Sunday, July 27, 2014

Mesh bird poop not included

I bought some Slink hands. It's weird having attractive SL hands. It makes me want to run around and point at everyone and everything. "Hey you! Yes you. Look at that over there. LOOK AT IT! Who me? You talking to me? Her? Whatever. Look over there!" That kind of thing.

 photo blown_zps1951c08f.jpg
Skin: Erin in Aurora, Sunkissed by League. (AWESOME name for a skin! *wink*); Eyes: Arcane Eyes in Angel by Buzz at The Seasons Story; Shirt: Criss T-shirt by Kitja Cherie at The Seasons Story; Hair: Blown Away by Exile at Hair Fair 2014.

Check out this Blown Away hair by Exile. It's cool, but if I were a hair creator, I would skip the melodic and poetic hair names and use names like "BIG DAMN RAWWWWWWWKIN' HAIR!" instead.

And speaking of hair, there are only a few more hours left to visit Hair Fair 2014. For a list of all the participating creators and their individual Hair Fair SLURLS, click HERE.

I would sum up this year's theme as "Long hair, more long hair, even more long hair, long layers, some token dreamy braids and ...

 photo birds1_zps669c7389.jpg
Skin: Celestial Femme Fairy by Al Vulo! from a previous The Dressing Room Fusion (with some random eyelash tattoo I found in my inventory); Eyes: Luminous Eyes in Pacific Blue by OTRHair: Sopha with Tweeters by Ohmai at Hair Fair 2014
"... birds ...

 photo birds2_zpscab90b34.jpg
Skin: Cannes by Essenz from a previous The Dressing Room Fusion (with eyelash tattoo); Eyes: Ancient Eyes in Fern by OTR; Hair: Sue with Nesting Tweeters by Ohmai at Hair Fair 2014

"... birds ...

 photo birds3_zps198b9e30.jpg
Skin: Erin in Aurora, Sunkissed by League (with eyelash tattoo); Eyes: Herbalist Eyes in Rosemarinus by A.S.S.; Hair: The Birdhouse by Bizarre Hair at Hair Fair 2014

"... and MORE BIRDS!"

My thanks to everyone who makes this annual fundraiser for Wigs for Kids possible. Also, thank you to the many creators who generously offer fun Hair Fair gift bags. My favorite freebie this year is Ohmai's Companion Tweeters, available in two sizes, both in wearable and rezzable versions.

 photo tweetercompanions_zpsf9849cbb.jpg

They even sing. :)

("I'm Nr. 1!")

Thursday, July 24, 2014

That. One. Damn. Thing.

 photo damnyou_zps6da6d1c0.jpg

Only the people with crappy computers will understand the sheer agony of standing around for hours waiting for That. One. Damn. Thing. to rez.

I zoomed in and out on it, moused over it, clicked it like I was gonna buy it, slammed my AV up against it, spun around in a circle, cammed somewhere else for a while, danced a jig, backed up, moved forward, scooted left, scooted right, sat on the display for a while, jumped off, sat down in the grass and waited and waited. Nothing. Finally I crashed.

The mystery will probably haunt me until the end of my days.

Oh well.

(I'm Nr. 1!)

Kitja Cherie mesh T-shirts at The Seasons Story, 100L.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Just don't

 photo bigbutts_zpse007bae4.jpg

Chicks who walk into booths at Hair Fair and then stand there for hours blocking the door with their gigantic asses and booty-swinging, hair-flipping AOs.

(Yeah, it's a sentence fragment. Why waste words.)

At first I thought she wasn't wearing pants. Then I realized her shorts were being devoured by DAT ASS.

I didn't snap her from the front, but dang, she was SPECTACULAR in all her glory.

I will never understand this blangin' thug-life girlfriend look, but then again I'm a boring middle-aged woman trapped in the suburbs, so what the hell do I know? At least she went that extra mile (or more) to give her AV some character.

To her credit, she might have been wearing shoes. SL holds all kinds of wondrous possibilities that never get around to rezzing on my computer.

