on City Zen. YES, that column is still alive and kicking. It's just been on hiatus. I did the homework; now I just need to write the thing. Until then, I'm not revealing who the mystery man is. But ladies, you'll love him! And he's up for grabs!

The fantastic Lizzie Lexington accompanied me as the guest photographer for this particular column. Thank God, because the one picture I took turned out like this:



WHOOPS! And WOW, that lady on the left is rockin' a really big ballgown! I'm not knocking it -- it's gorgeous. I'm just saying that when she gets tired of dancing in it, she could live under it. Actually, we could ALL live under it!

8. My 900 places of residence

I'm getting to be almost as bad as my friend Galene in my new addiction to accumulating housing.

But I've had this fantasy of getting a little parcel of land, covering it with year-round snow and naming it Emerald's Bitchy Ice-Yo-Ass-Out Land. Maybe put up some snowmen and a little train. Hold weekly snowball fights for all the drama llamas out there. 

Let's stop slinging words and start slinging snow.

So when I learned that the parcel across from BFF Lizzie was open over on Owly Indigo's sim, I snagged it. Well, actually Lizzie snagged it for me. 

(Damn Lizzie, I still owe you 4K more lindens. *hits the streets to sell my body*)

Then I learned that I couldn't fug up the Mediterranean landscaping with my mountains of bitter snow.

Oops!

Oh well.

*watches sadly as the snowmen melt*

The warm welcome I got today from Lizzie and her partner Ceru kind of thawed my ice-queen heart anyway.



Awwww! It's a sign! Hallelujah! (That's the sim name -- and it comes with its own blog!)

I guess I need to put some kind of a house there.

9. Jello

Speaking of my new friend Owly, she came over today to join the welcome home party in this ROFL Jello Mold AV:



If you have a hankering to be some Jello, get this AV in one of several colors here at Bare Rose for only 10L. I bought it in Lime.

Shoot, I need a No. 10!

10. You

Thank you so much for reading. (Yeeks, are you still reading?)

♥

Invasion of the body snatchers

"OH LAWDY!"

(She said in a Southern accent.)

The lovely and talented Luna Jubilee was kind enough to ask me to jump on her new Shopaholic blog feed -- the Community feed, not the Fashion feed, and I think there's even a Designer feed -- *checks* -- yes there is! Woo hoo!

I know many of you have some smokin' slice-of-SLife blogs and, as such, you need to jump on that feed too. Get to jumpin' HERE. You don't need an invite, I think. However, you'll probably get booted if you don't follow the Terms of Service.

So speaking of getting booted, Luna's probably gonna show me the bottom of her shoe immediately because I'm about to get all introspective and possibly offensive and talk about CRAZY PEOPLE, Y'ALL!!!!!

OK. Here we go. Try to follow this chain of thought down the rabbit hole, won't you?

On Sunday, I went to the Frozen Turquoise Valentine fashion show on the Costa Rica sim. It seemed lovely. My friend Joonie was sitting nearby, and she waved and sent an IM: "Awwww! Your AV looks so SAD!" to which I replied "Huh? What do you mean?"

Because as far as I knew, I looked like this:



But then she snapped my picture and sent it to me:



LOL! "WHAAAAAAAT THE BLOODY HELL?????"

I asked her if it was a Snapshot glitch, BUT NO! I REALLY looked like that to her! The whole time!

So I'm sorry, FTV, but I missed your fashion show because I was frantically looking around for anyone nice enough to handle an IM from me that said, "Hi. Sorry to bug, but do I look like a moth-eaten crackhead Bratz doll to you?"

Maybe it's that ominous SL skin glitch we've been bracing ourselves for. Or maybe my early-2008 RaC shape didn't roll with the 79 SL viewer updates I've had to download during the past year.

I checked with a couple of friends later that day and they said I looked fine. One friend said that, yeah, certain graphics cards WILL make people look a little jacked-up, like for instance the graphics card on her computer at work. (Laugh - I'm telling your boss!)

But it worried me for a while. And actually, I was already in a pretty crazy mood because -- and I'm not joking -- I had spent AT LEAST an hour that morning messing with my AV's ears. Yes, my ears. Not about what to put on them, just my ears in general. I got in a weird, neurotic ear zone and couldn't stop tweaking the angle and the size. And the more I tweaked, the weirder they looked.

