Mea culpa

I have this opinion -- and feel free to disagree with it or add to it -- that a really good blog falls into one or more of four categories: 

1) provides its readers with plenty of useful information; 

2) is wildly entertaining; 

3) is just flat-out damn good writing, even if it's just reciting the alphabet; or

4) occasionally gets a nice heated debate going . . . or at least a mild discussion. 

Based on No. 4 alone, if I write a post and it makes people angry, I'll usually keep the post up, slammin' comments and all. I don't attack people who comment and disagree with my opinions. I don't even respond with anger to the hate mail that I occasionally get. 

(For the record, I get plenty of love mail too. It is Love Thursday, after all! And I love you people who drop me those wonderful notes. They make my day. Thank you!)

But last night I wrote a blog post that deeply offended someone I care about and caused possible irreparable damage to our friendship (ouchy, I've never been muted before. I thought people only did that to griefers or losers with annoying gestures. **winces**), so I deleted that crazy, tipsy post I wrote last night. It was toxic, according to my friend. Or maybe she called me toxic. I guess I agree with either context right now.

(Yep, you gotta check this blog during the wee hours of the morning if you want to catch the crazy in action.)

When my former friend told me she was cutting me from her life, she listed a couple of reasons. Because she made some valid points, I'd like to clarify a couple of things for my readers.

-- Last night I said my life was an open book. I listed several open-book moments. It wasn't really intended to be a pity party and if it's sounding that way, I need to work on the tone.

Here's the thing. In spite of it all, there has never been one dark incident or time in my life from which I haven't managed to emerge shining on the other side, as a stronger and better person. 

This, right here, right now, is another bad time, but I have no doubt that I'll eventually rise from these ashes as well.

As a writer, my attitude is this: If my readers follow me through the blackness alllll the way to the other side -- the bright one, the one with the greener pastures -- maybe they can take something from that story and apply it to their own dark journeys, should they ever have to walk those roads. Or at least get some hope that, yes, this too shall pass. Trust me, it always does.

I try to handle the blackness with equally black humor. But apparently I'm failing at it these days. So I'll try to keep the "wow, look at the trainwreck of my life!" moments to a minimum from now on. They don't belong in an SL blog anyway, but then again, maybe they do. How can you know my SL self if you don't know the real person behind her? It's always something I ponder. Unlike other people, I can't separate the two.

-- Last night I also expressed my belief that many people who spend marathon hours in world are either unbelievably bored or unbelievably damaged. That flippant comment came from tunnel vision and a lack of perspective on my part (not to mention gin).

I mentioned that I fall in the latter category. If I felt better about myself in real life, believe me, I'd be out there soaking up every minute of it. Life is short. Do we really want to spend it at a computer screen? I don't. But I am. And I like it in SL. It's a guilty pleasure, with the emphasis on guilt. So that comment came from a yucky place of conflicting emotions -- guilt, shame, regret, self-loathing . . . every shrink's wildest dreams come true.

But HEY, at least I admit that I have a problem. Take that, Step One!

I apologize for generalizing. Most of my friends are in world often, so CONGRATULATIONS, EMERALD, you just insulted them all in ONE SWOOP!! Many people have businesses in SL. And many of you have your own stories and reasons as to why you spend significant amounts of time there. Instead of making a broad and insulting comment, I should have asked this open-ended question:

Why do you spend time in Second Life and how has this time enriched your life?

And if you're hiding out like me, licking emotional wounds and leaning on SL friends who help you grow stronger by the day, maybe we all need to update each other with progress reports on how our trips back to the other side of the border are going.

So that's my mea culpa. I lost a friend because of my blog post last night and hell yeah, I shed tears over it today. But I accept the consequences of my actions and my thoughtless words, and I'll just close this topic with this sage advice:

Don't Drink and Blog!

P.S. To my new friend Selkie, I will do your RAWKIN' meditation cushion (below) justice in a future post. It's Love Thursday! And I love it. I'm so glad I stopped by your store.