Rich Bitches Cook Goats

That pic is for all the foot fetishists out there.

So, I got invited to a blogger preview party for the reopening of the store rbcg. Well, actually that's kind of a stretch. The subscribo sent a notecard encouraging bloggers to request an invite. And since I've always loved that store, I sent a note saying, "Please please please please please please please?"

I'm always scared to attend blogger parties or request to be on review lists and the like. Even after two years of fooling around on this blog, I'm still pretty much a nobody in the SL blog community. I can't count the number of times I've heard (or read), "Who the hell is Emerald Wynn?"

But I AM a real blogger! I AM! I AM!

Enough about me. Let's talk about rbcg.



Creator Kyrsten Jigsaw is a master of quirk. Her store is full of stuff that'll make you laugh and a small selection of beautifully drawn clothes. If you perv her profile like I did, you'll see that her SL pic is cool and her RL pic should be in one of the Lindens' "Look, we really DO have attractive people behind our avatars!" ads.

Whenever I shop at rbcg., so many questions come to mind. Like, what does "rbcg."stand for? And what's up with all the mustaches?



(blabbit gatcha, 20L a pop. Cynthia skin in Rose by Mynerva. Eyes by A:S:S, to be featured in my next blog post, use your time machine)

I asked Kyrsten about the name of her store. (I didn't ask about the mustaches because that would have been sort of stupid and awkward.) She told me that "rbcg." is just a bunch of random letters. (With a period after them, before you start thinking that my punctuation skills have completely gone to hell.)

Kyrsten, NO! You've gotta get a better answer than that! The possibilities are so damn endless!

Real Boys Can't Golf
Rotten Bananas Catch Germs
Rabbits Beckon Clingy Girls
Rockstars Bang Crusty Geese
Raunchy Bloggers Cause Goosebumps
Really Bad Custard GAH!

I could do this all night.

Let's get to the goods. I like the fact that nothing's capitalized. It gives it all an e.e. cummings vibe.

(All items by rbcg. unless otherwise noted. Some were blogger party gifts. Some were purchased.)



(toilet paper outfit, 120L. Also: pose from Case of the Sillies pose set, 10L, and The Corner of 1st & 5th Photobox, limited edition for two weeks, 100L, both at TUFT; Annie in Almond hair by Truth; Plain Jane skin in Dot-to-Dot by Mynerva)

How do I love thee, toilet paper outfit? Let me count the ways.

1. You can throw that roll of toilet paper at people.
2. "Excuse me, you've got some toilet paper stuck to your shoe . . . and nipples."

I actually got TP'ed to flip a lucky chair while I was in this sassy little double-ply getup — [dramatic pause] — and that's when I realized TOO LATE that my vajayjay was hanging out of it. Before then I'd never really looked at my private parts in SL, if you can believe that. Wow, they're pretty photorealistic, huh? :-\



(granny's floppy hat, 130L; the clown's glasses, 80L; my crop tee ["Zombies Want Your Brain!!!!"], 60L)

I snuck into my friend Aisu's giant sandcastle house and took that pic while she was offline. Um, and I took that pic up top in her swimming pool too.

(Hey Aisuru, I was running around in your house and screwing around with your stuff while you were out.)

Oops.



(Pose from Vivapose's Emotional pose set at Summer of Love Fair)

Worst picture ever of a super villain costume (cape, unibrow, mustache), 150L, worn with 'if you're a bird' dress in brown, 250L, lemme try that one again:



Nope, still sucks.

Nice mustache, though!



(beach shack, 69L, at Summer of Love Fair)

OMG — HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Help, my house.)

*coughs*

If you buy rbcg.'s beach shack at the Summer of Love Fair, be forewarned that it's pretty substantial. I mean, don't make the mistake of thinking it's a small cabana-like thing for your backyard. Only an idiot would do that.

(Oh sh*t, I smushed the kraken!)

And gentlemen, before you start feeling all weepy and left out, I didn't forget about you:



(jock strap, 49L, at Summer of Love Fair)

"Stuffed version for the ladies — or men with tiny junk."

LMAO! Yes, my whole ass.

You can visit the rbcg. flagship store on Thibedeau or pop in the satellite store when you check out Pennelope Thiessam's new Rumor sim.



(owwl avatar, 345L, and yes it's spelled with two W's)

I'm on a horse.

