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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Turtles, mermaids, sex and yo mama

Sorry it's been a while. I know you've all been suffering. 

In all seriousness, I do want to publicly apologize to my friend Ronnie Rhode though. She had a great charity event last weekend and I didn't get a chance to tell you to check it out. But if you missed the post I wrote last year about her heroic efforts to increase SL awareness of RL missing kids, please click and read "Hope blooms in the Garden for the Missing" and show her some linden love -- or even a message of support -- if you can. There are donation boxes at the Garden. And do check out the Garden. 

As for the gap in posts, I don't have a lot to say these days. I'm really really really (and a million more "really"s) stressed-out in real life, but hey who isn't? I guess that's no excuse. But I'm using it!

I've taken on maybe more PR consulting gigs than I can chew, on top of maybe more magazine assignments than I can chew . . . and then while I was walking my geriatric dog the other day, I found a little turtle in my driveway, stumbling around in confusion.

Because I am Queen Sappy Animal-Lover-slash-Stray-Everything Collector (where's my crown?), I picked up the turtle and took it home. (And YES, I washed my hands! I know they can be Salmonella carriers.)

And because, according to a long-ago corporate personality test, I am "A Researcher" by nature, I Googled "I found a turtle. What do I do?" and discovered that a) it's a baby red-eared slider and b) it's supposed to be in water with places to bask on land, so c) WTF was it doing in my driveway?

We have creeks around here. Maybe a bird picked it up, flew over my driveway, and dropped it. Or damn, maybe that thing can walk long distances!

I hooked up a tiny aquarium for it and bought some nasty turtle food (worms! freeze-dried shrimp! pellets! lettuce! Ew!) as well as a "basking platform," but if I really want to go all out and become a full-time turtle mom, I'm gonna have to shell out (pardon the pun) about $200 bucks for a fancy turtle habitat with a heating light, water filter, etc., etc., etc.

You may once again be asking "WTF does this have to do with Second Life?" and I guess the answer is because when most people chat with me in world these days, they get, "Hold on -- I have to put my turtle in the sun" or "Hold on -- I have to feed my turtle" or "Wait, I need to check to see if the turtle is still alive" or "MY GOD, THIS TURTLE IS STRESSING ME OUT!"

Sorry.

I went to a local park and scoped out a pond yesterday, but it was full of kids running around and people fishing and I had a horrible vision of some little kid finding my turtle and taking it home and not making sure it gets enough calcium and Vitamin D . . . or somebody snagging it on a fishing rod.

Then I went to a local creek and it was full of rednecks just . . . stomping around in it, or whatever Tennessee rednecks do in creeks.

:(  :(  :(

Emerald/Erinn waves goodbye to $200 . . . and the blonde highlights she's been fantasizing about getting, which would cost about the same.

So speaking of turtles and fishing:

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This "Toxica" mermaid outfit is prize No. 59 on the Gone Fishing Hunt. Catch it at the fishing hole at TempT. The cool hair is included. So is that TURTLE that's soaring over my head (it's called Toxic Turtle Pet). Sorry you can't see his pink radioactive shell in this photo.

(See how I just magically melded two separate turtles in two separate worlds together!!!)

That gray thing around my waist actually is a net belt with a bunch of stuff caught in it, also included in the outfit. It's rezzed . . . they just maybe shouldn't have colored it gray. 

I suck at taking photos (NO! REALLY??), particularly because I should have set my environment to midnight -- I later discovered that the mermaid getup is all COOL AND GLOWY in the dark!!!

(That, um, oyster shell up there is courtesy of a past hunt at Lemania Indigo. No further comment, except that Jon insisted that I delete it from our back deck.)

And yeah, Jon is shacking up with me. Less than 24 hours after I gave him the keys, I come home to find . . . 

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THE DUCK!

The duck thing is an inside joke between us that goes all the way back to real life, before I even knew Second Life EXISTED.

But in Second Life, back when we were noobs, that particular duck was always trying to get in on the action:

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Hey, speaking of Jon, I'd like to thank the SL Diva Elizabeth Hallstrom aka Lizzie Lexington for her fashion expertise. We gave Jon a makeover the other day.

Before:

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After:

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(Yes, we wear matching ducks. We're annoying like that. And yes, I think I've gotten Jon hooked on fishing . . . and my phonics -- ha ha ha! *bad joke, sorry*)

Jon is sporting the new . . . shoot, Jonas? Miguel? Mathieu? (I suck) . . . skin from Belleza and I think we lazy-asses also just grabbed the shape that went with it while we were there. We bought a couple of Belleza skins and shapes, actually, and I think Jon is wearing the Jonas skin (and shape?) that Belleza just dropped on its group this week. Join the group and grab it, you manly men!

(But Jon, now that I look at it, maybe I liked the Miguel shape better? LOL)

Jon wants to SMACK ME upside the head right now for dragging him around, bossing him around and basically transforming him into my GQ fantasy. 

I offered to do the same for him -- um, as long as he doesn't mess with my face. He said "occasionally a goth Emerald might be hot."

Uh . . . . . . . who wants to give Emerald a goth makeover? :\ 

Anyhoo, hats off also to my friend Gahum Riptide (haaaaay, ware's your new blog, Gahum??) for allowing me to drag him off the SL InWorld Today society pages (scroll around, you'll find him) for a minute so he could give me some men's fashion advice. I believe he has a side business as a makeover artist/image consultant, should any of you need his expert services.

And another thank you to Elizabeth/Lizzie for taking Jon clothes shopping while I was offline. (HEY, what else were you guys doing????!!! *kidding*)

As far as this post title goes, I think I've covered everything except sex and yo mama. 

I'll save that for some other time.

5 comments:

Lizzie Lexington said...

Yay for shopping. I actually took Jon to Armidi to buy jeans and proceeded to leave him there when the Big S logged in. Looking back on it I should have just stayed at Armidi with Jon, LOL.

Emerald Wynn said...

Sorry about the thing with the big S. :\

Eliza Wrigglesworth said...

Glad to see you've been having more fun in-world *grin*

If Jon would like an invite to my group so he can find more stuff, just gimme a holla!

Gahum Riptide said...

Ahhhhhhhhhh! OMG I DO NOT have a side business as a fashion consultant. But if asked I will talk your ear off on where to get men's stuff :) FOR FREE (ooh, maybe I SHOULD charge!)

My blog? Well my blog kind of um.... has gone into stasis because I am incredibly lazy and can't be bothered to write. Maybe I will MAYBE I won't. That is the beauty of me... you never know when I'll stop being a lazy slob :D.

Glad to see you got Jon all spiffied up. We need more plenty men, rather than men who think the laydeeeze should look good and the guys don't have to do a damn thing.

Stacey er..Bettye said...

Once upon a time I was sitting in my granmother's living room watching football, because the Texas A&M Aggies were on. (That's what you do in Tx.) My mother, not knowing much about football, heard that the quarterback was sacked. "What's in the sack?", says she, not batting an eyelash. Mu uncle shoots back, "A duck." Therein lies the secret of my family. We are insane.

Long story short, I love your duck.