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Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Devil Wears Rainbows

A friend and I had a heart-to-heart conversation this morning and she confirmed my concern that I may be coming across as a bit of a boozer.

OH LAWDY people, NO!

I come from a big Irish family. And yes, they are drinkers. Actually, they talk about adult beverages constantly, as in "Somebody fix me a drink," "Would you like to start your morning with a nutritious Bloody Mary?" "Who took the jigger?" "Where's the jigger?' "Has anyone seen the jigger?" "Who the hell bought Gordon's instead of Booth's?" "Hey, Piggly Wiggly is having a sale on Miller Light today! Go go go!"

As for me, I didn't inherit my family's robust body types or their alcohol tolerance levels. I'm kind of an elfin waif, or so I've been told. One strong drink will put me under the table (or, um, face down on my keyboard, typing offensive things with my lips). Two will have me curled in a fetal position with a wretched headache the next day.

So no, I'm not usually drinking mass quantities of booze, particularly when I'm on SL. But yes, I do think it's funny to joke about it. Humor is the only way I can deal with the 24/7 sloshfest in my house at this point. I've tried everything else.

However, I now see that the humor isn't translating. Or at least to some people.

(God, if anything, this past week has really killed my stand-up comedy aspirations.)

So I'm not joking about booze anymore.

For instance, if someone says to me:

"I'm concerned that you're drunk when you're in Second Life."

I WILL NOT respond with:

"And actually I'm concerned that you're NOT drunk when you're in Second Life."

Because THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

I make no apologies for my Xanax references though.

Oh DAMN! I just did it again. A JOKE! Sure I'd love some! In buckets! But I think I have about 10 to my name. And I'm saving those for emergencies.

And you know what? I'm officially done explaining myself to people. If you don't like me, either get the hell off this blog or go ahead and read it so you can snark about it with your friends on Plurk. I honestly don't care. I'm glad to be of service either way.

I REALLY JUST WANNA TALK ABOUT UNICORNS!

Like a lot of people, I'm amused by the unicorn thing that's going on over at Starlust. That is damn witty and entertaining. BRAVO to whoever thought of it. Next, can we please have Unicorns vs. Bunnehs?

(**runs like hell now from you bunny people**)

I'm pro-unicorn, by the way. Not so sure how I feel about unicorn sex though -- it violates my childhood memories! -- but I guess they have to procreate somehow.

If you hop your little bunny tail over to the lobby of the Starlust Motel, you'll find a plethora of unicorn-related gifts. (Join the Starlust group and you'll get EVEN MORE!)

One of my favorites, and hell yes I'm biased, is my friend Aisuru Rieko's Make Me a Pretty Pretty Unicorn set, available in the aforementioned lobby as well as in her Beloved Custom Designs store at Floyd.

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(Pose: La Croupe from the Inspiration poses set at Pffiou! Poses without Cramps.)

We're coming to get you, Nekos!!!

The $75L set includes two horns (one with bling, one without), ears, and a tail with a click-to-change-color gem on its pretty bow.

I really love this set because it takes me back to my youth, when my biggest worry was coercing my mom to drive me to the mall so I could get the latest Lisa Frank stickers. When I was a kid, if you didn't have AT LEAST four pages of Lisa Frank stickers in your sticker album, you might as well have been wearing a big scarlet L for Loser on your ripped Flashdance-style neon sweatshirt.

Speaking of Lisa Frank, when I moved to Tucson four years ago, I was all squealy and delighted to discover that Lisa Frank's headquarters were located there. My friend and I drove over to check it out. 

Her corporate office is -- surprise -- housed in a huge rainbow-colored building. We pressed our faces against the bars of her security fence like kids trying to catch a glimpse of Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory. We gaped at the giant unicorn statue in her courtyard. We squinted at another huge sparkly sculpture in her lobby.

Then a security guard escorted us off the property.

Later when I was filling some open positions on my Tucson staff, I interviewed quite a few Lisa Frank refugees. And wow, the stories they told! Obviously they didn't know the cardinal rule of job interviewing -- don't bash your former boss in a new job interview -- but hell, my jaw was dropped open at that point so I didn't care. JUICY STUFF!

According to the scorned former employees, Lisa Frank is the Anna Wintour of the sticker empire and goes through personal assistants like cheap rolls of toilet paper. Or at least that's what they all said. But then again, they were all women she had fired. So they could have been a tad bitter and, as such, exaggerating.

(**Emerald covers her ass here so she doesn't get sued for libel.**)

For all I know, she may be a lovely women. But now when I see her cheery, acid-trip unicorns, I can't help but imagine that when she's drawing those sparkly horns, she's really thinking of lethal weapons.

I gots no segue for this next section:

HEY EVERYBODY, I FOUND A NEW DRESS I LIKE!

It's the new Anabell ($195L) at Apple May Designs.

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(Pose: La Coquine from the Goofy Me pose set at Pffiou!)

My photo doesn't do it justice, but the textures are delicious, and it comes with a variety of skirt options, as well as an optional shoulder sash, which I can't seem to mod to fit my shape -- GAH!

Since I'm not a model, here's AMD's display pic:

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Cute, simple, pretty, with two skirts to chose from (flexi or torn, which I'm wearing), and a sculpted shoulder sash. Just this once, I paired mine with the Lilac Tirkis stockings from the Color Mix 9 stockings at ALB Dream Fashions and -- I don't care if they're so yesterday -- some color-change ballet boots from Dilly Dolls. 

Hey, it's hard to match accessories with my unicorn parts without looking like a hot rainbow mess.

That's all I got today.

Love and laughs,
E

P.S. Go unicorns!!!

6 comments:

Aisuru Rieko said...

<3 you. your booze stories, your funny self. some people can't see a joke even when it comes up and slaps them.

also: Piggly Wiggly is a joke to me just by itself. I'll have to elaborate sometime in IMs or something.

V said...

When I think Lisa Frank, I don't think Ballet boots :P But you totally brought me back to those times.

So.. isn't it better you be drunk in SL than drunk say... driving a car? I mean.. just saying..

And don't change your writing style for a second and if you start biting your tongue.. or rather.. tying your hands? I'll have to hunt you down and kill you. and that.. by the way.. is a joke.. :) I won't actually hunt or kill you.. lol and it sounds a lot more threatening when you say it isn't haha..

Eevie Lemon

Chalice Carling said...

So it's a bad thing I do logging onto SL after having 4 strong caprioska's???????? And here I thought I was a riot but in hindsight wondered why people weren't answering my IM's.

Oh go on enjoy a drink...my doctor say's it healthy. But then again, my doctor owns a winery.

hugz

Tymmerie Thorne said...

If it makes you feel better, according to Wikipedia, Unicorns spring fully formed from the laughter of small children. They do not have sex to procreate.

They have sex to earn a living.

Marnix Malifozik said...

[Homer Simpson mode]
Mmmmm, hot rainbow mess....
[/Homer Simpson mode]

Tristan Micheline said...

Love you bunches Em <3 <3 <3. Your great sense of humor on any subject you write about has me laughing. Don't change a thing. The haters will always be there to hate on something while the people who truly enjoy your writing will always be here to cheer you on. Stay true to yourself and be who you want to be. Making things funny is a great way to deal with it without buckling under the pressure of the blahs.

*loves you up*