Go ahead and call me mean names, but damn, I love fug-watching. I don't mind admitting it. Hell, I'm the poster child for fug these days in my 2012 retro wardrobe, so just wave at my glass house when you walk by and let me keep throwing my little rocks once in a while. I miss the fug blogs, too. I feel like I've earned the right to make that statement since I've been featured in them myself a few times. Plus, in better days I would have been the first person to give you the fugly shirt off my own back or lindens or whatever you needed if you were suffering. You can laugh at fug and still be a good person. YES YOU CAN!

Speaking of alms for the poor, much love to Whispers Magic for her gift of Slink feet. (When you gonna blog again, Whispers??) I'm looking forward to trying them out and finally having sophisticated feet like the rest of you.

I'm gonna get back to trying to wade through Hair Fair now. Even on a weekday, I crash about every seven minutes. Some things never change.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Let's be models

This is a bad post for me to be writing, considering the fact that the last folder in my inventory right now is "2012 Clothes" (subdivided, of course) and I'm still running around in system jeans with prim leg attachments, which I'm sure is not that hip these days, but whatever.

Here we go.

 photo 39509b42-deee-4299-b912-a9c4dda45c5f_zpsf58217b7.jpg

I'll explain this picture in a minute. (And oh hey, I standardized my shape to Medium mesh size and I feel like I look a little thuggish with no neck now. Wah.)

Anyway, so I was logging into SL the other day and I happened to see this "event" in the Events calendar.


"WE PAY $800/hour HIRING MODELS-no experience need-NEW RESIDENTS WELCOME- event to hire

Time: 07/13/14 12:00 pm
Duration: 2 hours
Location: DreSS To ImpreSS-mODELS~CatWALK-fAShIONS- LiVE mUSIC on Loon
Host: [Name omitted for privacy]
Category: Nightlife/Entertainment
Cover: FREE

~WE PAY $800/hour HIRING MODELS-no experience need-NEW RESIDENTS WELCOME- event to hire- look for blue box at store for instructions -gowns,casual clothes,low prim furniture,body paint,tattoes,bathing suit,costumes,carnaval mask,new avatars look,pretty flexy hair,pretty avatars, models house, fashion clothes,men clothes, men hair, women clothes,women shoes, stilletos, wedges, pijamas,party clothes,land orbit,land security system"


I'm not living an RL that affords me a steady flow of lindens anymore, so I saw this ad and thought, "Oh REALLLLLY??! 'New residents welcome,' huh? 'No experience need,' even? YEEHAW! Count me in!"

I thought it was a thing, you know? Like, you show up to this place, meet at the aforementioned mysterious blue box, get handed some "pretty flexy hair," "body paint" and "tattoes" and prance around somewhere for two hours at 800L an hour.

Wrong. Oh, so wrong.

I flew into DreSS To ImpreSS-mODELS~CatWALK-fAShIONS and it was a deserted wasteland — a vast, bright blue deserted wasteland. But LO AND BEHOLD! There was a giant display with a blue box over in one corner – right next to a badly textured catwalk – so I wandered over to it. I thought maybe it was "camp modeling," like you log into a spot and stand there posing for two hours until you get paid.

 photo 6441b86d-8f9e-4b39-8b8e-9665ad402b40_zpsc4646bc4.jpg

(WHOA, NELLY! My, what big hair and pink lips you have!)

I clicked the box for "model instructions" and got this notecard:






- read careful to apply correctly or you will not be selected.

- DO NOT SEND NOTES ASKING QUESTIONS SEND IM - If you send IM asking questions that are clear in this note you will get disqualify for this position. So please read all instructions first before ask.


- pictures need to be taken by yourself- professional pictures or pictures taken by friends will be rejected.

-get some clothes you think will look good on you for the picture to apply.

STORE CLOTHES ONLY- if you can't buy clothes you can't apply-if you don't like my clothes enough to buy why should i hire you?- you have to like my clothes and buy them because you liked not just to apply for model. If you don t like my clothes to wear them. Don't get it. I'm not interesting to increase my sells with your purchase. This is not scam i need to increase my models team.

- Take your picture at any place of your preference. make your picture 512x512. full body picture showing the clothes.

- Don't send pictures inside notes. send picture texture only.

