A day in the life of my OH SO STELLAR graphics card

Occasionally I like to treat everyone to glimpses of Second Life through the eyes of Emerald. Like my yard, for instance:


Hey, look at my dodos and my Amaretto unicorns!

I don't know what's going on with my graphics card. When I ordered this MacBook Pro, I customized it to be optimized for gaming. It was awesome for a while and then I must have broken it. Now I see that the newer versions have even better graphics cards. Damn you, Apple.

Unfortunately it's even worse at my grandmother's house. She has no Internet because she "never got the hang of it," despite our best efforts to teach her. So for the past two weeks, I've been tethering my iPhone to my computer and using it as a personal Hotspot. ("OOOOH BABY, LET ME SHOW YOU MY HOTSPOT!") I exceeded my data allowance a few days ago. Can't wait to get that bill.

It sucks though. It gets me online, but forget about high speeds or decent graphics or anything that lets me have a normal Second Life. And oh how I've needed a normal Second Life this month. Any normalcy anywhere would be nice. Instead I kind of just grope around at shapes and put blobs down on the ground and hope that it's the right food for the right blobby animals and wander around and attempt to check things out and fail.


This newish Truth hair is called Fiona. See why he begs me to blog his hair every week?


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SECOND LIFE! The installations this year are truly awesome!

Speaking of awesome SLB8 installations, if you've never owned breedable KittyCatS and want to try one out, you can click the hat and get a free limited edition kitty, complete with food and accessories, at the SLB8 KittyCatS exhibit:


HELP WHAT IS THAT THING?!


GET IT AWAY FROM ME!

Yeah, so SLB8 isn't working out so well for me right now. Hopefully I'll get out of Iowa someday soon and will still have time to check it out when I get home. In the meantime, you can see what the free cat really looks like HERE on the KittyCatS Website. The festivities run through July 2. For a list of other great SLB8 freebies, check out the Lucky Kitty Crew blog HERE and HERE.

Let's stop looking at pathetic pictures. I did manage to take one that almost looks decent:


Ooooooh! I was shocked when two rather ordinary cats gave birth to this snowshoe lilac with rainbow prism eyes. So shocked, in fact, that I immediately put it up for sale in Emerald's Magical Cat Shack.

Yeah, sadly I'm about to slaughter, sell or box up all my animals. I would like to try to wean myself off SL a little, and I can't do that when I'm constantly worrying about feeding fake animals. The KittyCatS in particular will be painful, but DAMN, I can't afford the Perma-Pet vitamins to turn my favorite ones into low-maintenance pets. As much as I love these cats and their creators, I'm unhappy about the insane amount of lindens (1500L - 1800L) it costs to turn these cats into non-breedables. With the horses, the dodos and the Wildwoods, I simply have to click a button on the menus and my lindens get to breathe a sigh of relief. The fact that I have nurtured and loved some of these damn KittyCatS for more than 120 days — when their breeding cycles have officially ended — and STILL have to pay 1500L to turn each one of them into "pets" makes me want to THROW A BIG DAMN TANTRUM JUST LIKE THIS ONE RIGHT HERE. /END RANT.

Sorry. I'm grumpy. My Aunt Who is Apparently Always on Speed or at Least Adderall has decided that "all the girls in the family" need to go get pedicures together today to take our minds off the death of my grandmother yesterday. This sounds like agony to me. I would rather get a root canal with no novocaine right now. At least then I'd have a legitimate reason to scream. It's almost like everyone in this family is afraid to be alone and quiet for five minutes. Me, I need time to myself to finally let go and breathe. But it's not going to happen. We don't "mope around" in this family. I told my mom I was boycotting the pedicure thing and she started bawling and slinging guilt trips at me and telling me that I'm selfish. I feel like I'm going insane. I'm tired of not being selfish. If I didn't want to make a bad situation worse, I'd put on a huge tiara, proudly proclaim myself Queen of All the Selfish Assholes in the World and go back to bed for the day.

I guess I'm off to soak my feet in a big bath of denial and get my toes painted something cheery. :(

Get your free SLB8 limited-edition KittyCat here: SLB8 KITTYCATS EXHIBIT . . . or buy a sparkly one at EMERALD'S MAGICAL CAT SHACK

And then there was silence

I want to thank everyone who has been so kind and supportive during these Most Dismal and Wretched Two Weeks of My Entire Life. After 14 days in a coma, my grandmother finally passed away at 3:36 a.m. today. (I know the exact time because apparently I've been watching way too much TV and I thought a medical examiner was going to ask me or something.)

