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Monday, February 7, 2011

The mere price of 140,000L


If you could've seen my real face yesterday, it looked like this:

O_O

(Actually the mouth should be round.)

Why didn't someone tell me that on very rare occasions Amaretto Breedables can breed UNICORNS??!!

*does a little unicorn dance*

Throughout this whole "Help, I can't stop paying real money for fake cats so I can make them have sex and have little fake babies!" phase, I've consoled myself by saying, "Hey, at least I'm not one of those Amaretto horse people. Those people are nuts."

No offense, Amaretto horse people. But sometimes — wait, make that "frequently" — a TP will fail and I'll accidentally land in the middle of a big confusing OCEAN of Amaretto horses on some random sim. I will gape in morbid fascination for a few minutes and then go on my not-so-merry, probably-not-gonna-be-able-to-TP-again way. I never really got what the deal with those things are.

And then I found out they can sometimes breed unicorns. And the quest began.

Like an idiot, I thought I could just waltz into a horse ranch, throw some lindens around and leave with one. I searched in Classified for "Amaretto unicorn" or, as the breed is known, "charmed Amaretto." I found one place that advertised robocorns, unicorns, pegasuses, and demon. . . corns or something. I don't know. I wasn't really paying attention to those.

Let's pause for a random picture . . .


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I didn't know we had SLayboy! How do I get to be a centerfold? Seriously. I'm putting it on my SL bucket list, right under "get unicorn." I'm not joking. Just tell me how you want my sliders, baby!

OK

I learned it's not that easy to buy an Amaretto unicorn. I searched all over the grid and I can't find anyone who's selling one. Many owners are renting out their male unicorns and pegacorns for stud service at 5000L a pop though. I'm on a waiting list.

So the best I could do was buy unicorn offspring.


Behold, the children of unicorns! Nope, they don't have the horns, but they do have the traits.

Exciting. (Please grow up and have unicorn babies.) Don't ask me how much I paid for them. Please don't. (That's a salt lick in the foreground, BTW. I was gonna draw a face on it, but I didn't want to confuse you.)

I also bought these:


Yeah. I'm done drinking cheap merlot while I shop for fake horses. WOOOO! It looks like a coloring book exploded all over my farmland!

I have another shiny one with snowflakes all over her, and one that looks like a candy cane. Yes, they were expensive. When I was a noob, I was poor. I didn't have an RL job and I lived in the World's Ugliest Skybox and I wore a lot of Ronja Wear business-in-a-box stuff. I camped for money and shook my moneymaker at club contests and lurked around studying Zyngo masters until I became a Zyngo champion myself and saved and saved and saved and saved . . . just to buy one pair of Stiletto Moody shoes. When I finally got them, I wrote a blog post about it. Then some chick named Princess rained on my shoe parade and left a comment making fun of me for being poor. Now I wish I could track her down, throw her in a pile of really expensive horse manure and yell, "HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, PRINCESS? HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM HORSE APPLES?"

Sorry. Just having a twisted little fantasy moment.

OK, so I'm going to need all of you to sit down now. Are you sitting down?

This horse . . .


. . . costs 140,000L.

I don't even know why it's so spectacular. I was too busy straining my brain trying to translate 140,000L into USD. I finally went to my SL dashboard and typed it into "Buy Lindens." (Hey Linden Lab, I crash every five minutes these days, so at the very least you can do some MATH for me.) And then I had this HORRIBLE OCD moment where I got terrified that my fingers were going to get a mind of their own and hit "Buy Now!" Or that my cat would jump up on my keyboard at that moment and hit it on accident. Honestly, that is the type of comical disaster that happens to me all the time.

Anyway, 140,000L = $557.77 USD.

MY GOD, WE NEED SOME EXCLAMATION POINTS: !!!!!!!!!!

Can you imagine? Can you imagine paying $557.77 for an SL horse??! I can't! Even with my wild, wild imagination and my very reluctant, yet deep and probably undying love for this place, I can't. Maybe $300. Maybe $320. But never $500!!