- Tittle your picture: ' MODEL SEARCH' and your full SL name-not screen names- (please full rights, modify,copy and transfer). -drop the picture to my profile [NAME OMITTED]

- (please ONLY ONE picture PER DRESS will be accepted. but, you can take and send as many pictures as you want with different clothes from the store. If you send more than one pic with same dress you get disqualify).

- you need to showed the full attire you're wearing (also try to set the light for your picture correct so the picture is not to dark. force midday is good way. you are welcome to edit the picture before you send it).

Note: If you send a picture without correct tittle is going to be rejected sorry.

Please be sure you have mark in your profile 'show on search'- otherwise we are not going to contact you.

-- If you do not get contact between one month. please reapply again with same picture."


Whenever I read "This is not scam," I think, "This is scam."

But whatever. I was curious to see what would happen if I sent one of my legendarily bad pics of myself in a 2008 dress, particularly since "ALL MODELS THAT APPLY CORRECT FOLLOWING THIS INSTRUCTIONS WILL BE HIRE, GUARANTEE."

I figured if I heard back and actually had to DO some type of modeling thing, it would make for an amusing blog post — and if I DIDN'T hear back, it'd at least make for a "Hey, new people, beware this scam" post. So either way, all five of us who still read this blog still win, right?

I wandered around the store looking at the massive collection of oh-so-retro fashions. Many of them reminded me of my old favorite *cough* Lemania Indigo Designs, circa 2008. (Is she still around?)

I considered this White Butterfly Gown, in honor of my now-gone-from-SL (I think) friend Random Calliope:

 photo butterflygown_zpsa7cf860c.jpg
That's not hair on my back. It's a lace-back tank top.

WOOOOO! That is SOME GOWN, kids!

And the price?


SERIOUSLY??!! I was expecting 99L, at most. With $395L I could buy a boatload of stuff in The Dressing Room Fusion, including mesh jeans.

With a crushed heart, I kept browsing. NOTHING in that store was less than 395L, although many things were 495L and even 595L.

I cammed up and saw more fashion upstairs, including a "discount fashions" vendor. BINGO! Surely I could find a masterpiece for my career-launching portfolio shot there.

Still on the butterfly theme, I honed in on the "Erotic Goliath Butherfly Body Paint":

 photo 440013f2-9c99-46f8-99a4-e27f13d92721_zps034430c2.jpg
Let's see if Photobucket will let those painted nipples fly.
The hilarious truth is I would have been ORGASMIC over this getup as a noob. I LOVED stuff like this back then.

I got out my 25L, clicked "Pay" on the vendor and stopped in my tracks at the 295L price tag.

Um, I guess I'll pass.

(Hey, remember bellybutton bling? I had some that flashed!)

Plan C was the store's lucky chair. Scroll back up to the top and check out that flirty little red dress. It retails for 395L. But hey, if the store owner is "not interesting to increase my sells with your purchase" through this gig, she won't mind if I apply with a photo of me wearing her lucky chair gown, right?

My AV stood by that chair for two hours. IRL, I read a few chapters in "A Dance With Dragons (Book Five, Game of Thrones)" and goofed around on an app I'm obsessed with called Covet Fashion.

Meanwhile in the virtual world, the chair kept cycling through every letter in the alphabet except mine every five minutes. There were no wildcards. I got bored as hell. The funny thing is, ladies kept TPing in to check on that chair. They were all rocking "pretty flexy hair" and retro clothes. I wanted to ask them if they really WANTED that dress or if they too were dreaming of a modeling gig at Fifth Avenue Fashions / DreSS To ImpreSS / whatever-the-hell-the-place-is-called. But I was too shy.

Finally I gave up and left. Sadly, I doubt I'll keep working on this experiment. It hurts my eyes and makes me feel kind of sad. I'm inclined to chalk it up as a scam to get money out of new people, though. The whole "If you do not get contact between one month. please reapply again with same picture" smells bad to me. It makes me wonder about other ways people try to scam the innocent out of lindens here. When I was new, occasionally people would come up and beg me for 1L, but that was about it.

 photo flexy_zps631d4874.jpg

"Kimberly Modern Flexy Hair" with "extra shine natural flex" and "resize menu."

Those were the days, huh? When I first joined the SL community, I had hair much like this style — although not as sophisticated — and it was MY FAVORITE. The funny thing is, I'm still too sentimental to delete that hair from my inventory:

 photo pinky_001.jpg


That is all.

