Friday, May 8, 2009

Messing with my head

So, in real life I just got a job writing for a travel magazine, and my first assignment is in Aruba next week.

(Wow, you would think that sentence would have an exclamation point on the end.)

My first assignment is in Aruba next week!

Shoot, I still don't feel the joy, mainly because I didn't realize it was coming up so soon. And now I'm looking glumly over at the "Sculpt Your Abs in Three Weeks!" headline on the cover of Allure magazine and wondering if there's an alternate seven-day plan instead.

The funny thing is, when my editor sent me my itinerary yesterday and I saw that it was filled with a bunch of daring oceanic activities, one of my first thoughts was:

"Well cool, now I can wear that new red leopard bikini from Sn@tch."



Reality check: I don't HAVE a red leopard bikini from Sn@tch in real life, nor do I have an inventory folder of about 200 other bikinis. 

And, HARSHER reality check: I don't have my avatar's BODY either.

AND it's also not an agonizing experience for my avatar to get WAXED.

(Hey, why eat alphabet soup when you can just come over to this blog and get blasted with BOLD ALL CAPS in every other paragraph?)

So I'm dragging my friend Laurie out to go bikini shopping today, and we're wondering if drinking a boatload of margaritas first will kill the pain of the experience or just make us feel even more bloated. (Maybe it'll work if we tell them to hold the salt?)

I would rather go to the gynecologist than shop for swimming suits. Seriously. :(

Hey, but maybe swimming around with dolphins and breathing fresh sea air for a few days will snap me back to reality. And then maybe I'll stop accidentally confusing Second Life inventory items with the real mess that's in my sad, shappy closet.

(I meant to type "shabby," but now that I see that type-o, I rather like "shappy.")

. . . people say my blog posts get too long, but I swear to God it just seems that way because the font is large.


I had one of those "Wow, I'm really, really, really, realllllllllllllly bored" days in SL yesterday, so I logged off and made another alt:


I named her Oceans11 Silverweb with the original fantasy of eventually transforming her into a renowned SL Slingo champion. Unfortunately, that probably won't be the case. Just like my other alts, she'll probably never walk the grid again. 

I like to make them and then I like to forget about them.

But WOW, look at how calm and unfettered and serene she looks! That is seriously an "I don't give a damn about your drama because I am totally immune to it" girl right there!! In fact, that chick wouldn't even SAY the word "damn."

Most of that is just a Peppermint Blue newbie assistance pack. But I'm honestly thinking of switching Emerald Wynn to that shape. I really like that face. She's so sweet, she makes Emerald Wynn look like a drag queen. (No offense, drag queens.)

Even when she's meditating, Emerald looks like she's been around the block a few times:


Oh WHOOPS, pretend you can see my meditation pose there.

A lot of people (that means three) have been asking me about that necklace. It's a prototype that Gilly Wycliffe passed out to some Lucky Kitty Crew members (including me) the other day. I like it. It reminds me of the many, many mix tapes I made as an angst-ridden teen.

Look for it soon in Gilly's store, Cat Crap.

And speaking of new people, there's a girl named Taryn who's writing about being new over on I Heart SL. (For God's sake, Taryn, RUN! Get out now while you still can!!)

I'm getting a kick out of reading her very innocent blog posts: "Second Life reminds me of the first days of High School: you feel awkward as hell but you really don't know what to do and folks really don't pay attention to you."

Actually I added the colon in that sentence. And a couple of apostrophes. She needs a little punctuation in her life. And some BOLD ALL CAPS! Like "High School" should have been "HIGH SCHOOL!" (kidding)

Some people are fashion critics, and then there's Emerald the Grammar Wench. *cracks whip*

And now I have to go out into the cruel real world and look at my sickly white body in three-way mirrors.

Ciao. :\


Gahum Riptide said...

Well if it's any consolation, the thought of being shirtless on a beach in the tropics makes me cringe at the moment. I'm totally that guy in board shorts and a t-shirt no matter how warm it is at the beach. But I'm beginning to get tha tmotivation to get back in shape.

I highly reccomend mixed drinks to dull the pain, my drink of choice would be Sapphire and Tonic.

Emerald Wynn said...

My issue is that I'm bony with the chest of a nine-year-old. But ironically, cellulite still loves my thighs. I read that thin women actually can have more cellulite than heavier women, because we don't have underlying layers of fat to help push up and smooth out the bumpy layers.

Wow, that paragraph was TMI about my real body and kind of gross.

So I'm the chick with the obviously padded bikini top and old-school Hawaiian-print surfer shorts at the beach. And a shapeless stomach. A little muscle tone would at least give it some sexy. But WHOOPS! I ran out of time.

Hell yeah, it IS getting to be Sapphire and tonic weather -- WOO HOO!

*shelves the Russian vodka*

Anonymous said...

Do I get to see pictures of the bikini you chose :O ?

I cringe at the thought of doing my own swimsuit shopping soon, I never find a style that I like :-/

*waits patiently in your comments section for your return*

Amie Adamski said...

Ahh you're so lucky to get away though, and I'm assuming it's a FREE trip.

I went away a few ago and had to get a bathing suit-omg it sucked shopping for one b/c I have a little extra round the tummy area and bathing suits are cut so low. I ended up with a little skirt one.

Now I keep thinking why cant I find a suit like I have from Wigwambam-pathetic.

The alt is cute and it is a cute shape-I just realized I'm pretty sure I'm using the same shape that I originally came with when I joined SL so maybe that's not a good thing. All the other shapes I have found made me look like amazon woman.

Gahum Riptide said...

I realize now I should never have let the lazy side of me get the upper hand. I could have had a killer bod by now (that was about 6 years ago!)

BUT, that doesn't mean I sit there every night and complain and whine and cry over what I lost. It just means I need to snap outta my laziness and do something. I did it before, I can do it again!

Casandra Shilova said...

I'm choking from laughing so hard!

In addition to the type size, one reason your posts always seem so long (I'm usually sorry when I finish reading one) is you type maybe a couple of sentences per paragraph.

Nothing reduces the trauma of trying on suits, nothing. Breath easily though, men think we look sexy in them even if we think OMG I'm going out in public like this ?!!

If I ever have a shop, I'll pass you my write-ups to proof. On second thought, I could hand you my notices as fae queen right now..How about it Em? How would you like to be the royal proof reader? j/k ;)

Learning Teacher said...

That's why I always wear a one-piece suit instead of a bikini ;)