Then I decided that it WASN'T my ears, it was my neck. It was too thick. Wait, actually it was too thin. Giraffe neck -- too long. But when I moved the slider, it started looking like a squished turtle neck (the animal, not the clothing item).

It made my brain crawl.

So, before we go any further, if you're reading this could you please shout out your neck (length, thickness) and ear (size, angle) dimensions? I have completely lost perspective of mine.

The horrible fact that I had spent about an hour and a half obsessing over my pixelated ears and neck made me think of my late Crazy Grandpa. Don't get mad that I called him crazy. He loved to call himself crazy too.

My grandpa suffered from clinical depression and obsessive compulsive disorder, among God only knows what else. The stove was his worst enemy. He had to check it a certain number of times every hour to make sure it was turned off. Sometimes we'd all try to go out to dinner and we'd end up having to stop and drive all the way home so he could check the stove again. It was exhausting for me as a kid, but it must have been hell for him. They didn't have a lot of meds for that stuff back then.

That was my dad's dad. My mom's side of the family is of the annoying, robust "keep your chin up!" breed. For this reason, whenever I go a few rounds in the ring with depression or get wiggy about some weird detail in a public place, my mom will roll her eyes and say, "You got your father's crazy genes."

Yep, we're that functional in my family. 

And yeah, sometimes I get wiggy. Like, I CANNOT eat in restaurants that have chotchkies all over the walls and the ceilings. I look at all that crap and start vividly imagining dirt and dust piling up on them and drifting down into my food. Or once I literally had to leave the restaurant Bamboo Club because I noticed the filthy carpet and couldn't stop fixating on it.

Actually, maybe I'm not nuts. Maybe I'm just a dining snob.

So the other day when I got all wiggety and couldn't stop obsessing over my AV's ears -- I even tried to go shopping but ended up stopping in my tracks in the middle of a store to screw around with my elephant ears some more -- I started thinking about the effect of Second Life on people who struggle with mental illnesses or emotional obstacles.

This is probably a topic for a more serious blogger. Sorry.

Once my schizophrenic friend Jim (yeah, I have friends in all walks of life) asked me to show him Second Life and it messed him up for the rest of the day. I should have known better. He said that even after we turned off the computer, the AVs kept talking to him. 

But then again, during my Black Year of 2008 when I only left my apartment an average of once a week, Second Life provided me with vital human connections, some of whom played an influential role in my healing process. (If you can call this current state "healed.") I imagine it could do the same for people with agoraphobia. But I'm no expert.

There are several resources in SL for people who are trying to heal from depression, abuse, bereavement, addictions, you name it. The RL Support for Healing organization has an SL Support for Healing Island where weekly support group meetings take place. When I went to check it out, I grabbed a notecard with the meeting schedule - holler at me in world if you need it or click the lotus flower on the island HERE.

SL also has a 12-Step Recovery Meeting Hall -- for people battling or recovering from addictions to alcohol, drugs and more -- HERE, where you also can pick up a meeting schedule. I believe you have to join the related group for access to the building.

I imagine those are just two of many such resources.

I once got in a huge debate with an SL resident who was lobbying to have signs posted all over the Orientation centers -- as well as a notice to people when they signed up -- warning that Second Life is potentially addictive and also could be harmful to people with certain mental disorders.

I'll agree that if you're prone to dependency, Second Life can become another crutch. And if you have a problem with impulsive shopping and living beyond your means in real life, I think you'll find yourself dropping lindens like mad in SL. After all, for many of us, SL feeds off an umbilical cord to our credit cards, and we only have to look at those invoices once a month. It's easy to spend lindens and forget that's it's real money. Or at least it is for me. 

And yeah, if you hear voices in your head, you should probably stay away -- this advice is from my friend Jim.

My beef with that guy's proposal mainly was centered around his desire to have weekly support group meetings in world for people with "Second Life dependencies." He also wanted separate meetings for friends and family members who had "lost" a loved one to SL.

As to his first idea, I told him that would be like holding an AA meeting in a bar.

