I've been gone for about four months. In fact, maybe I'm still gone, but I got this urge to log in and at least do something with my yard and house for the holidays. Because look at this HOT MESS OF A YARD right now – LOOK AT IT!
I was kind of horrified to discover that I have almost all new neighbors ("EVERYONE'S GONE!" she wailed), and I'm pretty sure they must hate my guts for having to look at this three-ring circus all the time. Oops.
So I was going to write this deeply meaningful post about why I left and what's changed and how it's kind of a relief to be (sort of) back, but how it also feels sort of tainted – like falling off a sobriety wagon – and I'm also kind of bummed about missing Halloween in SL and those rockin' Day of the Dead KittyCats and blah blah blah blah blah blahhhhhhhhh. But I guess I slept with my head and neck scrunched down into my shoulders like a turtle last night because everything from the boobs up is KILLING ME today. There's just too much pain and not enough drugs in the world to accommodate any coherent thoughts for an extended period of time right now.
So let's play a game instead! It's a new one I just made up on the Cyclops water sim, where I hung out for an hour-and-a-half (not exaggerating, kids!) while I waited for my 200K inventory to load. (I bet you feel all bright and shiny about your 40K inventory now, huh? You're welcome!) It's called . . .
LOOK WHO'S HANGIN' OUT UNDERWATER AT CYCLOPS!
But I need to preface it by saying that if my SL graphics were bad four months ago, they seem to be worse now – and I didn't even think that was possible. This one handy little trick I had of quickly hitting "Rebake Textures" before I snapped a pic no longer works. Instead it turns me into RUTH ("RUUUUUUUUUUTH!") before taking an eternity to rebake the textures, which stay sharp for two seconds and blur again. Good times!
Anyway, the question of the day is "WTF are all these people doing milling around underwater on Cyclops?" Maybe some are bots, but others were walking around acting pretty animated. A more enterprising blogger would have just ASKED THEM, but I prefer to bask in the mystery of it all instead. (Read: "I'm lazy and antisocial.")
Whatever. Let's do this.
LOOK WHO'S HANGIN' OUT UNDERWATER AT CYCLOPS!
*cue the calypso song "Under the Sea"*
If you're looking for a friend or a hot date or maybe even a hooker or two, check out the current selection on the ocean floor at Cyclops.
1. SCHOLARLY BEEFCAKE
He's got it all, y'all! Big arms, tiny hands, sharp glasses, dainty waist, bling, "American Idol" T-shirt. (Kidding. That's not an 'American Idol' T-shirt.) He looks like a casino bouncer. I'd hire him as a bodyguard, though. Seriously. And on a cold, lonely night, hell, I'd probably hit that. He's got a nice face, and those glasses kind of do it for me.
2. BACK ON THE CHAIN GANG
I don't like your rooster hair or the fingerless pirate ship flags on your hands or your 9 million man-necklaces, but I wouldn't mind sliding down that chest like a chilly stripper on a warm fuzzy pole . . . in a snowstorm . . . or something. Maybe I have to work on that analogy. But can you tell it's nippy where I live today? (The weather, I mean.)
3. DARK, BROODING . . . AND VEINY
Well, damn. This is my kind of guy. Go ahead and mock me or whatever, but this guy floats my boat, pardon the pun. (GET IT? Because we're in the water? FUNNY! NO? Oh.) If this is a bot, well, bravo to the bot-creator. Now make one that can hang out in my house, hold halfway intelligent conversations, whisper sweet nothings in my pixelated ear and then magically transform into A REAL MAN that looks just like him, and all my lindens – all 300 of them – are yours, Bot-Maker.
Let's see how close we can zoom in on his face:
OK. You look like you've been hit with an elephant tranquilizer, but all the better to take advantage of you with, my dear! (Yep, you're right. In real life, I haven't bumped nasties with a man since March. MARCH. As in "March to Eternal Celibacy," apparently.)
Oh, sorry. There were women hanging around there, too.
4. PEEP SHOW
Lovely hair. Pretty face. Slightly blurry. (My fault, not hers.) And all she wants for Christmas is an alpha layer or two.
5. SAILOR MOON SAYS 'GOOD JOB!'
I'm not gonna diss this chick. She looks like my Super Dollfie, same wig and everything. Well, except my SD isn't stacked like that. And her hair is purply-black. And she has kind of a goth-circus vibe. And she doesn't look as street-smart as this AV. Or as . . . experienced. But whatever. You go, little Anime Girl With Gills! Rock that underwater Japanese swagger!
6. OIL AND WATER DON'T MIX
OH how I hope that's underwear and not hair-down-there! She gets points for having a festive, Christmas-y collar though. And her claws match her eyes, which match her dress. Maybe that scores big points with horny mermen looking to catch some shiny slip-n-slide action.
7. POSSESSED-LOOKING DORK WITH SAGGY BOOBS AND A DOLL HANGING ON HER BRAID
Oh wait. That's me. HAHAHA!
Big hugs to all of you! I missed everybody!
Cyclops Underwater Sim – an excellent low-lag place to load massive inventories and people/bot-watch. Occasionally a tugboat will drift by. Or a plane will cruise overhead. Besides that, there's not much going on, which is a good thing if you're having a hard time getting your inventory to load.
GET IT FOR A STEAL!
Bianca's Cow Abduction – 50L on Marketplace. Includes ship, beam, cow emitter (3 prims). Also includes extra cows. Does not include Jesus.
Yeah, those are song lyrics. I read a ranting blog post once by some random blogger who HATES, HATES, HATES it when people use lyrics as blog post titles. HEY. Sometimes it's necessary just to get the damn song out of my head, honey. Anyway, those lyrics are from the song "Old Angels" by The Freddy Jones Band. One of my all-time favorites, and I often think of it when I'm surrounded by strangers. Check it out on iTunes if you feel so inclined! The band is kind of obscure, so I couldn't find a decent YouTube link. Sorry 'bout that.