Black Swan (and "How the Lindens Had Me by My Imaginary Walnuts")

(Um, yeah, this picture wasn't turning out, there's a snowman's butt behind my left ear, and I got tired of messing around with Windlight settings, so I made that face to express the horror of my photography skills, gave up and just hit "Save.")

Last night, I snuck over to Black Swan for a sneak preview of all the fabulous creations in Rezzable's latest and *sniff* last fashion show, Swan Song. I ended up pretty much pillaging the vendor area (there's gotta be a better word for "vendor area").

I had to promise not to blog any of my outfits before the fashion show at noon SLT today at Black Swan. If you miss today's event, no worries. Two other fashion shows will take place at 2 p.m. Aug. 2 and at 6 p.m. Aug. 17, both SLT time of course (because really, does any other time zone matter?).

So anyway, per instructions, I'm not showing you my purchases. I'm just saying that I spent a fortune. In my opinion, the designers really outdid themselves this year. There's something for everyone, and all of it is fantastic. Bravo!

Now let's get back to the "I spent a fortune" part of that sentence up there. Although I spent quite a bit, I actually toned down the Black Swan shopping this time. I used to go mad with lust at these shows, snatching up almost every expensive and extravagant gown with the rationalization, "It's not just an outfit. It's an art piece specifically created for a remarkable event, possibly not to be sold again."

And now, three shows later, I'm left with "Black Swan" inventory folders full of, yes, exquisite works . . . but many of which I've never worn. Some of them are gorgeous but impractical -- for instance, where can I wear Eshi's memorable ballerina-inspired creation? It's Second Life, so I guess the answer is wherever I want, whenever I damn well please, but as you can see from my previous post, at heart I'm a "jeans and funny T-shirt" kind of gal.

So last night as I was once again dropping lindens left and right -- albeit this time with a more "will I really wear this dress?" perspective -- I vowed not only to make an effort to wear all these purchases, but to also wear ALL my previous Black Swan purchases during the upcoming weeks, even if I'm gonna be waltzing around covered from head to toe in feathers at times.

Since I can't wear a current Black Swan fashion in this post, in the photo at top I'm wearing Baiastice's B Synergie Black Swan outfit from (I believe) the first show, along with Tuli's Black Swan skin (maybe from the second show). You can't see the skin very well in that photo, so here's a big damn picture of my face to break up this text:



And yep, today was the first time I've worn either of those creations since I bought them. And OOPS I cheated. I AM wearing one of last night's finds. I'm just not telling you what it is.

All this Black Swan babbling leads me to "how the Lindens had me by my imaginary walnuts." (Sorry, I just couldn't put the word "balls" in a headline.)

Whenever I think about killing my SL account as a self-imposed tough-love tactic, (emotions and friends aside) I think about ALL the MONEY I've spent in Second Life and it stops me in my tracks. I'm sure if I did the math I'd calculate that I've spent more than $500 USD at the least to *cringe* around $1,500 at the most.

And then I think, "My God, how can I delete something in which I've invested SO MUCH money??" Particularly in a place where, sadly, we can't donate the fruits of our inventories to a thrift store for new or financially strapped residents. If I killed my Second Life account, I'd essentially be deleting hundreds of real-life dollars worth of purchases.

For instance, the recent brief fling with Jon cost me about $30 USD for his makeover (see previous posts) . . . and then he took off. As much as I miss him, I also wince and think of the money I flushed down the toilet, particularly during these financially strapped times. (Yeah, that's what I get for being a Sugar Mama.) If a $30 break-up causes that kind of financial regret, think how I'd feel if I deleted MY whole avatar!

So YES, for a while I thought, "Wow, the Lindens are smart business people. They really have me by the balls now, considering the extent to which I am financially (not to mention emotionally) invested in their virtual world."

But this morning I figured out a way to justify my accumulated SL spending . . . and even a way to peacefully let go of Emerald Wynn when it's finally time. I only say "when it's finally time" because I can't imagine staying active in Second Life for years and years. I just can't. I used to love my life. It's my mission to one day love it again, so much so that I want to spend every waking moment soaking it up. While many of you have managed a healthy incorporation of Second Life into your real lives, I admit that for me Second Life primarily is a form of escapism, procrastination and, yes, a way to fill some (hopefully temporary) voids in my life. But it also provides me with friendship, laughter and a creative outlet, so it's serving a valuable purpose right now. When I do leave it for good, it will be with gratitude.

So while I'm at it, I have a question for you, and I'd love your feedback: "Are you in Second Life to stay, meaning, now that you're here do you think it'll always be a part of your life?"

On letting go, my thinking is this: I live by Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace plan, and if you're unfamiliar with it, you might want to Google it and look into it. It's helped me significantly reduce my debt and get my spending organized and under control, even now when I'm working part-time.

Per this money management plan, I set aside an appropriate amount of money each month for recreation. When that money runs out, I'm done with recreation. My Second Life lindens come from that budget line.

There were times in the past when I'd spend large amounts of my recreation budget on Broadway shows and expensive meals. Think about it -- a decent ticket to a Broadway show costs more than $100. A lavish meal with friends and lots of drinks can cost $300 to $500, depending on the size of your group. These are extremely pleasurable experiences that aren't permanently tangible but can leave lasting memories and enrich a moment in time.

If I stop thinking of my avatar and my inventory as "purchased possessions" and start thinking of Second Life as a non-tangible (obviously) and, yes, fleeting (in the grand scheme of things) form of recreation -- as is a beautiful play, a thrilling extended vacation during which we make lifelong friends, or an excellent multi-course meal shared with loved ones -- I believe that one day I'll be able to let go of my thousand-dollar SL experience with love and no "OMG I spent sooooo much money there!" regrets and think:

"Wow, what a beautiful trip that was."