As to his second idea, uh, we don't have the time or the space for my thoughts on it. In short, I give it a thumbs down.

I'm not sure I really had a point to make in this post. It's all just something to think about, I guess. If you're having problems, I'd urge you to seek help in real life first, but know that there are also people and places in Second Life who can offer support.

But meanwhile, could someone please help me with my ears and neck?

OK. I promise my next post will be about funny stuff and friends and snowmen and lips. And it'll be shorter. With more pictures!

In love and gratitude (and I am such an idiot)

Oh wow, I need to digress from my usual highly intellectual discussions to extend a heartfelt THANK YOU to my SL friends who did some really wonderful things on my birthday. It made me get teary in real life, especially since my parents kind of Sixteen-Candled it in RL this year. 

My SL Facebook friends who walk in both of my worlds can read all about it in my FB Notes, but basically my RL b'day was kind of a bummer -- for me AND my pet turtle.

In SL though, I was extremely touched. Your kindness saved me from plummeting to complete rock bottom on my birthday, which once again reminded me that sometimes SL can fill huge holes in our lives and work double-time as a virtual band-aid, or at least in my case.

There are too many people to thank publicly here, and that alone is a gigantic gift. Please know that I'm currently searching for SL thank you cards that don't suck.

And hey, LOOKIT my cakes!



(Detour: I love that Belle Belle Luna couch with color-changeable pillows so much I can hardly stand it.)

Look -- it's THE RED CAKE!!! *dances with joy*

And hey BON, that spectacular cake you gave me (on left) is 51 prims, BTW. Fifty-one prims! RAWWWWK! As such, I'm waiting for my landlady to come over and kick my ass. (The birthday decorations will come down in two more days, Landlady, I swear!)

But speaking of my landlady, she's one of the few SL people who has the rare permission to edit my stuff, and I'm so happy she used it to bust in my house and deck the hell out of it:



(LOL at Jon's duck)



The animals got really excited!

Thank you, Ali! ♥

Hey take a look at that picture up there. See that little line under my eye? That annoying line is ALWAYS on my SL screen. ALWAYS. It's not always under my eye, but it's always right there. I've learned to live with it, but occasionally it pops up in photos and bugs the hell out of me. Like now.

If you read blogs besides this one (and I hope to God you do), you probably know that Tuli has a new line of Hope skins out. I'm one of the few people I know who isn't a member of Tuli's group, unfortunately because her skins look like hell on me. 

That's not a Tuli slam; it's an Emerald's Shape slam.

HOWEVER, I was thrilled to recently discover that Tuli has a Picks Prize board in her store now, and since I had an open slot (yeeks, that sounded kinda nasty), I thought I'd give it a whirl. June's picks prize (available now) is a Hope skin in Sunkissed. I'm wearin' it in that photo up there and -- if you ignore that mother-bleepin' line under my eye -- it actually doesn't look that bad on me!

WOOT!

OK, as long as we're looking at stuff in that picture, the Zaara outfit I'm wearing caused a gigantic "OMG I'm such an idiot" revelation today. And since readers have been screaming for more fish tank poses, here's the outfit again (and HEY, lookit my fish tank!!).



That outfit is called Xacuti in burnt yellow. Like many avid SL shoppers, when I found out that almost everything in Zaara's store is half off until June 1, I raced over there and kissed many lindens goodbye. This Xacuti outfit, a steal at 143L (I think) was one of my purchases. Imagine my dismay when I went to file this outfit in my "Zaara Rocks" inventory folder and found NOT ONE but TWO other Xacuti outfits in the SAME DAMN COLOR.

They both had a "285L!" in the name. I do that to remind myself that I actually spent lindens on an outfit and didn't grab it as a freeb.

So not only have I bought this outfit three times, I've bought it in the same color three times, which actually annoys the hell out of me even more, particularly since there are two other color options.

Wow, I'm such a gawd-damn predictable burnt-yellow person. :(

Kids, if you're like me and your inventory is at 85K (*ducks and hides as everyone gasps and throws things*), CHECK YOUR STUFF before you buy something. You probably already own it.

It's a damn shame those outfits aren't transferrable.

