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Thursday, July 30, 2009

The C-word

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I don't use the C-word. It makes me wince and I don't really think it should be spoken in mixed company. I mean, we all have various levels of tolerance of things that may or may not be an assault on our ears, and the C-word is kind of touch and go. As such, I vowed that I would never say the C-word in this blog.

Unfortunately today I have to break that vow, hopefully just this once:

CHICKEN!

In real life, I have two cats, a dog, a bird, a turtle and a hermit crab. At times it can be sort of a hellish Dr. Doolittlish existence, especially when they all need to be cleaned and fed at the same time. There are days when I spend more money at the pet store than I ever have at Nordstrom, and although I can't offer you a lot of small talk on careers and romance these days, if you swing the conversation around to pets, I'll be the life of your party.

Despite the startling litany of species, my current menagerie is HUGE progress for me. I used to collect stray men instead.

Because I usually retreat to Second Life to escape the current horrors of my real life, the last thing I want to do is get attached to and be responsible for a virtual pet.

That's why I originally rolled my eyes and covered my ears at the whole chicken thing . . . until my friends started selling their radioactive-looking chickens for up to $4,000L . . . and using that money to buy Stiletto Moody shoes.

Suddenly they were no longer chickens in my eyes. They were beautiful, expensive shoes just waiting to be hatched.

I raced to jump on the chicken bandwagon, but unfortunately a little too late I think. Those rare chickens for which people once paid big lindens seem to no longer be as hot a commodity -- and even if they were, I don't seem to have much luck breeding them.

(OMG, I just used the word "breeding.")

Last night, my chicken Meara laid her first egg. It's a beautiful, beautiful . . . ordinary brown one. :\

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Oh, brown and grey, I mean. :\ :\

Who wants to buy it for a steal at 2000L?! *smiles widely, like a used car salesman*

That white ring reminds me of birth control and in fact it IS sort of a reverse birth control device: it keeps an egg from hatching. I'm speaking in simple laywoman's terms because I am not a chicken person. I don't speak the chicken lingo. I can't survive in the poultry realm without frequently consulting this handy guide that my friend Meara - for whom that chicken is named -- wrote. It's HERE.

I should have known that chicken would lay an unimpressive egg because -- and no offense AV Meara -- that chicken is a little off. She doesn't walk. She scoots around on her back or on her side, which frankly CREEPS THE BEJEEZUS OUT OF ME!

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Not dead. Just walking her "chicken with a few screws loose" walk.

I don't know why I still have the chickens. I sort of initially viewed the chickens and my involvement with them the same way I viewed my first Sims family. When it first hit the shelves, I bought The Sims for the novelty factor: Wow, I can create people, control their every move, get them jobs, improve their skills, build and decorate their homes, earn money, buy them cool clothes, make them fall in love and - gasp! - even do the nasty??!! And get them pregnant!?

Later, I eagerly snatched up Sims expansion packs -- my favorite was Makin' Magic. But as soon as I had a huge house full of magical Sims and a yard full of dragons and gnomes, I started to get a little bored.

That's when I found a new joy: Finding creative ways to kill them.

OH STOP! If you've played The Sims, you've done it too! I know you have!! Building doorless walls around them and watching them scream and cry and wet their pants until they finally die of starvation. Putting them in the pool and removing all the ladders as they struggle to get out, flailing around and weeping until they die a horrible watery death. Making them cook elaborate meals with no cooking skills until they burn to death in a horrible kitchen fire.

Fun times!!! :D

At one point, my Sims house was haunted by about nine ghosts.

The pattern continued with games like Zootopia and Rollercoaster Tycoon. Rollercoasters that abruptly ran out of track. Tigers in poorly built cages that escaped and ate the gazelles and the gaping, screaming families.

Awesome.

When I heard that these sionChickens could die, I figured the novelty would eventually wear off and The Killing Game would begin.

But surprisingly, I can't bring myself to kill helpless chickens. I just can't. People, I guess yes. Animals, no.

(You're all reading this post in horror by now, aren't you?)

I refuse to get chicken crazy though -- although last night when Meara laid her first egg, I'll admit that I felt a proud sense of wonder. I think I'm more fascinated with this revolutionary advance in Second Life more than anything. Self-reproducing animals!!!

