A horrible situation. Just HORRIBLE!

If, perchance, you feel like your SL is going to hell, take a look at the inventory in this photo and maybe it'll make you feel better.

In case you can't find your glasses, it says 102,154.

I did the math. If I work really hard, I should get it sorted and cleaned out by the time I'm 60.

Honestly, I blame the evolution of "the gridwide hunt" and how they once consumed my life. I don't do hunts anymore.

What kills me the most are those two folders called "Weapons" and "Vehicles." What's worse is if you open those folders, they each have about 200 things in them.

Two. Hundred. Weapons. Who's up for a fight?

And what's REALLY worse is that at one point I decided those folders were SO IMPORTANT that I had to put an "!" in front of them to move them to the top.

*winces and deletes both of those folders*

And how 'bout that folder called "Furniture I buy and like." Apparently, that one keeps the good furniture away from the "furniture I buy and don't like."

I think the solution is to choose about, um, 500 things I love and then delete everything else. Just cover my eyes, hit delete, try not to think about it, and pray to God that deleting more than 100,000 items doesn't crash the whole grid.

Ironically, there's a blogger challenge currently going around that asks something along the lines of "If you could only pick three things in your inventory to keep, what would they be?"

I'm bummed because in my "blog posts I started and then forgot about/gave up on/lost interest in" folder is half of a post called "The five things you need in your inventory" that asks a similar question. Damn, I could've been a BLOGGER CHALLENGER!!

It's still a good question though. So good in fact, that I'm not gonna ruin it by trying to answer it.

Plus, I probably couldn't find those three things if I wanted to.

Go ahead! Touch my Christmas monkey! Touch it!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Here's a picture of my cleavage!

(ha ha!)

I can't log in right now. If I had a Plurk account, I'd probably be one of those people Plurking, "HEY I CAN'T LOG IN!"

But anyway . . .

Moxie Polano has created a gown that actually made me break out my skirt shape, and believe you me, that's a difficult task. I hate system skirts. I'd rather be flouncing -- YES, "flouncing" -- around in a floaty dress or wearing jeans.

But this Partridge in a Pear Tree gown (I think that's what it's called, but I can't check because I can't log in) is part of her 12 Days of Christmas Collection. And if you're a girl, you should go check that stuff out. I like it because it's not Christmas-centric. Many of the pieces can be worn after the holidays. AND UPDATE: All day on Dec. 24, everything in the collection is half off.


(Pose courtesy of just standing around.)

I don't know how the real fashion bloggers do it. If I want to get my whole body in the frame, the picture turns out SO SMALL and SKEENY like that!

I'm wearing hot pink kicks under that gown. But in my day we called them "tennis shoes." And actually I'm really wearing the black stilettos that are included with the gown. (I think it's 750L.)

Scroll back up there for another gander -- YES, "gander" -- at my cleavage, and while you're there, look at the exquisite detailing in the neckline and the headpiece.

That's a partridge! In a pear tree! (Even the partridge is checking out my rack!)

I love Moxie Polano not just because she's talented, but also because she was the first designer to ever speak to me. It was during a hunt and we were both hopelessly lost. She taught me that not all SL designers are scary. And even though we haven't spoken since, she STILL hasn't booted me off her friends list!

That makes me feel special.

Speaking of special, I got a couple of SL gifts from friends today that literally made me get teary. They made me wish that I could make something, instead of wandering around looking for nifty items with trans perms. ("Trans perms" -- oh, the secret language we speak here!)

But I can't. And to be honest, I am STRESSED THE HELL OUT RIGHT NOW with Christmas in BOTH lives. I haven't wrapped any gifts anywhere. I haven't finished RL Christmas shopping. I need to clean my part of my real house. I need to find something cute to wear to RL Christmas Eve Mass just in case the guy I've had a crush on since fourth grade happens to be there. (I hear he's still single. Yes Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus!)

But my God, trying to accomplish all that stuff feels impossible, kind of like getting on the LeLook sim this week!

[Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is a segue RIGHT HERE.]

I love my SL friends. The only "homemade" gift I can give them is to write about how awesome they are in my goofy blog. I try to do that whenever I can. And in the meantime, I have to stop agonizing over SL gifts now and worry about my real ones. I have to stop my relentless gridwide quest to find the perfect SL gift for each beloved friend and make peace with one perfect universal choice instead.

So as a token of my affection this year, some of you will get . . .



CHRISTMAS MONKEY!

HEY, I've looked at dozens of monkeys today and this one is QUALITY. So if you get one, LOVE IT! And yeah, maybe it's a little creepy, but monkeys are supposed to be creepy. And if you don't get one, please don't take it personally. It's just because I ran out of lindens.

And um, cough, you might get it after Christmas too. The clock is ticking! I can only wrap so many pixelated boxes in one sitting! (actually in one slouching)

Speaking of scary . . .



I never know what delicious blingy horrors I'll find in my yard when I log in sometimes.

*screams and runs*

Actually, since this post is already long (shocker), can I close it with a quote from Santa in the 1994 remake of "Miracle on 34th Street"? Thanks!

"I'm not just a whimsical figure in a charming suit who affects a jolly demeanor. I'm a symbol. I'm a symbol of the human ability to suppress the selfish and hateful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives.

"And if you can't believe, if you can't accept anything on faith, then you're doomed to a life dominated by doubt."

I BELIEVE, SANTA! ♥
So does my army of Christmas monkeys!

PUT SOME PANTS ON!

You say "muddy photo" . . .



. .. I say "trapped in a snowglobe!"

Today's the only day IN OUR ENTIRE SLIVES that you can buy this posing snowglobe ($1000L) at Glitterati. (Skin: Snow Fae by L.Fauna. Snowflake Gown by Moxie Polano. GO check out her fabulous 12 Days of Christmas Collection. I'm being serious.)

It's fab. My only critique is that I wish it were snowing in there. It IS a snowglobe after all. Maybe I'm supposed to shake it.

See pose details and a much better photo of it over on the highly addictive SL Daily Deals site, which has sadly (in the grand scheme of things) become an ESSENTIAL PART OF MY DAILY ROUTINE: Get up, drink coffee, trudge to highly stressful agency job, deal with testy client, lunch with fellow drones-in-suits, take a Xanax break, type a report that no one will read, *allow mind to drift for a quick minute while I check the SL Daily Deals site and wish I were at home watching 'The Golden Girls' and messing around on my laptop*, meet with bitter disgruntled employees, Facebook break, stare out window at Mississippi River, bill somebody for something, TMZ.com break, call a journalist, watch the sun set, fantasize about the cute lawyer on Floor 11, try to psychically determine when he'll be taking the elevator to the parking garage, blow nose, bill someone for it, eventually trudge back home, eat something microwaved, possibly log in for a few minutes, pop a Lunesta, read something, turn on talk radio (Coast to Coast AM! You need it in your lives!), fall asleep, wake up, start it all over again, BLAH! THERE'S GOT TO BE MORE TO LIFE! THERE'S GOT TO BE MORE THAN THIS! THERE'S GOT TO . . .