Hey, I bet you looked at that photo up there and wondered how I could float magically in the air by my fish tank like that. Yes you did! I know you did!

Last month my friend Cait from the awesome blog Cait's Finds in SL gave me this aquatic pose stand as a "gift for no particular reason," which are always the most fun in my book.



It has fish swimming in it, along with 86 poses. I have no clue where she got it. You'll have to ask her. I love it. There's only one other pose stand I love just as much and that's a sparkly one that my friend and talented creator Aisuru Rieko made.

Some of the poses in my aquatic pose stand kill me, and they're always in the air, which is kind of cool:



Watch out, because I'm about to POUNCE LIKE A LETHAL SPIDER!

I don't think spiders pounce.

But my Ambien is kicking in, so I guess anything is possible.

I know everyone's screaming "OK! DING DING DING! THIS POST IS GETTING LONG NOW! TIME TO STOP!", but LOOK, I want this blog to be a precious, useful tool for my readers, so I just want to say one more thing:

If you love Midnight Mania boards as much as I do, you might want to visit the Slap-a-Thon, running now through June 7.

I got excited when I first heard there was a Slap-a-Thon, mainly because I thought it was a place where we could all go and slap other avatars.

But no! It's a two-story mall with different vendors sponsoring Midnight Mania boards in their booths. Some are well-known, some are new names. All I know is that by noon today I had already scored some RAWKIN' furniture.

The technical description, which ran in an announcement in The Freebie Telegraph group today, went a little something like this:

"SL's first MM Slap-a-thon! Sponsored by the two largest MM Board groups: Midnight Mania group owned by Avalon Asturias & *CS midnight Maniacs!* owned by ChaosSun Woebegone! COME SLAP THOSE BOARDS BABIES! OPEN NOW UNTIL JUNE 7TH. NOTE: Boards are being forced frequently and new items even put out to keep this event running. FREEBIES also on site! Please remove huds, AOs, and wear non-prim clothing (pants, shirts, no flexi) if you find it laggy! Still accepting MM Board owners who want to participate!"

So if you have time to kill between now and June 7, get over there and slap some boards. The cool stuff was already locked down when I went over there today. If I happen to be awake at 2 a.m. my time tonight/tomorrow, I may head over there again for some quality slap time.

My next post will be about the Virgin Mary. How's that for a cliffhanger? (laugh)

Happy Birthday to Me!

(Sorry I'm kind of a pointless blogging machine lately.)

Screw rez days. It's my real birthday today.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm kind of blue about it.

I don't WANNA turn 30-"something"!

*stamps foot*

And hell no, I'm not telling you my real age, but it's depressing. So depressing, in fact, that last night at dinner I spontaneously burst into tears over a plate full of bratwurst.

I'm just feeling . . . blah about it this year.

"BLAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Anyhoo . . .

Whenever I want to celebrate anything in Second Life, I go to Sweet Dreams Patisserie at Petite Chou and press my face against the window.



(OK, that's not exactly humping the window, but I couldn't find a "How Much is that Doggie in the Window?"-type pose, pardon the pun.)

Edwina Heron's creations there are oh-so-yummy.

For a few months now, I've been lusting after her Red Lacquer Cake:

(I'm holding a gift card for that store, BTW. But there was no "pay with card" option on any of the cakes. Sigh.)

That cake actually looks like a Chinese red wedding cake to me, but someone correct me if I'm wrong -- I probably am. As you can see, it only costs 200L. And the fact that I keep returning to a store to look at a 200L cake -- from which the proceeds go to charity, nonetheless -- is ridiculous.

JUST BUY THE DAMN THING!

But I can't. I just can't spend 200L on a cake right now. And don't encourage me by reminding me that it would benefit cancer research, because trust me, I spent WAAAAAAY too much money at RFL booths at the recent SL Clothing Fair. So that argument won't work.

I also looked at these 200L butterfly cupcakes. They appealed to me in that I love butterflies and I love cupcakes, but mixing the two together just seems a little unappetizing to me.

I'm SORRY, Edwina, but it does:



Especially when it looks like there's a dead butterfly lying in the box.

I finally settled for this very plain little 100L cake. In fact, it's even called Small Pale Green Bow Cake:



Yes, it's a little bland, but so is my mood.

