Me and Audrey Hepburn, we got those mean, mean reds

I have no idea what the hell is going on in SL these days. Am I supposed to have a mesh face?

*shrugs*

Meanwhile, this shirt is cool as long as you don't move your arms around much and you're not picky about the way straps fit.

Yeah, I spent 100L on it. I'm a sucker for whimsy. Maybe you are too. If so, get it at The Okinawa Summer Festival through Aug. 24. But if you get it, walk with your arms really, really straight. And walk fast so no one can see your strap-gaps. (Strap-gaps. That should be a real thing. Let's all get on that phrase and make it viral.)

There you go. That's my contribution to the SL fashion scene. You're welcome, beautiful people.

Oh wait ....

These nails are courtesy of A.S.S. They're called "LOOKIT MY GAWD-DAMN RAINBOW FINGERNAILS, BEEEEEEEETCHES!"

OK, no they're not, but they should be. Consult with me before you name your stuff, designers. I'll make it that much more fun for the WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

(Rainbow Gradient Nails for SLink, 98L, eight variations, also available for Belleza, at the A.S.S. Nail Appliers store)

"But wait, what about that tattoo?" you ask.

My yard looks like Trailer Park Disneyland, as usual. Pretend I have arms and I'm doing something interesting.

That Ouija Tattoo is (was) a prize in last month's Body Art Hunt, from Aberrant. (Thank you!) The hunt ended yesterday, but I checked and the prize is still here, right here, look, look at this here:

That purple bottle of ink. QUICK, go grab it. That tattoo is cool! The prize includes a version for just about every kind of body that exists now, even natural ones like mine.

Moving on ...

Sorry, I'm in a weird mood. I'm in between full-time jobs again in real life. Sheezus, this is so not how I pictured my adult life back when I was a swoony, daydreamy kid. I'm pretty sure that fantasy included basking in the warm glow of a funny, adorable husband, wearing an apron and baking pies in a modest-yet-tastefully decorated home, surrounded by kittens and puppies and 2.5 kids. Not this solitary, frenzied scramble for survival.

The good thing about being forced into self-employment is that it's not a devastating thing anymore. The first time I got laid off from a job, it knocked me on my ass emotionally and I freaked all over the place like the sky was falling. Now it's such a common thing that I don't even flinch when it happens. I just do a semi-graceful swan dive back into the shadowy, uncertain realm of freelance writing, write enough stuff to pay a month's worth of bills, then start writing enough stuff to pay the next month's bills. It's fine, but I worry about what's going to happen when I'm an old person. Like, will I be huddled in a large box under an overpass somewhere, maybe with a scraggly stray cat on a string keeping me company, still trying to shovel off my mediocre writing skills on obscure publications while I eat canned meat and let old homeless guys grab my boobs for an extra 25 cents? Will I be in a filthy, state-run nursing home filled with other equally destitute little old ladies, huddled in a corner and mumbling to myself? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

Anyway, whatever. But yeah, the amount of time I spend in world is directly proportionate to the sheeeeeety state of my real life. So if you see me around the grid, you can pretty much bet that I've royally effed up something as a real and apparently not-so-functioning adult.

(I like hyphens.)

That was a long way of saying I've been logging in and wandering around a lot lately. And because I am an SL child of the year 2008 and can remember when they were a genuinely cool thing, I still like SL hunts. So I went over to this Hunt & Hunters Resource Centre because the SL Destination Guide told me to.

I have no clue who that guy is. I was like, "Dude, either hurry up and rez or get the hell out of my picture." Neither of those things happened.

I don't know. A lot of the hunts look strange and not for me. Don't get me wrong – I'm not bagging on the quality of the prizes. My thanks will always go out to the generous creators who give away stuff for free. But for instance, there's a hunt called "Hunt for Your Inner Slut" in which we find ourselves searching for a golden penis. And as much as I would love to post a pic of said golden penis, I have to keep in mind the fact that ENTIRE FAMILIES gather around the campfire at night to read this blog and, as such, I cannot show you a penis made of pixelated gold. Sorry.

Plus, gross.

I guess I don't have an inner slut right now. Check back with me when I'm 60 though.

Speaking of people I'd like to sleep with, let's end with this photo of Liam Neeson:

(Photo: Action Press/REX Shutterstock)

I'd hit that.