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Friday, June 22, 2012

"Apparently the skeleton in her closet wears a red bow."

Sometimes when I'm writing a blog post like this one, I think about what would happen if, say, I got killed in a car accident or a plane crash or in some other untimely death scenario. There would be a little weeping and much drinking, then a trek to the church on the other side of town for some kind of dysfunctional memorial service — which, as specified in my will, would have an open bar in the back —and then more drinking. Once all the formalities were over, my grieving family would sort through my things and probably throw most of it away. Eventually they'd find my laptop and open it, maybe hoping to find some funny photos or read something that'd bring my voice back to life for a few minutes.

They'd find the folder named "Blog" on my desktop.

They'd say, "Gosh, we didn't know she had a blog!"

They'd double-click it.

And then they'd find this picture:

And then the only sound in the room would be a collective gasp, no doubt followed by a confused and horrified, "What the holy f*ck?!"

On Marketplace:
Hello Kitty Humiliation Outfit, 249L, by GZ Fetixxx

I've been fearlessly collecting Hello Kitty contraband ever since a friend told me that Linden Lab could crack down any day and delete all the Hello Kitty (and other trademarked) items from my inventory. So I keep everything in one folder called "Hello Kitty! OOOOOO - YOU'RE IN TROUBLE!" That way if it really does happen, all I'll have to do is check that one place to see if anything survived the Hello Kitty rapture.

Um, but Hello Kitty's slip-n-slide latex adventure — complete with matching STRAP-ON (they should have put a little red bow on it) — will not be joining my prized collection of Hello Kitty happy happy fun time, like my HK house, toaster, guitar, watch, radio and hot air balloon, to name a few treasured possessions. I have to draw the line somewhere.

I guess I'm not as devoted a collector as I thought, because there's no way in hell I'm buying a Hello Kitty Humiliation Outfit. That is just so wrong on so many levels.


Oops. (HELP! SO MANY EYES ARE WATCHING ME!)

Well, OK, I caved because I discovered a secret desire to run around in jeans and the top. ("I'll take your done-to-death Hello Kitty T-Shirt and raise you my Hello Latex implants!") And actually I have a number of outfits that could be beautifully enhanced by that Hello Kitty uniboob.

*dies laughing*

Damn, every time I think I have SEEN IT ALL, Marketplace comes along and GUFFAWS in my face. I like it though. It keeps me on my toes. So if you see a Marketplace oddity that merits blog love, please send me the link.

Photo location: “Future Communities” by Noke Yuitza at SLB9

8 comments:

Harlow Iphis said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alicia Chenaux said...

LMAO!!!! I love you, seriously.

But maybe you need to make a pact with a friend that should you suddenly die, they run and destroy your laptop. I have this pact with my best friend about my nightstand. Don't open it, don't look in it, just toss it out before my parents get to my house!

Of course, she said I should just set her house on fire if she dies suddenly. I'm not even going to ask.

Paypabak said...

So ... After a significant amount of time when there are no more posts, and no one has seen you inworld ... when the Big Quiet has sufficiently convinced enough of your avi friends that you're virtual sojourn is over. We will gather at an appropriate virtual saloon in our most obnoxious Hello Kitty latex or equivalents, cut and paste from our favorite posts from Em's Eyes, and get hammered. Is that the plan?

Heather said...

OMG!! I needed a laugh today, and this was it!! Thank you Emerald!! You brightened my day like nothing but a Hello Kitty Humiliation Outfit can!

Emerald Wynn said...

LOLing at these comments.

All of you should get this outfit. And then we should flash mob a club during one of those "Come As You Are" contests. Or Best in Latex.

nimil said...

dear emmy, this is why i love your blog.

Deoridhe said...

O
M
G

DUDE!


....I need to not wear this as a greeter in SL9B. Please tell me I need to not.

Evie Miles said...

So much to love in this post. I think I snorted coffee up into my sinus passages, I laughed so hard.

Thank you for sharing. <3