Come over and have a piece if you want though! My friend Lizzie and I were talking about having a party, but I sort of drew a blank when I got to the guest list. I have a lot of people on my friends list, but I doubt they'd want to celebrate my birthday.

*plays a big damn violin here*



Kidding. We still might have one later this week. I'll let you know. I really don't like having a fuss made over me though, unless it's by a good-looking man.

I do have plans in RL. Just me and my brother kicking around, and later dinner with my parents at our country club (sheesh, we're so old South, it's sickening). And this past year was a rough one, but I made it. So I'll hopefully snap out of it after a nap, count my blessings and concentrate on cake.

I only asked for one thing for my birthday, and that was a new aquarium for my pet turtle. So keep your fingers crossed.

Go out and have some fun for me today!!

<3>

Taking out the trash

Hey, this one is short!

I went to the grand opening party at the new Fashion Mode mall last night.

The party invite said the theme was Trashy Glam.

I have no idea how everyone else interpreted Trashy Glam or if anyone even bothered to dress in theme at all. No surprise, everyone was mostly grey to me, and the place was laggy as hell. I gave up after about 15 minutes of feeling like I was dancing in slow motion underwater.

Later, still dressed in my Trashy Glam attire, I went back to actually check out the stores. I walked by a couple of chickies wearing jeans and, I don't know, little tops from Pixel Mode or somewhere. One of them said "Oh. My." and the other one said "God."

OK. 

I didn't know whether to feel sorry for them for their complete lack of a sense of humor or because they were painfully dense and pathetically petty. Honey, if I'm walking around like this, do you REALLY think I'm taking myself seriously?:

Um, I also added a cigarette, silver bangles and a big damn cocktail ring. Actually, I still didn't feel trashy enough. But you know what? I'm still running around like this today.



(Bishes, the bunny likes it.)

I hardly ever do this but:

Hair: Wild Woman Hair from miaSofia
Sunglasses: *Starz* Glasses -- I bought these early last year and I'm not sure where, but the designer is Apple May of AMD, so maybe they're there now. I don't think they were when I bought them though. (Wow, I'm so awesome at this whole fashion blogging thing.)

Earrings: Shiny Silver Large Hoops from Dark Mouse 

Feather Boa: from Last Call. Despite all the feather boas floating around out there, this one remains my favorite (sorry, Nicky Ree).

Dress: Flame Sequin Dress from DYN, prize in the Keys to the VIP gridwide hunt -- and it restored my faith in the usually detested "tiny crotch prim"

Stockings: Laddered stockings from League

Shoes: d'Orsay in Silver Patent from Stiletto Moody

Skin: Meredith (sunkissed) Post Party (past freebie) from Tuli

"I rolled out of a strange man's bed after a long hard night of partying, kissed him on his gorgeous lips as he still slept, rummaged in my bag for sunglasses big enough to cover my mascara-stained and bloodshot eyes, lit a cigarette and followed the scent of beautiful people across the city to the next glam gathering." (at a mall - LOL)

A continued plea to people to occasionally create a damn character and love it, if only for a day. You've got a virtual world at your fingertips. WORK IT! Be a hungover party girl, be a nerdy little chick with pigtails and glasses, be a thunder-thighed warrior princess, be a banana, be a poster girl for prim boobs, be a unicorn, be an elegant gothic lolita, be a fairy, be a Furry, be something -- anything -- that you can't be in real life. (Um, just don't lie about your gender if you're trying to date me. kthxbai.)

Or if you prefer the safety of your Malt jeans and Pixel Mode tops -- and believe me, on most days I usually do -- at least stop laughing at the people who are having a little fun.

But by all means laugh with us though. :D

P.S. Speaking of dorks: YAY! Who Let the Dorks Out? is back!

P.P.S. Speaking of laughs, this Web site usually has me in hysterical giggles: Texts from Last Night

A creative outlet for fashion enthusiasts

OK, so this post isn't completely about SL.

It's about the Web site Polyvore.com. But actually, I believe that site has the potential to increase positive awareness of SL. And I HAVE seen the works of SL designers on this site (for example, momo and I Heart SL are referenced HERE). And all that aside, I think some of you might really dig it.