P.S. So, if I don't have those new-fangled Slink feet, am I screwed? Does ANYBODY make shoes for normal feet anymore? :(

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Little girl lost

 photo c1bf3cff-4a19-4abf-bce8-0ff046ee725e_zps6eb45a2e.jpg

Let's pause for a second while I stand in a field (skybox) and pensively gaze off into the distance, dreaming of what it would be like to have a rockin' graphics card and not one of the first MacBook Pros ever made.

OK, cool. Thanks for indulging me.

Fantasizing aside, wow, I didn't realize Hair Fair started this weekend. No wonder it's so lag-a-licious right now. I'll check it out in a few days. Hair Fair has a weird significance for me: That's where I was when I found out Michael Jackson was dead. I was trying on some hair when someone ran through the pixelated streets yelling, "MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD!" It was a little surreal.

But anyway.

An extraordinarily kind person put some lindens in my account with a note that said, "Have fun shopping!" so that's exactly what I did. In the process, I found a new-to-me store that I like. I'm not sure when creators Caresia Adored and SonnetSoleil Resident came on the scene (if I weren't so lazy, I'd ask them) but I wasn't aware of LaNoir Soleil Designs before my two-yearish hiatus.

I discovered LNS Designs at the One Word bi-monthly event (open through July 31), another thing that's new to me. SO MUCH FRESH NEW SMELL around here these days! The 'one word' for this round of the event is "Wonderland" and my eyes got all goggled-out when I saw this mesh Internal Wonderland AV (347L) with a BIPOLAR HUD.

 photo adb0a8c3-f95d-4420-9eaa-8faee6c14f91_zps0fe261fd.jpg
Yeah, I felt like we needed some sunshine and a handy arrow in this one.

GET OUT! That is BRILLIANT! I've spent my WHOLE LIFE feeling like I have a bipolar HUD attached to my brain. If only I could click it whenever I wanted! That manic side, for instance, comes in SOOOOO handy when you have a bathroom that needs to be cleaned and perhaps a closet or two that needs to be organized and even a whole damn neighborhood of houses that need to be painted ... and all in the middle of the night, too!

In the case of this avie, that "Eat Me!!" slice of cake will get you Alice. But click the "Drink Me!!" bottle and you get magically transformed into ...

 photo eb3fb99c-a8b4-4767-b45b-a93308b38031_zps6c462ab8.jpg

It's Malice, bitch.

 photo darkaliceclose_zpse19890df.jpg

This one's more my style right now.

(Um, yeah, I would totally suggest checking out this girl in world on YOUR OWN computer and not through the strained and struggling eyes of my hoopty laptop. Or you can check her out on the LaNoir Soleil blog HERE.)

Really cool though – hair, dress, eyes, skin, socks, shoes, all of it changes instantly with a mere click. I want more mesh AVs that change with HUDs. Damn, that would make my SLife so much easier. I love buying clothes and hair in SL; I just hate the tedious chore of changing into them. Weird, huh? I haven't had that problem officially diagnosed, but it's most likely an attractive combination of compulsive shopping and hoarding.

I went over to the LNS Designs store to check out the rest of their stuff. Looks good! Lots of cool hair, dreamy clothes and a section full of generous freebies and 12L gifts from past hunts. I ended up standing hypnotized in front of the MAGNIFICENTLY LONG row of lucky chairs until I won all of them, granted most of them on wildcards.

 photo luckychairs_zps5ad8b658.jpg

The 'E's never seem to pop up on lucky chairs. If I could do it all again, I'd give myself an SL name that started with 0-9.

I noticed LNS had another AV for sale at The Co-Op's Nexus Event (theme: space), so I tried out the demo and bought that one too.

 photo botgirl_zpscdb3812e.jpg

This Eve Seven AV was an awesomely affordable 427L, and I want to again thank my friend Deoridhe for the shopping spree that made the purchase possible. If you haven't checked out her blog Prim Dolls, you must do so now, and I'm not just saying that because she gave me money.