I'm going to use the word "peacefully" because the nurses told us to expect all kinds of possibly horrific things at the end, and none of that stuff happened. There were a few scary things that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life, but all in all, I'm glad I was there. My mother and I were sitting on each side of her, holding her hands. She looked really peaceful once it was all over, although I'll admit that I didn't look at her much afterward. It was the middle of the night and I was sort of freaked out and I half expected her to open her eyes and sit up and yell, "BOO!"

The inner child does not like dead people, no matter who they are.

The funeral is this weekend. I don't know how I'm going to make it until then. I just want to GET THE HELL OUT OF IOWA. I've had enough. I wrote her obituary today. Then I cried for about an hour. Then I slept for a couple of hours. Then I cried for another hour. Then I stood in the shower and cried some more. Just call me officially traumatized at this point. And wiped out. I miss her. I don't even think the word "miss" is adequate, actually. Somebody needs to invent a new word.

My grandmother was a beautiful woman with a caring spirit. She taught me everything I know about grace and generosity and what it means to be a genuinely lovely person. She had an amazing sense of humor, and when she talked to people, she made them smile — but more importantly, she made each person feel like he or she was the most important person in the world. She was my biggest cheerleader, and even in my lowest moments, she always acted like I was nothing short of amazing. She was a strong woman who taught me how to get back on my feet when life knocked me down, and she never let me forget what a gift every second of this life is, even when it sucks. As heartbreaking as this time has been, I feel honored that I got to share her last moments with her.

I hope she knew somehow that she was not alone at the end. I hope I get to see her again someday.

June 28, 2011

girl power

This blog has been dead for a while. I'm in a hospice home with my grandmother, who suffered a brain aneurysm last week. She's in a coma now. She's not coming out of it. We have unplugged all the machines, but her body is still plugging away on autopilot. There is no brain activity. And I guess I can only write in these stilted sentences.

My mother and I have been sitting with my grandmother day and night here. None of my other relatives can do it. They come in, stay for a while, say "I can't do this" and leave soon after. I don't hold it against them at all. But my mother just can't leave my grandmother lying alone in this room in this house full of dying people. And I can't bear to think of my mother sitting here alone all night, every night, so I'm here too. Grandmother, mother, daughter together at the end of this journey — it's kind of poetic. It's almost like we have transformed this depressing disinfected room into a sacred space. So there's that. Girl power. yay.

I never thought I'd pray for someone to die before, but I just want my grandmother to be at peace. We were so close. This depleted shell of a person lying here is not my grandmother. I'd like to think my grandmother's spirit is already somewhere nice. I hope her spirit is not tied to her body right now, waiting with the rest of us for this hell to come to an end. She was a beautiful, shining, caring person. She deserves a limo ride to that great white light or wherever the hell we go when we die. The hospice chaplain comes to talk to me and I just stare at him blankly. I'm not in the mood for happy stories about heaven at the moment. If there is a God, I'd like to punch him in the face right now.

I'm amused by the men in this family who "just can't do this." My brother admitted that he comes in this room and feels starkly terrified. My grandmother has had several strokes since she's been unconscious, so her face is completely slack and unrecognizable. Her mouth is open. She doesn't breathe — she gurgles. And hell yeah, it's scary as sh*t. Her eyes opened by reflex yesterday and I screamed like someone in a horror movie. And when the lights are off, forget about it. But we are women and we are caretakers and we are strong and blah blah blah. We bring life into this world and maybe that amazing gift also gives us the fortitude to hold a hand as a life fades away. I feel blessed and slightly cursed at the same time.

In SL, all my animals are dying. I get emails from my cats, wailing that they're 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 percent hungry and it suddenly seems ridiculous to me. There's free wireless Internet here in the hospice home, but most of the time I don't feel like staring at a computer screen for very long.

So that's my story. Oh and I got laid off last week. So there's that too.

I'm having one hell of a month. It's kicking my ass all over the place. I hope yours is better. If you are the praying type, my grandmother's name is Gretchen. Please ask God to come take her home.

Love and hugs,
Em

Bottle full of bub

Any time Keira Seerose plans something, I get kind of giddy because it usually means there's going to be a room full of shopping nirvana.

This time it's Ch1c Management's first birthday, and that means three things: a) I'm really damn proud of myself for remembering to put that '1' there instead of the 'i' in "Chic," b) it's time for another room full of shopping nirvana, and 3) you may or may not be stuck on 50 Cent's "In Da Club" for the rest of the day now.