So I thought I'd talk about Polyvore today for you people out there who like to play, particularly with clothes.

In fact, some of you probably already have heard of it. It's been around for a little while.

Polyvore lets you tap into a giant library of pics to create your own fashion collages (or "sets"). Some users are hardcore professionals who use the site quite seriously to create idea storyboards or showcase their image-consulting, personal shopping, and/or design skills. Or, some aspiring designers use the site to showcase and sell their actual collections.

Other users are people like me, who like to create goofy sets to express moods or play with themes.

Many of the photos in the image library are connected to online stores and boutiques, so if you see something you love, chances are good that you can click through to a store and buy it. The site also runs fun themed contests, allowing you to pit your artistic visions against the sets of other users.

It's also got a slight social networking aspect in that people can comment on your work or vote on whether they like it. You also can add your friends or favorite artists to your contacts list. And yeah, I do call them artists because some of them create some truly amazing work. 

If you happen to be on that site, my user name is "I don't know jack abt fashion." My sets are a mix of earnest attempt, goofing off and, um, some silly Facebook and former MySpace profile pics.

It's been a while since I last visited the site, but I logged back on today and laughed at a few of my past sets that have angsty (what a surprise) stories behind them, mostly related to breakup turmoil. It was like taking a darkly humorous trip down dating memory lane.

So, drumroll please, here's some of my "art" (laugh). After you publish a set, you get a handy embed code for blogs or other networking pages (thus the links after each one):

Hello Kitty Is a Hot Tranny Mess by I don't know jack abt fashion

Uh, that one was inspired by my secret love of Hello Kitty, but also my secret desire to corrupt her a little. My mother is convinced that Hello Kitty is one of the many things that are responsible for my single status. "For God's sake, don't wear these pajamas around a man!!" 

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It Stings by I don't know jack abt fashion on Polyvore.com

Subtitled, "Don't you want to see my stripes?" (I think a weird guy who wanted to sleep together platonically for about three months, but kept dangling promises of eventual sex in front of me, inspired this collage [hell yeah, I finally dumped that guy] --- WOW I 'VE DATED SOME WEIRDOS.)

And those beehive hairstyles up there are made by an SL designer, but unfortunately the link no longer lists the name. Maybe *BP*?

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Tears of a Clown by I don't know jack abt fashion featuring FOSSIL bags

Subtitled, "You could have joined my circus" (obviously created after another breakup).

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My Barbies Will Kick Your Ass and Kill You by I don't know jack abt fashion on Polyvore.com

Inspired by the sick, but oh-so-awesome Barbie Massacre blog.

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Ice Princess by I don't know jack abt fashion featuring Julia Cocco' jackets

Subtitled, "You broke my heart, but I took your Valium, so I guess that makes us even" -- after a Mayo radiologist dumped me for a surgically-enhanced Barbie-girl type. And yeah, when I was packing up my stuff to move out of his friggin' palatial mansion, I threw his bottle of Valium in my purse on my way out the door. Bad girl! But HEY, he was poaching drugs from The Mayo supply closets so . . . whatever. Maybe we'll date again when we're both, um, in hell? 

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On the Wings of Meat by I don't know jack abt fashion featuring Pauric Sweeney bags

I made that one after a hot bf cheated on me with a vegetarian -- LOL.

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I Rock the Unemployment Line by I don't know jack abt fashion on Polyvore.com

Subtitled, "Who's hiring?"

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The Childhood of E.E.F. by I don't know jack abt fashion featuring claire's accessories

Stuff that reminded me of my childhood - I was a ballerina for a while as a teen. And I loved fairies and unicorns, but what little girl didn't? As for "The Shining," um . . . I think I just loved that movie and the book. Still do.

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Christopher Walken is My Imaginary Boyfriend by I don't know jack abt fashion featuring Tom Ford sunglasses

Subtitled, "Hey baby, I got your 'more cowbell' right here!" HA HA HA!

OK. I think you've seen enough. (Laugh)

I realize that this is yet another blog post that could leave you scratching your head and thinking, "Why is THIS post on THIS blog?" but I believe Second Life is one of the greatest virtual outlets for self-expression, so I love introducing kindred spirits to other such outlets.