On one final kind of sad note, I always forget that I own a tiny mangled mess of a 512 plot on the mainland. I went over there the other day to check it out, mainly to see if I could ever bear setting up a house there should the day ever come when I can't pay the rent for my beloved parcel on Bluebonnet. (I'm freelancing IRL these days, so every month is filled with suspense when it comes to my ability to pay bills. Kind of like being trapped in a horror movie. That. Never. Ends.)

Anyway, I think the answer to that question is "NO." Back in the day, I named that parcel Emerald's Chicken Wonderland because chickens were the only breedable thing we had going on and I had a little egg stand there. It was kind of a marvelous place to visit because it was surrounded by fug in all its SL glory. Acres and acres of tiny parcels crammed with every kind of eyesore you could imagine, not to mention my own. I tried to terraform it and failed and now it looks like someone threw up a bunch of land in the shape of a square. At least there was a lot of enthusiastic, noobish hustle and bustle going on all around, though.

But now ...

 photo abandoned_zps2e5357aa.jpg

Holy crikey — everyone's GONE! I flew around and it just said "Abandoned Land," "Abandoned Land," "Abandoned Land" in every direction, as far as I could fly. It was a little heartbreaking. Granted, I knew we'd all have to grow up and leave Neverland eventually – I just never expected a mass exodus.

Speaking of everyone leaving, when I look over at the blog roll on this page, I see that a lot of my favorite bloggers over there haven't blogged in years either.

Damn. I hope everyone's doing OK.

Think I'm gonna go fix a drink now. :-\

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Stranger in a barely familiar land

 photo clawhandonbooks_zpsd5b26483.jpg
Just call me Claw Hand.
Wow, kids! How do you even BEGIN to write a blog post about a place after you've been away from it for sooooooo long? IT FEELS WEIRD, Y'ALL, but here it goes!

I logged in the other night and left my parcel for the first time in years. I felt like a stranger in a barely familiar land. I don't even know what the hell's going on in SL anymore. Usually I log in once a month or maybe once every few months just to pay my rent and that's it. I pop in, throw some money at my landlady ("Hi! Here's some money! Sorry it's a little late! *cough* Bye!"), pet the PermaCat, water the plant and then POOF! I'm out.

 photo porch_zpsf2535e7e.jpg
I've downsized to an Artilleri trailer these days. Cute pink though! See it in all its glory on the SL Marketplace HERE.

Back when I left, I felt like I needed to pull away from SL for a while so I could concentrate on fixing my mess of a life. (It's STILL kind of a mess of a life, BTW, but at least I OWN it instead of avoiding it.) But a few days ago, I had kind of a rough night. It felt like I had hit an all-time low and I was having a REALLY hard time keeping my demons on their leashes. So I thought, "Hey, I know a place that feels like my NARNIA and makes me happy, so I think I'm gonna push my way through the back of that magic wardrobe and see what's going on." Kind of like a Band-Aid for depression. (Granted, it's more like one of those generic band-aids that doesn't stick very well and just barely covers your raw, oozing sore, but it still takes your mind off the agony for a few minutes.)

Plus, I'm a sucker for the SL birthday celebrations, so the timing was perfect.

 photo centaur_zpsa40d3118.jpg
"Hey baby, what's going on? I like your ... ponytails."

I haven't changed out of those jeans and that stylish trench coat since late 2012.

So yeah, it's weird, stumbling around, trying to get my fingers to remember how to work camera controls and stuff. It took me five minutes just to dust off my memories of how to take a PICTURE, let alone more complicated tricks like Debug Settings. Things have changed and there's a lot I feel clueless about — maybe I should swing by one of those centers for noobs and scream, "SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

Some things have stayed exactly the same, though. Like my graphics. They still suck. It still takes FOREVER for things to rez and sometimes things just don't want to cooperate, period. An overload of textures, for instance, will make my computer throw up its imaginary hands and scream, "NO WAY, HONEY."

 photo pezhead_zpsbace112c.jpg

Take that grey shapeless mass, for instance. That's me on an elephant that never completely rezzed. Good times. And hell yeah, that's a cupcake on my face. I got my face painted at a booth at SLB11. If you haven't been over there, you can still go check it out until ... well, um, the end of tonight, I think. (Yay for procrastinators!) You'll have to sprint through all the exhibits, but I think it's worth it. There's a lot of cool stuff to see — as well as a few eyesores. (It's funny that we're celebrating 11 years, yet some people are still using textures from 2003, but whatever. It's all good.)