VISIT IN WORLD!
rbcg. flagship store
rbcg. on Rumor . . . well, I tried to make a landmark at the store, but SL just kept saying "Loading, loading loading" like a jackass, so that link is for the Rumor landing point.
Summer of Love Fair
TUFT
Truth
Mynerva
Aisuru's House, easy to break into! (HA HA HA! Made you look!)

(Try to figure out when the ultra-delicious and oh-so-affordable Big House Red wine kicked in!)

Fruits and other tasty things

So, here's what my hair's doing today:



Nice.

And yes, I've rendered my VOL LOD Factor, or whatever it is, so let's just chalk it up to Second Life being a little bitch again. It looked great yesterday. See:



The primary purpose of that photo is not to show you this cute Melany dress from Convoitise or my new favorite hair -- Aradhana in Gem by Truth -- or even the dreamlike quality of the art installation-slash-shopping experience that is It was a blur. No. I really took that photo so I could show off my SPECTACULARLY DOUBLE-JOINTED ANKLES! WooT! (Shoes by O! Bleak.)

Let's pause for a moment and look at this picture of Adam Lambert:



Bwahahahahahaha! OMG that picture is huge. Oops.

I've developed a weird crush on him lately. I have no idea where it came from and my friends are patiently waiting for it to end. Until then, I'm perfectly comfortable with the fact that for some bizarre reason I'm hot for a guy who's usually covered in glitter, wears more makeup than I do and has a penchant for dressing in drag. Oh, and sleeping with men.

Perfectly comfortable with it.

Follow me, won't you, as I smoothly transition from Adam Lambert's thingy to Rosie's Thingies.

I'd never heard of Rosie or her Thingies before, but she dropped a Blogger Pack in my inventory and I was more than happy to check her thingies out.

Let's start with the box:



You rock, Rosie. I don't care what's in your box. The fact that you made a box that makes me want to lick it like I'm a character in a deleted scene from "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" makes you today's Queen of Awesome. In fact, I need someone to make me a crown with full perms so I can officially crown my blog subjects with the royal attention they deserve.

Anyway, I'm keeping this box as home decor.

"Hey, look at my artistic fruit pillar!"

So, it turns out that Rosie's Thingies are eyes and if you've been reading this blog regularly, you probably know that the minute I opened a box of eyes, I had an eyegasm. SL eyes are my drug. I cannot resist them. I probably have about 9,000 pairs. I tried to tone down my eye hoarding this year by making a "2010 - ONLY the Eyes You Cannot Live Without - Seriously" folder, but it already has about 800 pairs in it.



(Eyes in Kiwi, 30L at Rosie's Thingies)

Maybe I'll start working on building a rep as The Eye Blogger of SL. I know many of you out there have been tearing out your hair and wailing, "Forget fashion - we need an EYE blogger!" and maybe my purpose in SLife is to save the day and become just that. I wouldn't even have to change the name of this blog.

And then I could get away with running pictures like this one:



"Hey, I like your eyes!"

OK, so let's get back to poor Rosie, who has now been buried under a heap of my double-jointed ankles, Adam Lambert and my blog fantasies. Creator Rosemarie Indigo has launched a line of fruit inspired eyes and I'm loving them for several reasons: 1) They're strikingly vibrant but more subtle than other fruit-inspired eyes I've seen, meaning you kind of have to get close enough to, um, taste my fruits to notice that they're fruits, 2) they're an affordable 30L a pair, and 3) their box is awesome.

If you want to try them, she's offering this pair of Framboise eyes for only $1L:



That skin, monocle-that-I-need-to-mod and earrings are by Sanu and are available at the It was a blur exhibit. They kind of all blend together and that's the point, actually. And my eyelashes are jacked up, as usual.

Speaking of, let's wrap up this post with a gratuitous shot from It was a blur and then I have to get to work:



When I took that pic, everyone behind me clapped.

VISIT IN WORLD:

Rosie's Thingies

It was a blur

Happy happy joy joy Sunday!

To hell with captivating prose.















I knew I should have gone to that World Cup Party instead.

B is for . . .

Wait! I have to put this code here for a few days: 9G6U48FN4V76

OK, thanks for your patience. Let's begin:

You only have a few hours left to visit the Alphabet Soup Bazaar!

The Alphabet Soup Bazaar is an extremely meaningful event, in which a group of dedicated creators have joined forces in order to raise awareness of the alphabet. And soup.