Sorry.

I promised myself (and my shrink) that I'd quit doing that.

Um, back to the snowglobe. It's still for sale today, but the 100 that were available for half-price as today's SL Daily Deal are now gone.

In other news, I just have a bunch of random things to say today. I know you're shocked.

1. Chic Aeon wants everyone to stop blogging about the same thing.

So I'd better not see ANYONE blogging this Flava Flav giraffe on XStreet!



FLAVAA FLAAAAAAAAAV!

(It was a cough syrup-induced purchase. Only 50L!)

2. WHOOOOOOOPSY!



How is that ARC even possible? Laugh out loud!

(And WOOO! Check my rack! Hubba Hubba!)

I feel horrible because I went to the Musashi Do fashion show dressed like that yesterday (minus the wings though -- I'm not that big of a dork), not realizing that I had a five-digit ARC.

Maybe that's why this poor guy's pants fell off on the runway:



Now that I have this MacBook Pro, fashion shows are visible and bearable for me . . . EXCEPT for yesterday's, that is. Now maybe I know why. *looks around sheepishly*



I have never mentally willed something to rez so much in my SLife, but ALAS, all I got was a shadowy bulge show.

3. When I was a noob, I wanted to wear wings with everything. I had those monster boxes of freebie ones and I had them all labeled to match every outfit.

I haven't really done the wing thing in over a year though.

But then I saw these really cool ones by Material Squirrel at Winterstock and got all NOSTALGIC LIKE THAT.

So I bought them:



Imagine my absolute horror when I clicked on them and read,

[8:49] Sofiel Angel Wings 4.2.1 whispers: Emerald arches her wings in response to your erotic touch.

WHAT??????!!!!!!

[8:49] Sofiel Angel Wings 4.2.1 whispers: Emerald flutters her wings and releases an intoxicating scent.

NO!

No scents! No intoxication!!

That is just SO WRONG.

Angels don't have SLEX!!!!!

It's Christmas, for God's sake!!!!!

OMG, people will SLexify anything!

MORE exclamation points!!!!!

[8:49] Sofiel Angel Wings 4.2.1 whispers: Emerald flaps her wings in one last spasm of orgasmic ecstasy as she slowly BURNS IN HELL.

Speaking of being holy . . .

4. Seeing as how it's the holiest time of the year, I'm really trying hard not to trailer-park up my yard right now, but . . .



What?

I have no prim allowance left?

How could that be?

5. When I first heard of the 15L Winterville Bazaar, where everything is transferrable and 15L or less, I thought GHETTO!!!!!

But then I checked it out and realized it's full of cool little booths from cool stores like Sn@tch, Frop, Weird Designs, etc. So if you happen to be like me and enthusiastically signed up for something like 19 different Secret Santa exchanges, the place is perfect for grabbing cute affordable gifts for complete strangers. (Look, I learned how to highlight stuff!)



Like this whimsical Flower Box by Mar at the Sugar. Snap. Me. booth. It's 5L. YES! I said 5L!

Hey, I think I'm actually done running my mouth now.

NO WAIT!

6. There's a ZEBRA in the Neon Frog Midnight Mania board today. Remember the good ol' days when we used to rejoice over the animals in that board? And the board locked down so fast, we could hardly get there to slap it in time? Where did those days go???



sigh

SLanxiety! (and some fashion)

Drag queen alert!

Just kidding.

Sort of.

If there were an award for Bitchiest Person in the Universe, I'd win it this weekend.

I've got this crud that started as a flu and then went away for a while and then came back as strep throat and now is pretty much just permeating my whole body with an onslaught of aches and chills and phlegm.

PHLEGM!

I want to weep and feel sorry for myself, but I can't because it'll just make my nose run more.

Call me a late fashion bloomer or whatever, but I discovered Vita's Boudoir yesterday when I saw this gorgeous dress right HERE CLICK THIS CLICK THIS CLICK THIS on one of my favorite freebie blogs. (My God, I love your photos, Yurie Haalan!!!)

I ran like a rabid reindeer to grab it and then proceeded to buy almost every dress in the whole store.

Designer Vitabela Dubrovna is now on my Forever Win list. She's also a designer in real life. Here's her RL blog. Here's her SL blog.

But anyway, back to the dresses.

This one is called Black Lace:



I'm not really the type to do a Look of the Day. I'm more of a "Hey, I found a dress that I like and I also managed to match my shoes with it" type.

But:

Dress: Black Lace (600L) from Vita's Boudoir
Shoes: Ashia pointe shoes in pewter (450L) from Slink (includes ballet poses)
Necklace: Diamond Necklace in silver (100L) from So Many Styles (the accessories are transferable there, BTW, in case you're shopping for the holidays)
Earrings: Hiral earrings in shell/silver from Zaara (225L)
Skin: Bella/Fair in Night from the For Your Eyes Only pack (2000L) at Tuli
Hair: Sinter (300L) from Tukinowaguma

I'm on a Tukinowaguma hair kick these days. It sounds like a battle cry.

TUKINOWAGUMA!

I also loved this Dirty Butterfly dress (450L):



When you're wearing a dress that sexy, you really don't need to wear much else, save for a sassy little hairstyle (Maison in Ash, 300L) from

TUKINOWAGUMA!

(Skin: Bella/Fair in Gogo)

And I dig this Forest Nest gown (700L):

>

Yeah, I'm kind of a fan of the laser-cut lace look thing. And I don't really think that was a fashion term, actually. Tim Gunn would not approve.

Anyway, here's your fashion mission, should you choose to accept it:

— Go to Vita's Boudoir Black Main Showroom
— Grab the free gift under the Christmas tree
— Hit the Subscribo and say "thank you!" for two more gifts (another dress and a fur stole) in History
— Then LOOK CAREFULLY because Vita is participating in the gridwide So 2010 Secret 50L Sale (for a list of participating stores, click HERE) and TWO, YES TWO, of her fantabulous gowns are marked down to 50L until Dec. 27.

Now you are a freakin' fashionista with four gorgeous gowns and a fur stole for a MERE 100L!

You know what else I like about that store?

Each dress has a "buy as gift" option.

I would wink here, but I don't really do that kind of thing.

But I don't have any of the dresses with rose or pink in them yet.

*anti-wink*

Shoot, I promised you some SLanxiety here in this post.

I thought signing up for three Secret Santas would be fun, but I'm TOTALLY OVERTHINKING IT, as I'm prone to do.

The one that's sort of stressing me out the most is the Fashion Bloggers' Secret Santa. I'm a member of that group, but I think we can all agree that "Emerald Wynn" and "fashion blogger" aren't exactly synonymous. Designers do sometimes drop me review copies of their creations, but I think it's because they secretly yearn for a break from sophistication.

If you're a creator and I like your stuff, you aren't going to see a glam fashion spread here. Instead, you're gonna see a lot of big bold capitalized words, an explosion of enthusiastic exclamation points, photos that most likely will make you laugh or cringe, my yard, and possibly a few barnyard animals thrown in the mix.