I also think that this site could be a fun way for content creators to let "real people" play with and marvel at your work -- simply use the site's clipper tool to capture and add shots of your creations to the Polyvore library. For even more exposure, create a few sets with them. 

It may even drive traffic to Second Life. If the 650,000 Polyvore members love playing with little pictures of clothes, think how much they'd love playing with highly detailed, gorgeous virtual collections on sophisticated avatars.

(Sorry, always thinking like a PR person.)

BTW, I checked the careers section and noticed that the site is hiring software engineers, if that's your bag.

Thanks for humoring me with this post. I know it was a little off-the-beaten path.

Have a great Memorial Day!

The gawd-damn domino effect

Uh . . .

*waves sheepishly*

The next time I write a big damn dramatic blog post -- complete with wince-inducing poetry -- about Never Blogging Again, um, just go ahead and blow off the wolf cry. 

Shoot, I'M HOOKED ON PHONICS! *wails*

It could be worse though. I mean, it could be . . . crack or something, right?

And hey, I think I at least lasted 48 hours this time! WOOT!

I blame my backsliding on something I like to call The Second Life Domino Effect. It goes a little something like this:

(Speaking of getting a bunch of fashion bloggers p*ssed at me -- WHOOPS! -- but gosh, THANK YOU for the group invite!) . . . it all started with a desperate struggle for the technical terms to describe THIS WEDDING DRESS for a real-life bridal mag article:



[Yeeks, I wonder if I'm allowed to reprint that pic here? "Photo courtesy of Redcouch Photography" -- honestly one of the more talented wedding photographers I've seen in the RL South (USA), and I'm not just saying that to stay out of trouble. And HEY fashion writers, I still don't know how to describe the bodice. Or the . . . thingy around the chest. Or the . . . bottom. And actually, the bride doesn't know how to describe it all either. Some help please? Oof.]

OK. Here go the dominos:

- So if I wasn't standing with my face smashed against a giant writer's block, I wouldn't have tried to ease my throbbing temples by taking a mental vacation and checking out some SL blogs. DO NOT EVER DO THAT if you're trying to kick a Second Life habit. It'll throw you off the wagon so fast, you won't know what hit you.

- If I wouldn't have been checking out SL blogs, I wouldn't have read about this juicy polka-dot goodness in Luxurious World's 30-minute camp chair:



(We will get to that RAWKIN' Arabian bedroom in a minute.)

- If I wouldn't have suddenly developed a craving for juicy polka dots, I would have never logged on to camp for that dress.

- If I wouldn't have been trying to kill 30 minutes while camping, I wouldn't have read every group notice I have, including the news that Lorac Farella of Pulse has "hidden" four $100L Pulse Climax skins (usually 1200L) to commemorate the grand opening of Envy Designs' new main store, Ultra Nightclub and Legacy Management. Look for the skins in boxes around HERE. Look for more hunt boxes -- also not free, but with great deals on cute things -- HERE as well. A notecard at that second location will show you pics of most of the prizes.

- If I wouldn't have read that notice, I wouldn't have run to grab those skins -- because when I'm not raving about The Obscene skins, I'm usually raving about Pulse skins. I think I own about 25 of them. Well, make that 29 now:



I think it's called Ultra. Or Ultraviolet. Shoot, I suck. But you can't really miss this skin (in four skin tones, one per box) in four giant purple boxes. No cheat sheet necessary. And laugh, laugh, laugh, it was only when I zoomed in to take this pic that I realized there are PURPLE SWIRLY THINGS around the eyes. COOL!

-If I wouldn't have been looking for that skin, I wouldn't have swung into the Legacy Management Rental Office and discovered a new living concept (at least to me): a menu-driven skyhome. Change the WHOLE LOOK of your fully furnished home with the click of a menu button. WOW! (<-- easily entertained) 

- If I wouldn't have been kind of fascinated with a skybox that is um, as FLEXIBLE as my moods, I wouldn't have TP'ed to a demo and then decided to become a real estate-renting mogul (laugh) and rent one, even though I also rent a perfectly great beach house.

But check it!