THIS EVENT IS NOT TO RAISE MONEY FOR CHARITY. IT IS TO RAISE AWARENESS. ALL PROFITS GO TO THE DESIGNERS.

One of my favorite creators in Second Life is Jemima Clowes. For a while I had this problem with craving pancakes and Aunt Jemima maple syrup every time I saw her name but I think I've gotten over it.

If you've never been over to her Tuft Mainstore, you should hustle over there. It's brimming with FUN pose props and other stuff at ridiculously low prices that'll barely put a dent in your linden balance.

She's selling this alphabet prop at the Bazaar for a mere 10L.



I got SO DAMN EXCITED when I read the notecard about it. It said this prop had six poses for 33 avatars.

33 AVATARS, Y'ALL!!!!

I immediately started fantasizing about rounding up 33 people and taking the MOST AWESOME ALPHABET ORGY PHOTO EVER!!

I sent Jemima an IM in the hopes that she could help. But alas, she had accidentally titillated me with a TYPE-O!

She meant to write "6 poses for 3 avatars."

The laughter was worth it though. And she kindly gave me permission to write about my alphabet orgy fantasy here.

I want to show you some favorite things — all in one picture — before I wrap up the blogging for the week.



Keanu is sad.

So I smashed him between my boobs.

He's probably still sad, if not even more sad now.

My friends had to explain the whole Sad Keanu thing to me. If you're as clueless as I was, please visit this Know Your Meme page that explains the Sad Keanu meme and this page (one of several out there) for some Sad Keanu awesomeness. I read that a DMCA has been filed to get all of these things removed from the Web, so you might wanna hurry!

But anyway, back to the world we (sometimes) live in, leave it to terri.tees to immortalize Sad Keanu on a T-shirt. He can be yours for a mere 35L.

And I know we're, like, two new-release weeks later or something, but I'm still way back there loving the Carli hair (shown in Almond) by Truth. I think it's my second favorite style of his. My first favorite is a really cool style named after a really cool chick named Emerald.

That sexy little vampire on my shoulder is from one of My 10 Favorite Second Life Stores: LittleGirl. I would write more, except I'm working on a post called "My 10 Favorite Second Life Stores." It'll all be there. So check back soon! But the gist of LittleGirl is a fun store with cool little Japanese dolls that fly around you or sit on various body parts. I like stuff like that. You might not, though.

Speaking of Truth and Japanese fabulosity, I'm still going through my Japanese Super Dollfie phase — and maybe it's not a phase; maybe it's a long-term love affair! So I want to ask Truth to make a trippy style like this:



Choco-Purple!!

Except I'm pretty sure he'd say, "Emerald, take that anime sh*t somewhere else. Like Japan."

But nicely, of course.

OK, my work is done here!

*blows a kiss and runs to go jump in the RL pool*

VISIT IN-WORLD!

Alphabet Soup Bazaar
Tuft Mainstore
terri.tees
Truth

C is for Change

(I SWEAR, this is going to be my last unbearably long post. Seriously. SERIOUSLY!!! I tried to make it painless for you by inserting lots of pictures. *laugh* And you might want to NOT read it now and come back later because trust me, I will edit it about 50 times during the next 24 hours. And then maybe it'll be shorter.)

OK.

Bear with me because everything's different!

I'm using Flickr today instead of Photobucket. I DO have another Flickr account — see the slideshow somewhere on this page, the retro one — but for the life of me, I can't remember the password or the e-mail address for it. So those pictures are frozen in eternity. That's OK though. I like looking at my sweet little nooby pics. That was back when everything was "FRESH and EXCITING and DRAMA-FREE."

(I feel like that should be a cereal label.)

So I made a new Flickr account, but I'm rusty at the whole blogging-with-Flickr thing. So have patience.

I finally got rid of the blog header I made in 2008. *sniffs while the crowd cheers* Let's look at it one last time though!



Awwwww.

When I first started Emerald's Eyes, my intention was to be this sort of geeky AV who didn't really have a Second Life presence aside from wandering around observing things and commenting on them. I think I planned to change glasses in every post. That was going to be my big distinguishing blog gimmick: What pair of glasses is Emerald wearing in this post?

Suspenseful.

Flash forward to now, more than two years later. I don't know if I should be grateful or disturbed that I'm still writing this thing. I guess a little of both.

