Monday, May 31, 2010

Narcotic puppet


(Hey, I can teleport again!)

It's about time for me to change my Big Damn Cement House to something else. As much of an eyesore as this house is, I really love it because it has all kinds of cool controls for the lights, fireplaces, blinds, a secret hideaway, etc. etc.

But I have a huge folder full of "Houses 2010" just begging to be set free. I buy houses impulsively, much like I buy eyes. (Hi, my name is Emerald and I am a Second Life eye addict -- where the hell is my support group?)

Plus, I found a new-to-me furniture store that I love. I want to write about it. But first I have to change houses. So the furniture store blog post gets added to the list of "blog posts I really want to write but probably never will because I'm such a lazy procrastinator."

The thought of changing houses makes me exhausted.


Maybe that picture should be bigger.

And that jacked-up hairline is why I usually run screaming away from updos.

I've been wanting to write a "Narcotic Puppet" post for a while, and my original intention was to dress all beat-down and gloomy for it. But I opted for colors instead. We'll get to why in a minute.

I guess I've been living in a cave or something because I didn't realize Eshi Otawara has a store at Black Liquid. I heard a rumor a while back that she had left SL. Apparently not. Yesterday I saw a gorgeous picture of one of her (new-to-me) creations on the gorgeous, gorgeous Kyrie Source blog, and I ran over there as fast as I could.

Those eyes, BTW, are from MiaSnow's Genuine line of eyes. I have mixed feelings about the "realistic" whites. If I wanted to see bloodshot eyes, I could just look in the mirror. But I love the color, and these eyes - along with examples from her other lines - are in a free sample eye pack gift in her store. Go get it!

The hair: I'm a Truth hair loyalist, first because his hair is full of win and second, because he is extraordinarily kind to me. But occasionally I want hair that screams, "I'M FRIGGIN' EXOTIC AND AS SUCH, GAWD-DAMN FASCINATING," and when that happens, I run to a few other favorites. This W&Y hair is called "W&Y Hair New 142," which in itself is awesome. ("To hell with a name; let's just give it a number!") It's scripted so you can change the size, hair color and jewel type. I think it was 200L for a pack of four shades.

And I finally broke down and bought League's newish Taylor skin. I only tried two demos before I was sprinting back to get the fatpack. I like the sultry look of it, but I'll admit that if I look at it for too long, it looks a little too photorealistic to me. It clashes with my cartoon clothes. I'll save it for my "keepin' it real" days.


This Eshi outfit is called Blossoms Green and I believe it costs 500L. It comes with a hat and a cool painted skin that I'm not wearing in these pictures.

Oh hell, wait a minute . . .


There you go. Don't ever say that I don't love you.

AnyHOO, I love the way it screams, "BAD ASS!" (I guess I'm into 'inanimate screaming things' right now) yet it's an explosion of color. Almost like it's saying, "I will fill your world with a spectrum of lovely, but if you tick me off, I will whip you with my . . . um, cords hanging off my cuffs (?) and cram these cherry blossoms down your throat until you choke."

I'm sure that's exactly what Eshi had in mind when she designed it. I should start a series: "What the designer was thinking vs. Emerald's twisted interpretation."


(I love this doll box from LuNi Designs. I always use it when I want to convey confusion or defeat. Wow, what a peppy compliment that was, LuNi!)

As for "narcotic puppet," I feel like one these days. I'm finally kicking some sweet PR tail at my job. I finally put down a deposit on a cute two-story apartment downtown. I'm finally getting out in the world and interacting with people again. But I had to travel down a winding medicated path to get here. I take pills in the morning to boost my dopamine and energy levels. I take pills in the afternoon to calm the hell down when I feel like I'm going to freak the hell out. When I have to be all vice-presidential, I take pills for presentation "stage fright." I take pills at night to fall asleep. My GOD, they control my EVERY MOVE!!!

When I look at the landscape of prescription bottles by my bed, I feel sort of sad and pathetic.

Plus, I'm always worrying about a post-apocalyptic ZOMBIE WAR!

If the world goes to hell, it's actually going to be the prescription wind-up dolls who go down first. Pharmacies will be looted. We'll run out of meds and either die from hideous withdrawal or get chomped by a zombie while we're having a cold-turkey-induced seizure. It'll be survival of the fittest . . . and we definitely won't be the fittest. We'll be curled up and trembling and begging for pills. We'll be END-OF-THE-WORLD HOOKER JUNKIES!

. . . . . . . sorry. Sometimes my imagination gets a little carried away.

So anyway, I'm working with my doctor to wean myself off some of this stuff. Now that I've reached a functioning place, I'd like to take the cognitive route to healing the next time everything fades to black. If it doesn't work, I guess I'll jump on the narcotic highway again.

The whole point of all that blabber is that I can't really write anymore. The part of my brain that used to be witty and creative is completely numb, along with the part that used to be sad and wigged-out. And I dress my AV in brilliant colors because I can't really see them in RL anymore. Everything is a pleasant, non-threatening shade of beige.

Is sacrificing your core personality for drug-induced peace of mind worth it? Right now I'm thinking no. I want my voice back.

And as long as we're on this really upbeat note . . .


How fun was it to log in last week on my birthday to discover that my landlady had decked out my house in birthday fabulosity? (Really fun!)

Thank you, Ali! (And thank you for the awesome blog post.)

See — no matter what's pulling my strings, I'm grateful for the friends who stick around for the puppet show.

Laugh Out Loud and Ugh: /me hands you a Kleenex so you can wipe that cheesy sap off your monitor.

Eshi Otawara's Black Liquid


moniq salamander said...

Happy birthday to you! (ok, I know I'm late... but I still wish you all the best... or, better, the way you want it to be :)

Deoridhe said...

Yay, birthdays are so cool!!

Medication is always a tricky thing, though. A lot of times it's the strength of moods which make life so much fun! Goo dluck finding your medication/psych sweet spot.

nimil said...

eep happy birthday i suck X_x

lucas is working on a more feature filled version of the box btw :D i think the new one will allow you to add your own poses and stuff. that limp doll one is my fave too...

Chalice Carling said...

Happy Birthday honey :-) Late but heartfelt nonetheless.

I do wish you clarity in your decisions re: meds. I'm way too scared to contemplate stopping mine let alone a reduction. You are streets ahead of me my love. In the time I've been reading your blog-a-log, omg what changes you've made...wonderful positive changes. Give it a bit more and before you know it, you'll be seeing life in kaleidoscope.

Beige is better than black.

Oh that naughty Eshi designing a stunner like that without telling me. Oh the injustice.

Be well you gorgeous thing. I don't think you quite realize how amazing you are. xx

Emerald Wynn said...

Thank you for the birthday wishes, you guys!

The meds: I can never get over feeling sort of . . . embarrassed by them, which is why I just told the 12 people who read my blog all about it. (laugh) Like, I'm glad I'm not dating someone right now, because I feel like I might as well just say, "Hi, don't mind my pharmacy - I'm just recovering from some sort of weird midlife mental collapse."

But I do thank Welbutrin - it got me out of bed and back into the working world. Before, I was so unnecessarily sad.

Chalice, OMG you could do this outfit SO MUCH BETTER JUSTICE than my horrible pics. She has it in all different colors.

Nimil, yeah that box is so damn awesome. I'm EXCITED to hear you're making a v2 - WOOT!

Shoot I'm late for work.