So as far as the Fashion Bloggers group goes, I had a small heart attack when I got the name of my Secret Santa recipient. She's glamourous and beautiful and upscale, and I'm pretty sure if I ran into her on the SL streets somewhere, I'd get all shy and run away.

Wait . . . let's keep it in perspective and rephrase that:

Her AVATAR is glamourous and beautiful and upscale, and I'm pretty sure if MY AVATAR ran into HER AVATAR on the SL streets somewhere, MY AVATAR would get all shy and run away.

And after typing that sentence, I now realize that I'm being ridiculous.

So instead of sticking to my original blog-post plan of whirling around like an angsty Tasmanian devil here, let me just cut to the chase and say:

"I have no idea what an appropriate Secret Santa gift for an SL Fashionista is."

To make matters worse, we're encouraged to give SEVERAL small gifts throughout the month.

. . . . . . HAIKU BREAK!

My SLagony, boxed,

gift-wrapped, tied with shiny bow.

Will you take it, please?

I thought maybe if I made something, something from the heart, it would be way more meaningful than something snazzy.

So I worked hard all day yesterday on this craft project:



WOOT!

Sorry, this post is long. What's more, I'm probably gonna write another one today too. Because tomorrow it'll be back to the RL, 14-hour-day corporate grind. No time for blogging, no time for fun, just time enough to work, work, work, work, drink, weep, sleep, work, work, work, not necessarily in that order.

I'll wrap up this particular post with a helpful suggestion and a deep, deep, insight.

Helpful Suggestion: If you're considering checking out this week's 50L Weekend Fever sales, I suggest picking up this 50L Comfort couch from Just My Imagination. Just be sure you turn off your AO before you sit down:



And now, a Deep, Deep Insight:



I've decided gold is the new red.

*anti-wink*

Mine eyes have seen the kitschy glory (and a NINJA!)

Hello! Welcome to the BIGGEST PICTURE OF MY FACE EVER!

I wish I could make you a T-shirt now! "I Saw A Big Damn Picture of Emerald's Face and SURVIVED!"

U.S. fashion guru Tim Gunn would probably say that if you have holly, candy canes, Christmas bells, ornaments, stars, snowflakes, and God knows what else crammed in your eyelashes, you should probably remove your earrings, as they'll steal the spotlight from all the CHRISTMAS CRAP dangling off your face.

Consider it done, Timmy!

Tongue in cheek aside, I actually got A LITTLE GIGGLE from these Christmas Cheer Eyelashes (200L) from Talon Faire.

(Other style notes — Eyes: I'm loyal to only a select few brands of eyes. Bodyline is one of them. The eyes are FABULOUS there. At top, I'm wearing Purple Line, 130L. Eventually I will own all the Bodyline eyes. Consider it a goal. Skin: Tuli's Bella/Fair in the makeup called "I Have No Lindens Now"— JOKE! The makeup is Sunset in the For Your Eyes Only pack, 2000L. There's also a For Your Lips Only pack. I want it so badly, it hurts. But I need to rein in my spending. *on hearing this, my spending whinnies and rears up on its hind legs*)

OK, so being an occasional Catholic, I'm now feeling a little guilty for using the phrase "Christmas crap." Don't repeat that, kids!

And just so you know, I usually can't stand it when people say stupid things like "a little giggle." Irritating. And I also usually can't stand prim eyelashes. They're hell to mod, and unless you're using a decent computer, chances are good they're just gonna look like a couple of smushed bugs on my face anyway.

But these lashes have a sense of humor. These lashes amuse me. And when I'm wearing them, I require no other festive accessories except . . .


(Eyes in Platinum/Large from Beloved Custom Designs.)

NINJA!

HA HA! My friend Kareem Glas made these Ninja Shoulder Pets carrying various weapons (some of them move!) and gave some to me. She doesn't sell them either! She just makes cool stuff FOR THE HELL OF IT! Can you imagine? But if you're yearning for your own, maybe she'll hook you up if you ask her nicely.

BUT WAIT! I just hopped over to Kareem's blog and it appears that she's a hot guy now! She chronicles her gender-bending HERE. I met Kareem when she was a female. But hey, a hot guy is even better in my book. So rock on with that, man!

(BUT DAMN KAREEM, I GOT YOU A HUGE PINK FOOFY DRESS FOR CHRISTMAS!)

The cool thing is, she — OOPS, I mean HE! — packaged them in this giant ninja box, which recently got its 15 minutes of blog fame over on the Ch'Know blog:



("What? Only two comments?" Love, Emerald "Queen of the Screen Shot" Wynn)

So many shenanigans going on in my yard these days.

So speaking of "cool stuff my friends made," my friend Estevan Preiss is getting ready to launch a jewelry line called Rising Star. He gave me some preview items. From what I can see, the line is big, bold, glammy stuff, so I'm excited for him! I'm not gonna really show it until he officially launches, but in the meantime I'm wearing his holly earrings — they're lined in gold with a gold back and I love them:



They match the holly THAT'S HANGING OFF MY EYE.

If you look closely, you can see that my eyelashes are actually floating about 1/4 of a centimeter away from my eyes. Yeah, I gave up. If you see me on the SL streets, just don't get too close to my face please. Particularly because on any given day, you will see some sad thing — a random strand of hair, an earring, eyelashes, a prim tattoo, vampire bites — orbiting my head, making a silent-but-tragic statement of total mod fail.

So anyway, my friend Eva introduced me to the eyelash-and-nail store Talon Faire. I suggest you check it out, because it's full of amusing eyelash awesome sauce. She also TPed me to the Stiletto Moody sale today, checked out my outfit and said, "Haha, I can see your @ss when you walk!"

AND YOU LIKE IT, EVA! I'm giving you a huge framed picture of it for Christmas!

But yeah, my current outfit: Winter fashion masterpiece or Las Vegas showgirl on crack?



Who cares! I love it. I love the flirty little Feather Dress from So Many Styles (available in other colors for 200L), the snowflake tattoo (50L) from Otaku Designs, those shoes everyone's talking about (I matched my skin, I matched my skin!) and the HAIR!

HAIRGASM ALERT!

I wandered over to the hair store Tukinowaguma for the first time yesterday and now my life will never be the same. So many fabulous, fabulous avant-garde hairstyles! The one I'm wearing is Brooke (300L). You can change the color to a more common shade if you like. But this time of year, my favorite hue is wintery white, baby.

Someday I will own every hair on that new "2009 Hair Collection Version" wall. Consider it a goal.

I think that's all my useless information right now. The only other thing I've got going on is SL Secret Santas. In a burst of holiday optimism, I signed up for three of them: Celebrity Trollop's, the Fashion Bloggers' group's, and the Lucky Chair Stalkers' group's. (*checks that punctuation again . . . OK*)

Now I'm sort of wandering around the grid wondering why the hell I haven't been making notes about what stores have cool gifts with trans perms. Because on top of Secret Santas, I also have my friends to think of.

And on top of that, ever since I signed up for Secret Santas, I've got that old-skool Atlantic Starr "Secret Lovers" song stuck in my head. Sort of . . .