My heart is a little broken that the SLB11 Linden Bear vendor isn't giving out Birthday Linden Bears anymore, but there are still a lot of great gifts to be had at the various exhibits if you're in a "gimme gimme gimme free stuff" kind of mood.

ALSO, I'll have you SLB11 exhibitors know that I read ALL YOUR NOTECARDS and try to participate in ALL your exhibit activities. I'm that much of an enthusiastic dork at these things. And wow, I had no idea we had such intelligent and productive groups in SL. I'm always shocked to discover that people are actually doing things here besides shopping.

Granted, because of my crappy graphics, there are bound to be some occasional misunderstandings when it comes to reading all the signage at these types of events:

 photo rice_zps224ffa7f.jpg

Where is this enjoyable rice of which you speak and will I need chopsticks with that HUD?

All that aside, I guess this year's theme for SLB11 was "Big Damn Scary Heads on Parade."

 photo bighead_zpsc6541cbc.jpg

Yep, this is SL through the eyes of my ancient computer, kids. Doesn't it look like a blast? Eventually that thing rezzed. It still made me run the hell away, though. (After I poured myself a tall frosty beer with a lemon in it.)

Let's look at some more.

 photo anotherdamnhead_zps7969a103.jpg

I believe this one belongs to a group that helps new avatars. Insert your own joke about eating them afterward here.

 photo anotheone_zpseee1fd9d.jpg

I have a Chia Pet that looks like this, albeit not half as serene.

 photo guy_unit_zps8e760879.jpg

KIDDING! She's lovely! (The head, not my Chia Pet.)

 photo silvercolors_zps6421f152.jpg


 photo eeeeeek_zps88b154d2.jpg

Props for the lip piercings, but not so much for the nightmares I'm going to have for the rest of my life.

That's about it. Those are my deep, meaningful pictures of the SLB11 Celebration, in case anyone wants to use them in the Chronicles of Second Life History someday.

Meanwhile, I made a quick list of personal observations about SL after being inactive for a couple of years.

1. I don't understand mesh boobs or how they work. Or mesh butts, for that matter. Or fake hands. Or fake feet. Clothing vendors say confusing things about tangos and shaders. Belleza has some kind of phat azz vendor thingy. The word "applier" is everywhere and c'mon, seriously WHAT??? SO CONFUSING! So actually, just make this item "mesh bodies in general." What's going on? Is everyone wearing mesh AVs now? Am I, like, old-school Ruth with my normal shape? **sad face**

2. I'm way too poor to be in SL on a regular basis. Times are tight in RL. Buying lindens is a luxury I really can't afford right now. Hey, that $8 could buy five boxes of Lean Pockets OR 1/4 of a tank of gas. Sadly, that's how I think these days.

3. It looks like I've been booted out of most of the blogger groups I once belonged to. WHAT?! You mean you don't want a member who hasn't updated her blog in almost two years? I'M SHOCKED! (My deepest thanks to A.S.S. and The Plastik for keeping me on their love lists though!)

4. Even sadder, many of my friends are gone from my friends list. (Prad? PRAD?!!) Maybe they left, too. Or maybe one day they looked at my name and thought, "Who the hell IS this anyway?" Or maybe they've gotten all New Agey and decided to simplify, simplify, simplify. Sigh.

5. The death of Google Reader played a huge role in the death of my Second Life participation. Even after I stopped logging in regularly, I still used to cruise through my Reader frequently and check out all your blogs. Now that Google Reader is gone, I can't seem to find an RSS feed I like. Damn you, Google. Why'd you have to take a good thing and slaughter it?

6. Despite it all, I can't deny that there's been a huge grin on my face the whole time I've been in world these past few days. It's good to be back. Hell, it feels like home.

I think I'll stop now. Somebody fill me in on what's going on these days. You may see me in world from time to time now and again. It provides a little relief from some personal stuff I'm dealing with. Who knows, I might even start blogging again. [Insert the deafening sound of two, maybe three people clapping here.] I had forgotten how cathartic it can be! :D