Do any of you know anyone who's paid $500 USD or more for an Amaretto Breedable? Because if so, I would like to interview him. And I say "him" because I'm hoping it's a guy. Then the interview could go like this:

Emerald: So, you paid $500 U.S. bucks for a virtual horse?
Emerald's Future Sugar Daddy: Yep. That's pocket change.
Emerald: Why'd you buy it?
EFSD: Because I felt like it.
Emerald: Are you really a man in RL?
EFSD: Yes
Emerald: Do you have a wife?
EFSD: No
Emerald: Do you have a girlfriend?
EFSD: No
Emerald: Do you have a boyfriend?
EFSD: No
Emerald: Wanna blow this place off and go ride some real horses?
EFSD: I live in Italy
Emerald: I'll let you fly me there
EFSD: OK

I don't have a way to end this story. I didn't find a unicorn. I'll try really hard to breed one. I did find a gunslinger, though. He was checking out the prices for the stud service on this unicorn (Robocorn? I don't know the lingo):


I wish I could have snapped a better picture of him. You can barely see him, but he's got that rough-and-tumble look I like. I wanted to say, "So hey baby, what do YOU charge for stud service?"

Wow.

Revealing my secret SLayboy centerfold dream. Fantasizing about beating the crap out of Princess. Lusting after a cartoon gunslinger. I must be ovulating.

One more thing. I got some of those new KittyCatS today. I received one blogger review pair — it made me feel special (They like me! They really like me!) — and then I bought three more pairs.


I wanted to hate them, only because I'm so financially and emotionally invested in the Wildwoods. But I'll admit, that little tongue sticking out is SO DAMN CUTE! So are the animations.

Prices: 298L for a single cat, includes food for one week; 599L for one male-and-female pair, includes food for one week; 1500L for two male-and-female pairs, includes food and milk for two weeks; and 4500L for five pairs, includes food and milk for two weeks, as well as vitamins for love, energy, healing and breakup (?).

If only someone would pump me full of magic vitamins after all my breakups.


Aw!

I'm curious to see if their traits will be as varied and cool as those of the Wildwoods. And I'm hooked on the thrill of trying to get a Wildwood Elegant. It appeals to the gambler in me. *cue Kenny Rogers* But I'll breed these pairs and see what happens.

I was also going to pick up the new breedable dogs today, but that sim has been full ALL DAY. Wow.

Oops. I accidentally talked about procreating animals again. But I did throw some imaginary sex in there too!

Get Stuff In World:
SugarCube Ranch (stud service from charmed Amarettos and offspring for sale)
Bright Angel Cove (my new favorite place for finding rare Amarettos)
KittyCats
BioBreeds Dogs, aka mission impossible
Emerald's Cat House — shameless self-promotion, not mentioned in blog, sorry

23 comments:

Tashi Core said...

I almost fell onto the floor laughing when I read this post. In the office.

OMG, you are so making me want to start a farm for myself...

Chalice Carling said...

Oh dear. She's gone from fashion to farming. Cats, horses, unicorns, dogs, Italian Stallions. Where will it end? Stay tuned folks....

Why not just chuck a stick out of your horses head, color it white and try to sell it for $150,000L's?

Love it :-)

Valerian said...

I'm with Tashi - I was attracting curious faces at work, sniggering all the way through this post. I can't wait to see what happens with the unicorn. And btw, $557USD? OMG! You've got to be kidding me. I see in the blogs of people saying 'i bought that fatpack' or this fatpack - of Maitreya shoes ye gods (as much as I secretly hope to become rich so I can buy them myself), but I quibble at spending 1000L on a good skin ..... $557US? sheesh!

Anonymous said...

OK Emerald, I was going to delete SL today and watch my land slide off into the sea..breaking my partner's heart and my own, but....you have saved us. I laughed so much as I read your post, how can I leave this crazy, wonderful world? Now I want to go on a hunt for breedable pixels myself..you are a hoot, girl!

Wonderful!!!!!

Mysti Thorne

Asia Romano said...

OMG this made me laugh and laugh, damn! that's one expensive fake horse. I think this is the next 'craze' lol

http://brb-gone-shopping.blogspot.com/2011/02/latest-craze.html

Emerald Wynn said...

Aw, thank you! I'm glad some good can come out of my painful pixel yearnings! I'm your hookup if any of you really do start a farm. I'm already running out of prims . . . on a 988-prim parcel! :-O

Nina said...

I love your blog:D

I only can't subscribe, because your blog is from blogspot and mine from wordpress. WHY do they hate each other? PLAY NICE!!!!1111oneleven

The breedable pets creep the shit out of me. They look like some Frankenstein-brought-to-life-pets. That'll stand by your bed in the middle of the night. And eat your brainzz.