As a final farewell gesture to that header, I decided to a) dig that look out of my inventory and put it on my current shape, and b) get out there and see if all that stuff is still available.

So there it all is today, up there in the lead pic (except with Belleza's Alyson skin, 9 in Sunkissed). WOW — I forgot about the whole "effect of Windlight on old-school prims" thing. Yet another reason for me to throw out all the sentimental stuff from 2008. I don't have the energy to re-tint all those prims. Even the classics from beloved designers. *thinks about Last Call and weeps*

In that original header, I was wearing a skin that I loved passionately — a Tres Very skin in Peachy, Tan. Back in 2008, the Tres Very skin line was fabulous, and I firmly believe creator Verotica Lewis was ahead of her time. Sadly, Tres Very is gone now (or if it's around, I can't find it) and I don't think Verotica is making skins anymore. I sent her a query. If I hear back, I'll let you know.

For old time's sake, here's what that skin looks like on my shape now. (My God, this post is so exciting, I can barely stand it!)



Woo! It looks so strange now in this era of high-definition skins, but the face is still really pretty. Her lips, for example, were awesome. *sniffs and throws it away*

*and continues to laugh at the mismatched prims*

OK, so the rest of it?

Hair: Sophie, Blonds pack by Maitreya (295L)



BINGO! It's still there, albeit upstairs with the older styles. The hair tie is color-change.

I guess we should talk about Emerald's eyes.



BWAHAHAHAHA! Honey chile, I NEVER left my skybox without the EYE BLING! What's the point of even EXISTING in Second Life without sparkly eyes?! At least that was my attitude back then. Ha ha ha! They were BLANGIN' too! I'm not sure where I got those eye prims. They're called Sparkle Eyes and I think they're full-perm if you want some.

Those eyes are Expressive Eyes, Green 3 by Nany Merlin, and they were my favorites. I went to Nany's Unique Megastore to see if they're still around. Sorry Nany, but it was full of fugly street-walker-type chicks who were stressing me out a little. Plus it was taking forever for everything in there to rez. So I didn't look too hard. I did find "Normal Eyes" and "Sensitive Eyes" though. I stared at them for a long time to try to figure out what exactly makes eyes "sensitive" instead of "normal." I couldn't figure it out. I could've IM'ed Nany and asked her, but I'd already reached my quota of IMs to creators I don't know (which would be 1).

Glasses: *dolce* by NALA. CHECK! They're still there, 200L. I rock.

And I have no clue where I got that smug, smart-aleck look on my face in that header. I don't think I even knew what an AO was back then, so maybe it was just a magical moment in the midst of the spread-legged noob stance.

Hey, let's go to Japan!!

Back in the day, I loved loved loved Kumamoto, Japan. It was a magical place with walls of beautiful things, all for 0L. That's where I got the wood jewelry I'm wearing in that header. Today, Kumamoto looks nothing like it did in 2008, but there are still stores scattered everywhere with plenty of inexpensive things.



I bought that pink P_Chan AV down there. Hell, it was only 10L. And hell no, I have no clue what P_Chan is. But damn, that place has a lot of monkeys. Even monkey pants!!!

I also found this FUKIDASHI! For only 10L! Not to be confused with the most awesome, um, "personal massage tool" ever — the Fukuoku 9000 (link NSFW!!!) — fukidashi, I'm pretty sure, means something like "thought bubble." You can change your thoughts when you're wearing it.



I'm thinking of beer.

Aren't we all?

OMG! Look what I found!!!



There it is! In all its glory! The "KJ Wood Necklace and Pierce"! For 0L! Exclamation point!

*checks it off the list*

(If you're into that kind of thing, the Deco Rose earrings next to them are also free. In fact, everything in that store is free.)

OK, on to the shirt.

I was wearing the exotically titled Halterneck ($350L) from the ecstasy and the agony that is Ce Cubic Effect. I swung by — Halterneck is still there and in a new vendor, so I'm thinking the prims have been updated. I thought about buying it again . . . but then I thought "no." If I remember correctly, I had to shrink my AV down to skeletal size just to fit into that shirt because even at the widest "stretch" level, it was way too small for my normal shape.

And because I love you, I'm going to dig up a really old, ridiculous photo of me dancing in it for your entertainment:



Laughter. That was my SLanorexic phase. At least the Amazon chick next to me had not yet mastered the fine art of pulling up her skirt prim. See. Some people *do* shoot rainbows out of their asses!!