Go shawty, it's your birthday!

(OK, I'm sooooo white, that was kind of awkward. Sorry.)

It also means that you may or may not be sick of seeing blog posts about this glee-inducing event and if so, I'M SORRY!

You have to understand that all I've been talking about in SL for the past week is how many times I pet my Meeroos a day and how many regard points I have and whether or not I have a Red one (no) or an Autumn one (yes) or a Sienna one (want) and if I'm being a good fellowship member and why oh why didn't I click that stupid broken pipe before that bastard vanished and why the hell is there so much stale shortbread and other random shite buried in my yard anyway and maybe if I buy just one more family pack there'll be a Koi in it and hey where do you sell your Meeroos because I sell mine here and here and here and who do I have to sleep with to get a stall at Red Barn Meeroos because that seems to be the most happening place these days and how much do you think I can get for this Lazy Ursine and why couldn't they have spiced things up a little and named the personality "Lazy-ASS" Ursine and hey isn't that little sound they make kind of annoying after you listen to it for a few hours yes it is you know it is admit it . . . . WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

So it feels good to talk about clothes for a change. Or anything else, for that matter. Because in real life . . . well, wait, let's get back on point for a minute:


Me and my shaaaaaadows! (Sorry. I'm just excited that I finally got shadows to work on my Mac. Now you're going to have to deal with a bunch of bad shadow pictures for a while.)

This Ballina Beach Set is W. Winx's contribution to the Ch1c Birthday event. The total setup — and you can pick and choose what you want on that deck and where you want it — is 75 prims and has plenty of texture change options everywhere, including on the privacy wall in the back. I love that everything is Copy and that the folder includes a pre-assembled version as well as all the separate pieces. Nice!

Anyway, in real life I got a little cosmetic tune-up last week. I have this kind of bony face that made me look like a starved bird, so I got a few vials of fat ("dermal fillers") injected into it. I also bought some lips. And for the first time, Botox. Wow, Botox at age *cough* 39! (Yes, I'm 39 again this year. You got that? Good.) I'm not sure if I'll do the Botox thing again - creepy - but I'm totally loving my "hell no, I'm not 40!" face now. My forehead looks worry-free, the dark exhausted-looking grooves under my eyes are gone, my cheeks are filled out and my formerly thin lips look lipgloss worthy now. And it doesn't look drastic. It looks like I've been on vacation for two weeks and maybe kissing people a little too much. Next up: Boobs. Oh yeah, baby! The RL Emerald is bringing sexy back this year . . . or at least my credit card is.

So, speaking of a beautiful face (see, there was a point to that paragraph!):


Mynerva's new Bianca in Latte, with Clarus eyes in Daisy from Aphotic Gloom. Hair: Jaqueline 2 in Burgundy by Truth.

I started to write a poetic paragraph about how much I love this skin, particularly in the darker tones, but I think I'll just let the picture speak for itself.

OK — I want to talk about this flirty fun Animal Print Jumpsuit by Indie Rose for a minute and then I have to go check my effing Meeroos. I didn't even want to get into the whole Meeroos thing, but my competitive spirit wants to assemble a Meeroos gene-machine dream team that'll produce exciting offspring. And everyone will go, "OOOOOH! AHHHHH! OHHHHH!" and then I'll feel fulfilled.

Anyway, I don't know what I love more, this kicky little jumpsuit (shown with lassitude & ennui's Skully pumps in purple; the top pic features the black ones) or the HUD that comes with Indie Rose's fatpacks:


(Sorry I'm underwater here. I'm trying to get my inventory to load.)

I've never seen this type of HUD before, but maybe it's because I'm usually too broke to buy fatpacks. But HOW COOL — you just click the dress on the HUD that you want to wear and it drops that folder in your inventory. You can delete the dress when you're done wearing it because you can always get a new one from the HUD. Now can someone please make one for my 160K inventory?

Let's go sip Bacardi like it's your birthday.

CHECK IT OUT
CH1C Birthday Event — features more than 90 awesome designers and runs until 4 p.m. SLT June 19. (And BLESS THEM for specifying the hour when it ends. It eliminates confusion.) You can get everything in this post except the hair there.

Poses in this blog are from Exposeur and Still Life.

I pride myself on listing prices of almost everything I feature in this blog, but in this case these items were all blogger review copies so I have no clue. (But if you want to know a price, I will personally go find out for you.) The fact that someone deemed me worthy of covering this event made me get kind of teary, actually.