I promise I'm not crazy.

Emerald Wynn said...

Nina thank you and LOLOLOLOL!!!!

I wish they'd make breedable zombies.

Serenity Semple said...

LOL XD Your posts never cease to amaze me Emera! I have a couple breedables hiding in my inventory but mostly ones I got for free. I'm still debating getting into the stuff, they're cute but soo pricey. LOL for the crazy prices. XD

MY GOD, WE NEED SOME EXCLAMATION POINTS: !!!!!!!!!! = Epic XD

Awww the new kitties are so cute. XD Stop tempting me to get cute fake things of awesome!!! <3

Alicia Chenaux said...

I love you so much. SO. FREAKIN. MUCH. LMAO!! I totally snorted reading this. I was trying not to laugh too loudly as to not wake up the sleepers in the house, but I couldn't help it!

Owly Indigo said...

"Revealing my secret SLayboy centerfold dream. Fantasizing about beating the crap out of Princess. Lusting after a cartoon gunslinger. I must be ovulating."

I cried tears ... tears of LOL!!!!

Emerald Wynn said...

What kind of scares me is that I wasn't really trying to be funny in this post. Oops.

Thank you - your comments are making me laugh at work! *happy face*

Seren, when these KittyCatS have babies, you can have one. Or two. Or five.

Emerald Wynn said...

(and Ali, I love you SO. FREAKIN. MUCH too!)

Nina said...

Omg breedable zombies, I think you're on to something. Quick, design and logo and make a prototype before anyone else steals the idea!!!

On a related note (why am I spamming you with my mindless babbling), today I fail-teleported next to a huge field of horses. This is worrying. Never have I been anywhere near those horses, I read your blog and BAM, there they are.

However, I discovered a Fabio-horse. That was the highlight of my day.

(I promise I will stop spam-commenting now)

Lucy Lourbridge said...

Oh I'm gonna send you the info card on Meeroos... find some more prims! :)

Aisuru Rieko said...

Em I got a pair of the kittens last night too, they're running around my house on Bluebonnet. So I'd like to reserve your first fancy kitten (that you'd want to sell) because i'm not breeding them just admiring them <3

Galilla Sinatra said...

Wait, "food for one week?" You mean you actually have to keep purchasing food for the cats? LOL...now there's a business!

/me wonders whether I should invent some zombie food real quick. Maybe a Wal-mart-ish body parts store?

I've seen those horses everywhere and was wondering what the deal was with them.

♪ Guenevere ♪ said...

Oh yeah the big money for the breedables business is having keep buying food for your ever growing population of fuzzy fake creatures. :-P

I've been staying out of that whole thing for that very reason since I got 2 RL cats to care for and feed (and clean up after) already. LOL

Kickass post, Emerald. Hope you get at least one of those bucket list dreams accomplished soon. ;-)

Anonymous said...

I loved this story from Emerald. I lived the same SL life for awhile. I still have a few charmed siblings and have yet to get my Pegacorn! Oh well, i am with you Emerald, $500 RL ones is too much for me to spend on a SL horse, can't do it!

Happy Kitty Breeding and see you in SL. Erin Opaque

Chalice Carling said...

What happens if you don't keep feeding the cats? Do they disappear/die/shrivel up?

Emerald Wynn said...

Chalice - they don't die but you do have to revive them with a rather pricey first-aid kit. :)

Chalice Carling said...

FIRST AID KIT???? Is it wrong that I'm busting my guts laughing? I think I need to open my mind more. I'm sending a positive affirmation into the ether that Em's pussy won't need mouth to mouth.

Nikita Mortenwold said...

I remember the first time I spent that kind of money on a horse in SL. I was looking at one with Rainbow eyes for 150,000L. I must have stood there for 20 minutes with the buy now button in my face. My friend came along and bought it from under my nose, so I opted for a cheaper one for 120,000L :/

We both IM'd each other passing the bucket as we sat there feeling physically sick... but did it pay off??

Well, in the last 4 months of breeding horses, I've been making on average about 150k a week. My 120K that I spent on one horse was my investment and a roll of the dice.. It paid off! Between the 1st and the 15th of february, my account took over 1 million lindens in sales. The only difference... the albino eyes! I guess sometimes you just gotta learn when to say 'what the f***' and roll that dice :) Glad to see my shop on the blog.. I've finally reached fame :) YAY!!