OK, so I fell asleep twice writing this post - no joke - so I'm gonna end it now. Actually, I should just NOT publish it because it's THAT boring. But I wanted to chronicle this transition in my SLife. And plus, we've all learned a very valuable lesson from it. Or at least I have:

Damn, my little nooby self had pretty timeless fashion taste! (OK, at least sometimes.)



Enjoy your frog life!!

EMERALD'S EYES POSTER CHILD: Get the look!

Maitreya
Unique Megastore
NALA
Kumamoto (the necklace)
Ce Cubic Effect

and

Kumamoto (the shopping district)
Fukidashi!

A bunch of words and pictures

I asked my three-year-old niece to pick the lead picture for this post. This one - *points up* - or this one:



She picked the first one. She's smart. All that fake Linden grass in the second one is obnoxious. I should have at least surrounded myself with garden gnomes or something.

She insisted that I give her a credit here though.

Art direction courtesy of Isobel.

I'm proud to be instilling the meaningful habits of laptop vegging and pixel scrutiny in an impressionable young mind. In my defense, we were watching "Bolt." It was great watching that movie for the 25th time. In a row.

Anyway, It's been a while since I've been a real girl in SL and not decked out in a bunch of fantastical "why-are-you-always-wearing-that-weird" sh*t. And since people keep IMing me and asking me about this dress, I figured I'd share my fashion secrets with the 12 people who read this blog. I can do it without resorting to song lyrics, too. I'm awesome like that. Bow down and acknowledge me. *wink*

LAME-ASS BLOGGER WITH NO SUBSTANTIAL BLOG MATERIAL: 

GET THE LOOK!

Dress: Meanwhile in Black by *deviant girls*, meaning the dress is called "Meanwhile" in the color black — although with the right punctuation, it could be a transitionary sentence in a poetic short story about living in the bleakness that is not having a damn thing to write about.

"Meanwhile, in Black . . . ."

In my last post, I mentioned how overjoyed I was to discover the store *dg*, and this dress is yet another reason why. It's a steal for 150L. If you're not feeling the black-and-beige combo, it also comes in red, white and blue — as in three different dresses, not one giant patriotic monstrosity.

Shoes: Prelude in Dot Black (100L) by Courtisane. *wiggles my non-cosmetically enhanced toes at you*

Stuff That Might Not Be Available Now I Hate It When Bloggers Do That Sorry: Unfortunately I got the skin (Barbara, SummerTime, Breast* by YS&YS), Chains Aviator Glasses ([glow]) and the Summer Big Bag (YS&YS) from previous Dressing Room collections. I'm not sure if they're available at their respective stores now or not. If you haven't checked out The Dressing Room or The Dressing Room Blue, you really should zip over there, especially if you're on a budget. Beautiful things by talented creators, all for less than 100L.

*Please note the comma between "SummerTime" and "Breast" in the skin name. I don't want to mislead you into thinking there's also a Winter Breast, Spring Breast and Fall Breast.

Poses and Props: Glitterati's current sale (runs through 7/15) is one of the most awesome sales I've been to this year — tons of pose packs and props for $100L. Being the dedicated professional photographer that I am, I bought every set of poses on sale, as well as the garage photo box in the top picture.

All Jewelry: By Zaara. Because I'm exotic.



I'm pretty.

Wow, and busty.

But enough of this egotistical bullsh*t.

Oh yeah. . . .

Hair: Egotistical in Carrot by Posh.

Let's get all Martha Stewart up in here for a minute:

HOME DECORATING TIP OF THE DAY

Get this Ghostly Kraken by Noctis HERE on XStreet.



It's got menu-driven animated poses and costs a mere 95L. You get two versions, one that rises up out of the ground (or preferably the sea), shown above, and one that can attach to the side of something, like a boat. Or your house. Or your pet.

Creator Yelena Istmal specializes in furniture and lighting in Victorian, gothic, steampunk and vampire themes. A main store is in the works. In the meantime her complete Noctis collection can be found on XStreet.

Anyone who wakes up one morning and proclaims, "Stand back, everyone! Today I'm making a ghostly kraken!" is beyond awesome in my book.

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!

VISIT INWORLD
*dg*
Courtisane
The Dressing Room
The Dressing Room Blue
Glitterati
Zaara
Noctis on XStreet