"SECRET SANTAAAAAAAAS!
THAT'S WHAT WE AARE!
TRYIN' SO HARD TO HIIIIIDE 
THE WAY WE FEEEEEL!
BECAUSE WE BOTH BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE,
BUT WE CAN'T LET GO
'CUZ WHAT WE FEEEEEEEL
IS OH SO REAL!
(Background singers: SO REEEEEAL, SO REEEEAL, SOOOO-OOO REAL!)"

*falls on ground laughing*

I'm so glad I'm around to crack myself up.

Probably time for me to stop drinking hot toddies for my sore throat. Or maybe not!

Cha cha cha, y'all! ♥

Was blind but now I SEE!!!!!!!!

Hi from the land of fever. 102.5 F to be exact!

WOOOOOO HOOOOOO! I have the flu. THANK YOU JESUS FOR THIS FLU because my company has a new "swine flu prevention" policy that says if you have a fever, you cannot come back to the office until 48 hours after it's gone. Gosh, that'll break my heart, but OK.

Excuse me for a minute while I go make a hot toddy . . . . . . .

(Starve a cold, feed a fever . . . with scotch.)

OK, I'm back.

It's been a while since we've had exuberant exclamation points and bold all caps over here, so here we go:

So HEY EVERYBODY! I finally got my new MacBook Pro, optimized for superior online gaming performance, and

WOW!

It reminds me of my childhood, when I spent years running around not being able to see clearly but not realizing it, and then finally getting glasses and just gaping at everything in wonder. And then to take it a step further, getting contacts later and looking so much more attractive than the Coke-bottle-glasses geek face I was before.

Because this baby is sleek! SLEEK, I TELL YOU! SLEEK!

This is the first time I've really been able to see you, my friends. Seriously, many of you have been lovely gray blobs to me up until now. And my house! And the island where I live! I didn't realize I had so many neighbors all around me!!

And the clothes are so detailed! For instance, I've always loved Evie's Closet, but now that everything is so high-res, I love it even more!

We now pause for some news you can use:

That Christmas Caterina Gown in the pic up top is a prize in the Evie's Closet Lucky Dip (50L per dip and there are several cute prizes to win). But if you're lazy like I am, you can just buy it (500L). And that great Blinky hair with little holiday lights in it is one of three 50L holiday hairstyles at Magika. LOVE! I'm also wearing Tuli's Bella skin in Elysium/Fair.

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd buy a fatpack of a freckled skins, but hey, never say never, kids.

Anyway, life is trippy right now. TRIPPY! Like a 'shroom trip!

For instance, the first time I saw my AV move on this new computer, I FREAKED OUT A LITTLE! You have to understand, on my decent-but-not-as-awesome plain ol' MacBook, Emerald kind of clomped and jerked around, like "clomp clomp jerk jerk clomp pause do the robot clomp clomp some more."

Now she moves so fluidly! Like a movie!

It's like a whole new world, and it totally makes me want to belt out that Disney song from "Aladdin."

"A WHOLE NEWWWWWWW WORRRRRRRRRRRRRLD!"

OK, I'll stop now.

The downside is that I can now clearly see horrible things like this:



Crack is whack! Even in a "hey, c'mon over and pop my" thong. Wow, those jeans are low. Why even wear pants at all?

But yeah, I can see what everyone's wearing now. And I'm watching you!

And facelights! Now I get it, I get it! Months ago, my friend Soph begged me to remove my facelight. "You're blinding me!" she wailed.

"But it makes my face look so pretty!" I protested.

"Not to me!" she said. "Just optimize your Windlight settings and you won't need a facelight!"

So I did. And she had a point. But I still didn't really get it, because my facelit face never looked blinding to me.

But she was right! Because now this is what people wearing facelights look like:



(Sorry, small pic.) At first I thought this girl was wearing a really flawed skin or even clown makeup. Then I realized it was her facelight!

And shoes! I never got the whole shoe craze. They weren't that exciting to me. But I finally went to the Shoe Expo, and not only did everything REZ around me, but the shoes looked delicious! I wanted to stick them in cones and LICK THEM!!!!



Dear Pixel Mode, I love your Danger shoes, but I hate my freaky feet and my even-more-freaky ankles.

So speaking of seeing the world with fresh eyes and childlike wonder, my three-year-old niece came over the other day. She brought her Barbies with her.

"Hey, wanna see MY Barbie?" I asked.

"HELL YES!" she screamed. (OK, no she didn't. But she did say "OK!")

I logged into SL. I showed her Emerald. I told her we could dress her up any way we wanted. I told her that Emerald could even do cool things like fly or ice skate.

For the record, my niece gave my Bax Coen ice skates a thumbs-down.

"NO MORE ICE SKATING!" she commanded.

Sheeeeeesh, OK!

I took her to Bliss Couture. Or actually, I sent Emerald to Bliss Couture while we watched.

I let my niece pick out a dress. Then we went to That Hair Store and I let her pick out a hair style. Then she picked out the makeup.

Here's the three-year-old fashionista-in-the-making's finished product:



Wow, purple! Lots of it!

And *cough* expensive!

The kid has good taste.

Dress: Scarlette Gown in Purple (750L) from Bliss Couture
Hair: Eva in Swedish (250L) from Truth
Skin: Bella in Sophia (Fair) from Tuli (Single skin, 1000L; Fatpack: 4950L)

"Now what does she do?" my niece asked.

"Well . . . nothing. She just kind of stands there and, well, she just stands there. But I know where a train is. We could make her go ride it! Or I can make her dance!"

"No. Let's go make some eggs and watch Mickey Mouse!"

OK! :D

(Meanwhile, a shot of the action on the other side of the monitor, as captured by the iCam.)

Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is an upper lip. Love, E.

Trading places

Hey, I finally changed clothes!

In other news . . .

I came to a startling realization the other day when I suddenly caught my mind doing flip-flops on me.

I've been honored to become RL Facebook friends with a few of my Second Life friends during the past year. I say "honored" because it's a privilege to be allowed to look over the border, to see who people really are behind their avatars, to see photos of their families and friends and to read their status updates that reflect their real lives, not their prims and pixels.

It takes a certain level of trust to let our Second Life friends see us without our masks on, and I cherish these 360-degree friendships as some of the most important things that Second Life has given me.

The flip-flop occurred when I was reading one such friend's SL blog the other day and realized I wasn't thinking of it as "[avatar's name]'s blog" . . . I was internally referencing it as "[her real name]'s blog about Second Life."

Maybe it's because these days I'm spending more of my social networking time, when I even have it, on my real Facebook page than in Second Life, but in my mind this friend and a few other people inworld have solidified to the point where I see their avatars but I picture their real faces and think their real names. In that respect Second Life truly has become a social networking tool in that it allows me to connect further with people I have come to know and care about on a number of levels, not just socialize with ambiguous and ultimately anonymous avatars.

(ugh that sounded like a paragraph in a book report. sorry)

Granted, they're still virtual friends in that I've never met them in person -- they just have a few extra dimensions now.