Please, please, please, can we hatch "companion men" out of eggs next? Or at least unicorns, if we have to stick with the animals thing?

In a previous post, I asked people if they were in Second Life for the long haul. Regardless of where my real life takes me, I may very well stay plugged in to SL for some time, just to watch all the innovation in the works. We have so many amazing minds here, probably because Second Life is a nurturing environment for the dreamers, the creators, the builders, the storytellers, and the people who are thinking light years ahead of the rest of us. It gets better and better, and I can't imagine what it'll be like five years from now if Linden Labs keeps it around. I haven't even been in world for a full two years and I'm astounded at how much more advanced SL is today than it was the day I first set my blocky foot down in Orientation Island.

Anyway. This post is getting long. Just a couple more things.

I bought myself one of them fancy chicken houses ($375L) at Benedict & Florentine yesterday. (insert country bumpkin accent here)

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I blew it up to be almost as big as my house. That glittery glass divider (to keep the males from fighting) is the first thing I've ever built in Second Life (laugh). YES, I know it doesn't fit perfectly. They figured out how to get around the perfect one somehow. That yellow anger bar means that my chicken El Sopho is almost ready for sexy time. Chickens like rough, angry sex, apparently.

I have so much stuff in my yard now that I have absolutely no prim allowance left for the inside of my house. It's basically a $2000L changing room.

And here's my favorite dress of the moment. It's called Pierrot Dress from I Love 13. It costs $390L, which is why I looked at it, agonized over whether to buy it, decided not to, left, then kept thinking about it, and finally went back and bought it. That's just wrong, but this dress is oh so right.

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It also comes in pink, for all you girly girl types out there. That great shape and lots of details make it totally worth the price. Even the ratty, uneven socks with prim ruffles are amazing -- and maybe one day a better photographer will come along and show them to you!

(No wonder designers all over the grid are smothering me with review items and clamoring to get their stuff on this blog.)

I guess I'll leave you with this deep, final question:

Now that it's all the rage to run around SL looking like Lady Gaga, when is someone gonna make the SL version of THIS outfit:

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(Photo courtesy of someone who is not me, pilfered from a Web site where it obviously was pilfered from somewhere else.)

Check back with me in a few weeks and maybe I'll have made one out of chickens.

*runs like hell from SL's version of PETA*

12 comments:

Mahala Roviana said...

OMG! I snorted with laughter so loud I almost got busted.

SophHarlow said...

Holy crap...f*cking hysterical. Poor Meara - her chicken is all sorts of special.

El Sopho is a lovely name, btw. OMG! The brown egg. HAHA.

xo

Emerald Wynn said...

Soph, you suffered the same fate as Prad. I named them before I figured out their genders.

So um, your names got sex changes: ElSopho and (LOL) Pradella.

Emerald Wynn said...

And thank you, Mahala!

Fricker said...

Hahahahaha much laughter! Oh and I think I will have the C word for dinner tonight!

Petrachaa Doobie said...

I said i'd comment you eventually, well here it is..and Read this :)

http://petrachaadoobie.blogspot.com/

You Inspired me see !! :)

Meara Deschanel said...

omg Emerald. I love you. I laughed so hard at the chicken walk comment that I cried. My poor chicken Meara. She's "special" *nods*

Emerald Wynn said...

But Meara, she's a baby-making machine! So there's that! Maybe it's fitting that she runs around with her legs in the air -- she seems to really like the sexy time. ROFL!

And YAY, Petrachaa!! I'm so glad you're starting a blog! I can't wait to be a loyal reader!

Amie Adamski said...

That last comment made me laugh so hard. Aww she must be really easy.

That costume is one freaky thing and disturbing...

Petrachaa Doobie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Petrachaa Doobie said...

Well Em...my blog didn't last long lol. Me and my sl partner are not going to be on sl much for a while. So seems pointless to keep it going now while i wont have much to say about sl lol, so maybe one day i will start it properly...maybe

Pet x

Ecaria Regenbogen said...

As one of your new blog disciples, I wish to say...

Chicken!

There, that's done. Bad bad Chicken. I must have been in a hole in the ground not to notice these! Though Meara Chicken did make me smile. I am so awaiting a less feathery post now!