Arabian Nights option (you saw the inside up there):



Gothic option (fireplace view):



Jon wasn't with me when I made my spontaneous rental decision. He e-mailed me later and said, "We are never using that Gothic version." 

Sheeeeeesh, Jon. Somewhere inside of you, there IS a dark side that wants to frolic under a picture of a blood-drenched rose. I just know it.

"Redrum" option:



(C'mon over, Stephen King!)

Or you can turn your whole plot into a garden of low-prim love:



Maybe I could have adjusted my Windlight settings for that pic. Oops.

And yeah, just about everything in every version is animated. It's a veritable smorgasbord of sexy poseballs in there. On the downside, the skyhomes are all at the same altitude and feel like they're about one inch apart from each other. They don't have privacy walls either, so it's reallllly easy for me to cam into everyone else's place and watch people doing the nasty, if I feel so inclined.

Which I don't.

I DON'T, I SWEAR!

Uh, you can rent one for a minimum of *cough* two hours (for 69L, haha, how appropriate) to up to a month (899L). I paid for a month. Then I'll probably give it up. It's taking up a precious group slot.

- So if I wouldn't have gotten a new dress, a new skin and a new vacation home, I wouldn't have felt the urge to share the joy in this blog.

AND THERE'S MORE. (But if you're exhausted, I totally don't blame you if you wanna stop here.)

- If I wouldn't have been reading SL blogs, I wouldn't have seen the smokin' dresses currently in the Ivalde lucky chair and wandered over there in my new polka-dot dress for some quality stalking time while I waited for some Ambien to kick in. (That's a sleeping pill, by the way, for those of you who aren't hip to the prescription-drug lexicon. I'm a chronic insomniac.)

- If I wouldn't have been wearing that polka-dot dress, I maybe wouldn't have started talking about clothes with Taryn Gartner, who happened to also be at that chair and said to me, "Hey, I camped for that dress too!" I don't know Taryn very well, but she's over there on my blog roll. She's new. I like reading what new people think, before they get sucked into the jaded madness.

- If I wouldn't have been under the influence of Ambien, I probably wouldn't have agreed to accompany Taryn to her favorite store. No offense to Taryn. I'm just REALLY shy "in person" and not in the habit of spontaneously running around with strangers. HOWEVER, I do think I need to seize the day a little more and run around with strangers more often. It usually turns out to be fun.

-- If I wouldn't have run off with Taryn, I would have never discovered the really amazing (and perhaps a little over-the-top opulent) store, Sonatta Morales Weird Couture. Lots of gorgeous period clothing, as well as some fantastic exotic costumes on the top floor and vintage hairstyles on the bottom floor. The designs are amazing, intricate and inspired.

To be fair and balanced, the textures on some of the gowns aren't for me, you've gotta be able to work a system skirt with many of them, and some of the seams don't line up perfectly, but you're still going to turn a lot of heads in these stunning gowns. It's extremely evident that mass quantities of love, research, planning and hard work went into them. Actually, Taryn posted a more detailed description (with pic) over on IHeartSL right HERE.

I bought The Drama Dress (800L) as well as a fat pack of this hair (yeeks, I don't have the name at the moment) for 150L:



OK. I suck at modeling.

And hell yeah, my house is also available for rent as a photography studio. I know you were wondering. The animals serve as your awed audience.



Boom boom pow! Actually, I'm frustrated because it looks a little drab in my pics. I can't do it justice here. 

And lookit the back!



Oops. I need to adjust the shoulder pads. But the pattern is really cool. And that hair is in a retro hair net. A less lame photographer would have gotten the brilliant idea to include that in the photo.

OK. That was a long string of dominos (or "dominoes" -- you can spell it both ways!).

Let's get back really quickly to that wedding dress up at the top. Honestly, if you know technical fashion terms beyond "cool" and "boom boom pow," please HELP ME describe it! I'll make it up to you.

And HEY if your RL self wants to be Facebook friends with my RL self, send me an e-mail at emeraldwynn3 [at symbol] gmail [dot] com (yeah, I spaced it out to avoid spam) and maybe we can reveal our secret RL identities. I don't really talk about SL on my Facebook page, but that's kind of the point.

I'm still trying to keep one foot in the real world.