And does that mean that I need to see your real face and/or know your real name and/or some of your real story to be your friend? No, but I'll admit that if I don't, there'll probably always be a little bit of a wall up between us. Not a big scary wall. It can be, like, a pretty glittery pink fiberglass wall if you want.

But I wonder if I'm the only one who does this -- mentally replacing AVs with real faces and names if I know them -- or if it's just another tactic that the stubborn "I refuse to take this place too seriously" part of my mind utilizes in my never-ending quest to always keep it real.

Just curious.

I'm having a hard time writing this blog these days because my mind is now cluttered with a real-life to-do list that grows with every beep of my Blackberry.

I used to have a decent to-do list in Second Life before I gave up and abandoned it. Among the many items:

-- Make a chim that doesn't completely embarrass me at parties
-- Get inventory down to, um, 75K (baby steps!)
-- Thin out the "to blog" folder to a manageable 25 items instead of 300
-- Create a "Gifts for Friends" folder that has a healthy stock of cool transferrable items since I can't make jack but love giving gifts
-- Start a Freebie Blog Feed for people on a budget, since there are now so many great blogs about free finds out there
-- Do something with my 512 parcel (is that what it's called?)

I doubt any of those things are gonna get done.

But speaking of that parcel . . .

A while ago someone in the Fashion Bloggers group was selling her 512 parcel (or whatever it's called) for a linden, provided that the new owner wouldn't resell it and would take good care of it. I grabbed it with visions of a chicken discotheque dancing in my head.

ALAS, since then it's sort of been sitting there looking fugly. I went there today and put up a snowman-shaped house and a giant tree. I think they really helped the overall aesthetic of the place:



Roll on Floor Laughing -- note the awfulness all around me. Ugh, all these little parcels crammed together with everyone desperately trying to create boundaries -- like that ATROCIOUS GIANT BLACK PYRAMID NEXT DOOR.

I tried to make some walls (pretty glittery pink fiberglass ones, in fact!). The result is laughalicious. I like the walls around the parcel behind me. I want those. There's also a cute little store there. I keep meaning to go check it out. I wonder if she'll sell her walls?

(Is there some kind of control I can use to cover that parcel with SL snow, or do I have to use snow prims?)

OK, so the point of all the rambling: My parcel is your parcel. Here's the SLURL. If you're homeless and need a place to unpack boxes or just hide, feel free to use my land and the snowman house. Don't make an ass of yourself like I did and fly smack into the circle in the front of the snowman thinking it's a door -- that's a window. The door is in the back.

(Snowman House, 300L, and Strange Tree, 80L, both from RUJIMEAL. Be warned that they are both freakishly tall -- can you find my AV in that pic?)

I put a couple of chairs on the second floor of the snowman. I didn't put a sex bed in there, but if you need to use my house for those purposes, you can rez your own. The land is set to return stuff to people after three days. Just mop up with Lysol when you're done, please.

And if any of you lovely readers really need a place to live, contact me -- I'm happy to rent that parcel to you for cheap. I'll clear out all my silliness and you can put up your own house and walls.

Now I have to return to getting mentally and emotionally pumped up about wireless service providers.

I will not hide under my desk at work tomorrow.
I will not hide under my desk at work tomorrow.
I will not hide under my desk at work tomorrow.

Ciao!

gasping for steel blue air

Lately whenever my mind starts skittering around in a panic, I stop and concentrate on the image of a vast sheet of ice: cold and clear and sharp and blank. I block out any black murk with a mental blast of frosty wind and then I go back to being a corporate drone.

That's why I'm really glad my friend Aisuru made this awesome ice castle. It's where I want my brain to live right now. Get it at Beloved Custom Designs.

(I take pictures in the Funky Funky Funky Windlight setting and pretend I'm a real photographer.)

I finally got my laptop back. A few wires had simply come undone, thank God, so not only were the repairs covered under the warranty, but the Mac "Geniuses" also cleaned it out, put a new keyboard/mouse pad on it, and put it in a new fiberglass shell (!!!!). All for free! The keys are so clickety now. I feel like I have a whole new computer. How nice to have a screen that doesn't go black every five minutes!!

MY GOD, THAT PARAGRAPH WAS EXCITING!!!

A lot happened during the week I was laptop-less. For the first time in my history, Stiletto Moody gave her update group a free pair of shoes. If I were motivated, I'd show them to you. Unfortunately I'm not. I think you can join her group for free today only and get them at her store though.

And call me a sheep, but I also like the new Bella skin from Tuli:



Baaaaaaaa! (that was a sheep sound)

Yeah, I'm still wearing that sweater from A.S.S. Maybe I'll become The Avatar in That Sweater. I don't feel like changing clothes. But if I did, I would change into the new Oksana outfit by House of RFyre. It's really rare that I'll get a new release notice, yell "OOOOOOOH!!!!" and run like hell to buy something, but when I saw this dress I did just that. And then when I saw that Arabella Steadham had blogged it, I thought, "Thank God," because she takes such gorgeous pictures and you know mine would have brought the comical suck and ruined it.

Because I am the epitome of icy laziness right now, here's a SCREEN SHOT of Arabella's blog post about this stunning ensemble:



Laugh out loud and sorry. But yeah, to see the dress in all its glory, run over to Arabella's Amblings.

Out of the 932 fashion blogs in Second Life, I only deem about nine of them worthy of my time and attention. Take a bow, Arabella!

I almost named this post "Blog posts I wish I'd written" because there were a few today that made me pump my fist in the air and yell, "YEAH!"

Well, OK, a mental fist, I mean. Wearing an icy mitten.

Chalice (Cha Cha) Charling wrote one called "I Love You . . . I Love You Not (so much)" which made me smile. I know this was not her intention, but I think this post countering pictures of things she loves with pictures of things she does not love is a gracious and fun way to mock things that are stupid and, as such, I totally intend to copybot that blog idea soon and do it over here.

Here's a screen shot of Chalice's blog:



HA HA HA! I so did not know these people had me in their blog rolls!! I swear! *BLUSH!* I'm flattered! :D

So if you haven't figured it out by the slightly off-kilter and defeated tone of this blog, you are watching a mental breakdown in progress so BUCKLE UP kids and enjoy the ride! Here's a quick stream-of-RL-consciousness snapshot just to put it all in perspective:

I spent last week at a PR summit held by the company for which I am now a vice-presidential public relations representative; it was one of those totally cheesy events where a totally cheesy guy in a totally cheesy suit gets on a totally cheesy stage with totally cheesy hip-and-happening "get fired up" music blasting out of giant speakers behind him and he gets everyone cheering and bursting with company pride and then he switches gears and starts reaming everyone for not "driving home PR efforts enough to boost fourth-quarter company earnings" and I'm sitting in the audience thinking, "I direct PR efforts in a very rural part of the South with some of the biggest unemployment and poverty numbers in history and by the way it's the holidays and right now most people are more worried about putting food on their tables and buying their kids a couple of Christmas presents than buying one of your $300 smart phones so ARE YOU FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME?" and . . .

ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice sheet of ice ice ice ice

. . . . later my new boss comes up to me and tells me they are "anxiously waiting for me to start acting like a leader" and I look at her in confusion because I have had this job for a whopping 10 days at this point and I am still anxiously waiting for some office furniture, business cards and my parking pass and I translate part of "acting like a leader" to "firing the guy who is only billing 12 hours a day instead of the typical 15" and . . .

ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice sheet of ice ice ice ice

. . . I refuse to fire anyone until I see with my own eyes that they are slacking off and this morning I even Googled "how to act like a leader" because I am confused about what I've done -- besides not firing a guy -- in 10 days that's already not been acting like a leader and when I asked my boss to give me some examples of her perception of "acting like a leader" she said, "for example, you could eat some yeast and lighten up," which seems somewhat contradictory to me and goes on my list of "lamest attempts at constructive criticism ever" and . . .

ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice sheet of ice ice ice ice

. . . this weekend I fell off a wagon of sorts and have been steadily feeding myself just enough sedatives to keep my mind in the land of ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice sheet of ice ice ice ice

. . . and lying in bed watching documentaries about people who live and work in Antarctica and trying not to think about how I will probably shake during the whole hourlong drive to work tomorrow morning and how I feel like I sold my soul for six figures and how I wanted my life to be so much more than a small piggy woman in ugly stretch pants and a cheesy dude in a shiny suit barking at me to get their company more press so they can sucker more people into buying $300 cell phones and in the process make even more money and never mind that you are already a Fortune 40 company and isn't that enough for you right now and hey doesn't this company understand that people are pretty broke and unemployed at the moment and what are your corporate social responsibility policies anyway, Big Wireless Provider? because I did not realize you were so cutthroat, I mean, your commercials are so hilarious, who woulda thunk it, are you really about communication or are you more about the giant bonus you'll get next month if my blood, sweat and tears result in high sales figures for you and . . .

ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice sheet of ice ice ice ice

. . . my mother getting all weepy at the sight of me getting all weepy and begging me "not to do that thing where you lose it and quit your job again because your father and I really need this money" and there are so many things wrong with that request right there that my mind cannot even process it, but hey mom, I'm only thirtysomething and I'm all alone in this mess with nobody to help me but myself and I'm too young to carry the burden of saving my still-young 60-something-year-old alcoholic parents who can't seem to pull it together, especially since I myself am trying so hard to pull it together right now but I can't seem to stop feeling like a warped and battered puzzle piece that simply. doesn't. fit. into. any. picture. anymore. period.

ice ice ice ice ice ice ice ice sheet of ice ice ice ice

OK. That wasn't quick. Sorry.

Update: I heard that mean people are snipping about my emo on Plurk. Plurk is the handiwork of the Devil and nothing is truly "private" there, kiddies. SURE, I'LL ADMIT IT: All the whining aside, I'm just a child who hates working, particularly if the job holds no meaning for me.

I made a sign that says, "IT'S JUST A FRIGGIN' JOB" and slapped it on my mirror.

And I'll try to counter my hatred of Corporate America by taking my fat paycheck and using it to buy holiday gifts for struggling families this year.

Speaking of real life, I don't know this guy, but I saw his blog post on the IHeartSL feed this morning. It's "My Brand of Heroin" by Phantom Republic and he's making a run for the RL border. He's tired of Pleasantville. He misses gritty reality.

Good luck with that, man.

Meanwhile I'll hunker down in pixelated snow drifts and continue to fling shards of ice at the fire-breathing demons in my head.

the shakes

Hi from a newly launched smart phone that shares its name with Star Wars robots.

No, I'm not saying the name here because the company that introduced it is my new PR client and I try to keep my pixelated life separate from my professional one.

Anyway, cool phone that lets me blog, huh? It has a high-res screen with a little QWERTY keyboard that slides out from under it, which is cool because I hate the touch-screen one.

My MacBook is STILL in the shop and I will admit that I'm not handling not having a computer very well. I feel so disconnected. I decided to hold off on buying the new computer because my new job is intense, so much so that I sincerely think I'm in over my head. I've come home and bawled three nights out of my first week.

I'm slightly concerned that I'm either going to get canned or end up sneaking out of the building and running for my life. I wish the tempting tempting Greyhound Bus station weren't right under my office window.

All that "woe is me" aside, I miss the brief escape that slipping into a Second Life gives me. I'm in this highly stressful job where I'm getting paid mega bucks to crank out highly creative ideas and unfortunately I can't access the one place that lets the right side of my brain run wild. It's almost physically painful, but maybe if I was so dependent on this particular outlet for release, I needed to have it yanked away from me anyway.

I wish they'd make a Second Life app for smart phones though. :D

Hope everyone's fabulous. ♥

A really good reason to break a shopping boycott

But first:

In the real world today, a gunman went on a shooting rampage at Fort Hood, Texas, killing 12 people and wounding 31 others. I am ashamed that it took a tragedy like that one to put some bullsh*t SL drama — as well as some frivolous real stuff — in perspective for me.

And now, back to your pixelated world of perfection:

The fact that I'm blogging today doesn't mean that I don't support content creators in The War Against Content Theft.

(At this point, I feel like we need to capitalize it.)

-- Read designers' thoughts on content theft on Achariya Rezak's rockin' blog HERE.

-- Check out a tutorial on how to verify an object's creator over on the Fab Free blog HERE.

-- Find a Step UP! (against content theft) event tonight and/or get yourself educated over on the Step UP! blog HERE.

-- Go over to Sway's Creations and grab this free Step UP! bear (also distributed in the Subscribo). Don't forget to open it and take the supportive materials inside.

Nobody does bears like Sway Dench does. That thing blinks too. It took me nine tries to get a photo with its eyes open.

OK.

I got really excited today when I got a notecard from A.S.S. (Another Stupid T-Shirt Shop).

Actually everyone in the Subscribo got it, not me personally. I'm not that special.

If you look to your right on this page (under "How I Roll"), you'll see a link to Kiva.org, an initiative I've supported for a while.

I can't explain it better than the organization's Web site:

Kiva is the world's first person-to-person micro-lending website, empowering individuals to lend to unique entrepreneurs around the globe.

The people you see on Kiva's site are real individuals. When you browse entrepreneurs' profiles on Kiva, choose someone to lend to, and then make a loan, you are helping a real person make great strides towards economic independence and improve life for themselves, their family, and their community. Throughout the course of the loan (usually 6-12 months), you can receive email journal updates and track repayments. Then, when you get your loan money back, you can relend to someone else.

A while ago, I lent money to Kwasi Agyei, and hell yeah, he runs a bar in Ghana. I've gotten about half the loan back already. When I get it all back, I'll lend it to someone else.

Anyway, today I was excited to read that several content creators have formed the We Can Do Better team to support the Kiva cause. The proceeds of specially marked items will go toward loans to Kiva-sponsored entrepreneurs. You can track the progress of the We Can Do Better team's loans on the Kiva site HERE.

This great sweater and shredded jeans outfit (150L) is A.S.S.'s contribution:



Welcome to Emerald's half-rezzed dinosaur park. (I decided not to buy my new computer until next week.)

