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Sunday, May 10, 2009

omg lol rofl wth? (turtle mama)

I've been working on some positive-thinking exercises.

Let's all complete this sentence together:

"I feel happy when I'm . . . ."

Mine is:

"I feel happy when I'm watching my turtle eat shrimp."

That's my "I feel happy" affirmation for the day. My (RL) pet turtle is the only pure vibe I've got going on at the moment. Even my upcoming Aruba trip is sort of causing angst, thanks to six pages of instructions like, "Please wear Elegant Resort Casual Wear but with No Heels to This Event" and "Bring at Least Three Bathing Suits" and "We Are Not Responsible for Injuries During the Off-Road Jeep Safari. Please Sign Contract Below" (uh, wait . . . what??).

*feebly waves my carpe diem flag*

Oh, WAIT! I do have another happy affirmation! 

"I feel happy when I finally finish the Keys to the VIP Gridwide Hunt and make it to the Luxury VIP Lounge!"

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Prad, there was so much free sh*t in there, I couldn't get it all in the picture!!!!!

Kidding. Prad knows I am president of his fan club. I don't like his sucka-MC anti-freebie ninja blog moves, but that aside, he's aiiiight. (Prad, DON'T GO! I got banned from commenting on a blog because of a recent post. And I'm still standing! You can take a little madness. It's all in a day's work.)

But yeah, I was out with some real people last night at Memphis, TN's, sad attempt at an Irish pub, and everyone was talking about their lives and the conversation sort of swung over to me, and all I had was,

"I finally got that aquarium heater for my pet turtle today! WOOOOOO! TURTLES FTW!!!!!"

So along that line,

"I feel awkward . . . "

"I feel awkward sometimes when people IM me about this blog because I'm really sort of boring."

Hey, that wasn't positive!

It's true though. If you IM me about this blog, you're either gonna get a response that will leave you wondering whether I have a pulse, or you'll get a jittery "I'm hopped up on something and you can't have any" kind of thing that will scare the hell out of you.

Like, this morning when I was alternating between being AFK and wrapping up that Keys to the VIP Hunt, a cool chickie told me she liked this blog and dropped a hunt hint on me. ("I hope this doesn't ruin it for you," she said. Ha ha! No way. I am the queen of cheat and I wear the crown with pride.)

She got this reply from me about 10 minutes later (literally copied from the chat):

"[2009/05/10 9:03] Emerald Wynn: LOL - thank you, [Name]! Sorry - I was cleaning out my RL turtle tank and making coffee - LOL. I hate it when somebody stumbles across my zoned-out AV. And you RUINED THE VIP HUNT FOR ME!!! ROFL -- not at all - thank you so much. I like this hunt. More mellow. XO - Em P.S. Thanks so much for reading. \o/"

(omg) \facepalm

Could we get a few more cheesy chat acronyms in that speedball please? And chase it with one more line of coffee grounds to snort?

Celebrity Trollop caught me last night when I was zoned out on Unisom, which was probably so much worse.

"I . . . can't . . . what? . . . oh! . . . thanks! . . . I love you too! . . . turtle . . . goodnight."

The same thing happened when I had a real-life blog. It actually worked as a tool to attract men. But they'd ask me out in anticipation of some kind of witty Tina Fey clone and they'd get, well, just me, talking about my pets or something mundane. More than once a man has said to me, "Wow, I thought you'd be so much more entertaining."

Sigh.

Hey, speaking of buzz kills, my inner child screamed in horror this morning at this unicorn tail ($195L) at Catnip.

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Fart rainbows??????

Unicorns don't fart, you assholes!

And in honor of Mother's Day, you could swing by and pick up this Your Mom set for 250L:

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(Ouch, my eyes! Sorry it didn't rez all the way.)

Hey Catnip, you forgot the bottle of gin! (Ooooooh SNAP, Mom! sorry!)

But yeah, the Mother's Day conversation in my house this morning went like this:

Me, with flowers, card and gift in hand: "Happy Mother's Day, Mom!"

Mom: "Thanks, honey. How are you doing this morning?"

Me: "If you must know, I think I have a bladder infection."

Mom: "You'd better drink some cranberry juice. That'll help it."

Me: "OK"

Mom: "Here, let me put some vodka in it. That'll help it too."

I don't make this stuff up.

Sorry about the TMI bladder infection thing. I should probably apologize to my mom too, for that "Happy Mother's Day! But enough about you! Let's talk about me! It feels like someone is squeezing my bladder with a spiked glove! Oh, oops, did you want breakfast in bed?"

Uh, anyway . . . 

If you too find yourself stuck in Catnip wandering around for an hour looking for a key like I was, cam down under the building to a secret Neko tree. It's there. That's my very vague hint for you. I hope I didn't just ruin your hunt experience.

So, blame it on the vodka and cranberry juice, but I also decided to get up close and personal with one of those weird robot shop assistant things today. They've always kind of creeped me out. Have you ever looked at the faces on those things???

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Eeeeevil! The expressions change constantly. And I kept trying to stand next to her, but she kept turning to face me. You get an A in interpersonal communications, freaky robot.

And either this one was monstrously tall or I am really short and stumpy and don't realize it:

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I have more positive-thinking exercises to share, but this post is living up this blog's notoriously long reputation, so I'll save them for next time.

Until then, rock on, all you moms out there. This is your day! 

And that goes for the turtle mamas too!

8 comments:

Lizzie Lexington said...

Yay for being banned from blogs! Yay for bladder infections! Yay for turtles! Yay for robot shop assistants! Is that enough positive thinking for you? LOL

Luna Jubilee said...

I have only one question:

can you mom adopt me?!

LOL

Tymmerie Thorne said...

OK..omg I heart when you write on your pics in photoshop.

Aisuru Rieko said...

hmph. my unicorn tail is way nicer.

BastDawn said...

The picture with the unicorn tail in action made me laugh out loud. I have a friend who uses a forum avatar that reminds me of that -- it's a beautiful, graceful unicorn with a lovely rainbow coming out the back end!

Tristan Micheline said...

Em great writing as always. omg we really need to catch up in world or text or something. I miss you !!!!

*slowly walks out humming 'gin and juice*

Gahum Riptide said...

Sure, unicorns do fart rainbows. Go here: It's in a game so it MUST be true!!!

Stacey er..Bettye said...

"Could we get a few more cheesy chat acronyms in that speedball please? And chase it with one more line of coffee grounds to snort?"

Oh god, story of my life, especially when I was a hostess in SL. I am SO not like that. It's like I was channeling a stepford wife or something.

And you're right. Sometimes RL is so unbelievable it sends you screaming back to SL for some normalcy.