The sweater comes with tucked and untucked options, as well as a bottom prim for a baggier look (not shown because I'm not a fan of that look). The jeans come with rolled-up cuffs. You can't see mine because I've given up trying to get my feet in photos.

I'm getting all excited for winter, so I paired it with Ryker Beck's new Sienna skin in Snow (Soleil) from Exodi. I'm not gonna get all gooey about the Sienna skin like a lot of bloggers are. I'm just gonna say that I like it. It's not my usual face and that sort of trips me out a little, but I like it. For a better look, you'll have to scroll all the way back to the top of this post. (Sorry.)

This winter in Second Life is a little bittersweet for me. To my delight, last year I discovered that Second Life really magnifies my holiday spirit times 10 (um, even though I took a break around Christmas last year), possibly because I was living in the desert in real life at the time and also because it's so damn easy to decorate my fake house and wrap fake gifts in SL.

Fake snow is fun. It's why I want it all year long.

This year, two of my favorite friends are gone. I thought for sure that my friend Opheila/Galene would cave and come back (no offense, O/G), but she totally stuck it out three months after canceling her account and now her AVs have vanished. She's designing purses in real life now. Trust me, they will get pimped out here when she's ready.

My Italian friend Holden has left too, in a manly and valiant pursuit of a better real life.

/me waves at both of them, since they sometimes still swing by here.

Ironically (yeah, that's my word this week), I exchanged e-mails with the real people behind both of those AVs today, but it's still kind of . . . lonely in Second Life.

*sniff*

On top of all that, all my chickens are dead.

<---- loner

Don't Hate! I'm just confused!

Yeehaw! It's wine-and-blog time! Tonight we're drinking Rex-Goliath California Merlot. Frankly, I'm not a fan of merlot. But it was there, so I said, "Why not?"

And yep, I'm bloggin' up a storm this week because apparently we're not supposed to tomorrow. So brace yourself.

But before I get on that topic, let's talk about this RedApple Late Summer dress by Chantkare. I mentioned it yesterday, but since then I've gotten a lot of "Hey! Where'd you get that dress?" from strangers on the streets. And I have to admit, I really love it too. I usually prefer outfits that cling to my neurotically crafted shape, but this dress proved to me that, YES, loose and flowy CAN be a win!

I paired it with Some New Hair by That Guy. I used to be slightly upset about the fact that in my popular circle of friends, I'm the unpopular one who doesn't have any hair named after her. Then I got over it. Hell, I've got a whole Second Life viewer named after me! Could I really ask for anything more?

In fact, I wanted to find that viewer and download it the other day, but when I Googled it all I found were LINKS TO THIS BLOG!! Ha HAAAAA! That's awesome.

And sad.

I don't think 800 people a day are really reading this blog after all.

Shoot where was I?

Oh the dress! I bought it at a Breast Cancer Awareness fashion event, but I wandered over to Chantkare today (because I love you) and discovered you can buy it there now for 350L. I also found it in midnight blue and brown. There may be other colors. I'm not sure because the store looked like this:



Pretty pretty colored shapes!

That was for all you people who IMed me today and said, "I can't live without your hilarious blobby pictures!"

Speaking of, I put off buying my new computer until tomorrow. I "built it" online today first, and it's going to cost close to $3K. I'm skittish about spending that much money until I'm positive I'm not going to get fired from my new job. Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to just suck it up and get it tomorrow, because this lame laptop is going in the shop. And I need a computer because I still have a few last newspaper articles to write this week. *sniff*

In fact, I was feeling so sentimental about the death of my newspaper career today that I threw on this "Black or White?" dress from Stitch By Stitch. I bought it at Modavia Fashion Week (you had no idea I've been lurking around so many fashion events, did you?), but you can get it at the store or on XStreet for 295L:



(Why use an expensive photo studio when you can just stand around in the vast empty expanse that is my yard?)

Then I realized that this dress really isn't about newspapers — it's about Michael Jackson. I figured that out from the words "Michael Jackson Collection" that I only just noticed in the name . . . not to mention all over the dress. But hey, that's cool! I like Michael Jackson. And I love Sevenstar Amat. I've never met her, but I want to find her and grab her and give her a huge hug and scream, "I LOVE YOU!"

But I won't. Because that's just creepy.

I wonder if she has more stuff in her Michael Jackson collection though?

As long as we were briefly on the topic of my yard, look at this picture and join me in making a big sad face:



Yep, I killed all my chickens and removed all the chicken coops. Now my yard just has a bunch of random junk in it. I'm concerned that I'm not going to have the time for the care and breeding of chickens anymore. And I'd like to have some furniture for a change. But I feel sort of sad and empty without my brood. It's gonna take awhile to get over the loss.

OK, my headline promised you the possibility of the opportunity to do some hating, and I'm not going to let you down. I have some opinions. They may make you grumpy. They may hurt someone's feelings. I hope not, but you never know in this place. People are touchy.

Here we go.

-- I've been reading the signage for tomorrow's Artist's Voice STOP! protest. You can read all about it HERE. "No uploads, no sales, no purchases, no blog posts." For 48 hours.

So . . . support content creators and protest content theft by . . . not buying anything from the hardworking content creators??

I'm so confused. A purchase inworld is the simple exchange of lindens from one AV to another. You make something I like, I buy it from you, I get what I want, you get money, we both win.

How is a 48-hour shopping boycott gonna stick it to The Man???

"We'll show you, Lindens! We'll run our friends' businesses in the ground and then we'll scream 'HA!!!!!!!' in your big Linden faces!!!"

I have some creator friends who are concerned about the impact this protest is going to have on their businesses for the next two days if people really decide not to shop. And maybe I'm just an uneducated simpleton, but I don't really get it either. Somebody educamate me. I won't argue with you.

People have asked me if I'm going to STOP! and my answer is, "I don't know." I hesitate to do anything that would halt the SL economy because it's only going to hurt the content creators, not the Lindens. Plus, I'm still trying to collect all my Linden bears! Can't we wait a month before we get all up in their faces??

Ironically, as much as I respect most of the people who organized this campaign, I doubt they themselves could even STOP! by, say, NOT LOGGING IN AT ALL . . . for TWO WHOLE DAYS! And Plurk counts too, kids! Bring on the Haterade, but I don't think they could do it. I'll admit, I tried it two weeks ago and it was HARD! I got the SHAKES!!!!! But I did it! Some turtles and chickens had to die for the cause, but I did it!

*throws down the gauntlet*

But maybe that'd be more effective -- if we all left Second Life empty, silent and motionless for two days and, hell, even got up off our arses and volunteered in our real live communities or something!!! Gasp!

-- I read a blog post the other day that attempted to give a balanced review -- as in, both negative and positive comments -- of some new skins. I had mixed opinions about it, primarily because the post was full of grammatical errors. You claim to be a writer and a fashion expert, so you write a blog with some pretty harsh comments about some skins — yet your writing would make my dearly departed eighth-grade English teacher flip over in her grade.

So is it OK if I do the same thing and say, "This post was pretty decent; HOWEVER, the subjects and verbs didn't agree in several sentences, and several words were spelled wrong. Poor grammar is BAD! It's so sloppy when people misplace their modifiers! In my opinion, this post is worth a glance, but doesn't hold up well in the long run"?

In the real world, if your designs suck and your clothes are poorly made, unfortunately you don't make the pages of Vogue or Harper's Bazaar, period. I tend to lean toward the camp that believes that good fashion deserves publicity, and flawed skins or clothes don't. But I guess I'll compromise and say that if you're going to bring down the pain on a designer, at least get your grammar right. And don't give me that "English is not my first language" excuse either.

Truth be told, I actually like that blogger. I do! I do! I just found that particular post to be slightly ironic.

GAWD DAMN, EVERYTHING'S SO IRONIC THIS WEEK!

-- The one thing I really missed this year was House of Heart's annual Halloween pack of spooky-looking hair. I know HoH has undergone changes lately, primarily the name change to Hairy Situations. I wish they would have consulted with me first because that name makes me think of hairy legs and the need for a bikini wax. I'm not hatin', I'm just sayin'.

Now that I've p*ssed off a bunch of popular avatars, I'm gonna leave you with another hand-drawn masterpiece rendition of Prad Prathivi, surrounded by a blobby gray harem:



We were all trying to get the Pink Fuel Subscribo to resend the recent free skin gift that we missed . . . and wailing because it wasn't working. Well Prad wasn't, actually. He was just there to give me that flower.

I want to end this post on a positive note:

THIS BLOG is the most beautiful "freebie blog" I've ever seen. (*stands up and applauds the photography*)

Do yourself a favor and check it out.

That was just for you, Prad. ;)

Everything's better wrapped in bacon

This post has nothing to do with bacon, actually. That title was just a ploy to attract people Googling "bacon" to this blog.

Bacon recipes

Bacon recipes

Bacon recipes

Bacon recipes

Bacon recipes

My Google analytics numbers will soar now.

(If you type "recipes" over and over, it really starts to look strange.)

Hey, wouldn't it have been HELPFUL if I would've told you about this Mad Maddy Gothic Rag Doll AV (390L) by Moxie Polano's Haute Couture BEFORE Halloween?

Oops.

Oh well. I've been running around in it since then anyway, partially out of laziness and partly because I'm one of those people who like to occasionally indulge in AVs that look nothing like Emerald. For instance, I bought a unicorn AV today. Maybe one day I'll get up the energy to blog it. As for this one, I saw it, loved it, bought it, still loving it.

I just ran over to Moxie's and checked — these AVs are still out. She has one for the guys named Terrible Timmy:



That's my head down in the corner.

Look at the cute detailing in the stitches on the girl:



Hello Kitty!

(That smiley face is on the butt by the way. You know you've always wanted one there!)

Skin, shape, outfit, hair and even eyelashes -- EYELASHES! Made to PERFECTLY FIT THE AV! JOY! -- are included. (The eyes in the photo at top are from Hoot's Eclipse collection.)

So if you too like to run around in character at times, go get you one of those things! Halloween is not necessary to slip out of your skin once in a while.

The hair is so cute that when I finally decided to wash off the Halloween makeup and put on this Red Apple Late Summer dress by Chantkare, I left it on.



(Yeah, my shoes aren't rezzing today, it's not late summer, and that dress really calls for some strappy sandals, but I'm done with the exhaustion that is prim feet for at least a year.)

That dress is part of a great fundraising event -- ending today at midnight -- to raise money for breast cancer research. Go over to EGO and check out the many many outfits by talented designers who have graciously donated their time and many limited-edition works for a cause.

I came back here to edit out a couple of those "many"s up there . . . but I think I'm just gonna say it again.

MANY

Um, that's about it. Oh, except hey, did you know that Maitreya has new hair?

That was a joke.

When I don't feel like dealing with real life, which is often, I start my day in a slow and leisurely manner: with coffee, a couple of Xanax and some quality time with the I Heart SL feed.

HOWEVER, reading that feed the other day was like getting hit by a Maitreya hair bomb and then kicked in the face with a Maitreya SoHo boot.

Hey, Maitreya has new hair and free boots!
Hey, Maitreya has new hair and free boots!
Hey, Maitreya has new hair and free boots!
Hey, Maitreya has new hair and free boots!
Hey, Maitreya has new hair and free boots!
(Bacon recipes)

So speaking of real life, I start a new job on Monday. I feel queasy because it was kind of a fluke accident.

Two weeks ago, I stumbled across a job board posting by an acclaimed PR/advertising agency in my city that was looking for a vice president. This particular agency is a big deal. A popular business magazine named them one of the 25 best small companies in America to work for. (Bring your pets to work! An in-office massage therapist!) They have some very prestigious clients. I actually HAVE always wanted to work there and sent them my resume a year ago.

When I saw that they were hiring a vice president, as in, of the whole FRIGGIN' company, I sort of halfheartedly sent them my resume again, BUT I TOTALLY WASN'T EXPECTING TO GET CALLED FOR AN INTERVIEW, LET ALONE GET THAT JOB OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!

Yeah, that's kind of what it sounds like inside my head right now. The sound of a stunned panic wheel spinning.

So, um, I'm trying to psyche myself up to be all vice-presidential now. They're already sending me on a business trip to Atlanta in a week. They're pretty fast-paced there. It'll probably be a complete shock to my system. I'll be like, "Where's the TV? I need my morning 'Golden Girls' reruns fix!!!! I am the vice president! Where's my tiara?? Somebody get me a television NOW NOW NOW! And a bed! And some plaid flannel pajama bottoms! HELP ME! Where's my assistant? Get me a Snuggie, STAT! Where are my minions? DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

Like that.

I negotiated a salary and a signing bonus that made my parents scream with joy and demand that I give them backpay in rent dating all the way back to age 5. They took me out for a huge celebration dinner and then handed me the tab. Everyone is already lining up for "loans."

:\

Let's focus on the yays:

YAY, I'm looking at condos and moving FAR AWAY from this house in a few months!
YAY, I'm buying a MacBook Pro tomorrow! I will be able to SEE THINGS!
YAY, I'm paying off my Visa card on Monday!
YAY, I get blonde hair and fingernails again!

At least if I fall on my face, I'll have a new computer and significantly less credit card debt before they boot me out the door. I'm also splurging and buying one of these Tiffany keys to always remind myself that YES, I can unlock the door and step out of my inner dungeons whenever I damn well please.

I just have to get out of bed.

And get dressed.

And brush my hair.

Um, so that's all my news. There's a part of me that's excited and a part of me that's relieved and a part of me that's terrified and a part of me that's sad. I am 800 emotions packed in one body at the moment.

I'm guess I'm gonna become one of those "after work and sometimes on the weekends" SL residents.

But hey, in the grand scheme of things, that's a very good thing in my case, Martha Stewart. I have put my life on hold for way too long.

Miracles shall follow miracles and wonders shall never cease.

And the sad dusty rag doll finally gets to become a Real Girl.